New Hire Comic Strips - Page 13

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

1000 Results for New Hire

View 121 - 130 results for new hire comic strips. Discover the best "New Hire" comics from Dilbert.com.

New Website Developer

Thank you for voting.
New Website Developer - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 17, 2016's comic on:


Tags #web, #internet, #site, #development, #code, #time, #deadline, #coding, #technology

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Our website developer quit one week before the site was scheduled to be finished. But I hired a new one so we can finish on time. Dilbert: Apparently, you have never met a website developer before. Boss: So, you will be done in about a week, right? Developer: It will take me a month just to throw away the last guy's code.

P Ity The Windowless

Thank you for voting.
P Ity The Windowless - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 24, 2016's comic on:


Tags #cubicle, #office, #office workers, #location, #window, #ego, #superiority

View Transcript

Transcript

Tina: Do you think you're better than me just because you have a cubicle with a window? Wally: Yes. Continuous exposure to new stimuli makes my brain create useful pathways and connections. Tina: I did not see that coming. Wally: I pity the windowless.

Cubicle Near Thermostat

Thank you for voting.
Cubicle Near Thermostat - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 20, 2016's comic on:


Tags #temperature, #office, #cold, #revenge, #thermostat

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: My new cubicle is the nearest one to the office thermostat. That makes me the de facto ruler of the indoor climate. Dilbert: Don't let the power corrupt you. Wally: I'll start by freezing all the skinny women who laughed at me!

Hire Agile Programmers

Thank you for voting.
Hire Agile Programmers - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 19, 2016's comic on:


Tags #pun, #deception, #earthquake, #agility

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: You should move the agile programmers to building six because it has poor earthquake protection. they can jump out of the way if stuff starts falling. Boss; I guess that makes sense. Wally: Can I have one of their cubicles near a window?

Weak Sales Reorg

Thank you for voting.
Weak Sales Reorg - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 07, 2016's comic on:


Tags #executives, #money, #golden parachute, #greed, #logic, #sales, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Our executive team didn't know what to do about weak sales. SO they reorganized the company and gave themselves new titles and big raises. They still don't know what to do about weak sales, but they report being happier about the situation.

Electric Car Business

Thank you for voting.
Electric Car Business - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 05, 2016's comic on:


Tags #electric car, #scam

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: We're getting into the electric car business. Dilbert: Why? Boss: Because it sounds impressive and it will take years for anyone to figure out we did it wrong. We'll have new jobs by then. Dilbert: Did you just turn my job into a criminal conspiracy?

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 28, 2016's comic on:


Tags #scam, #death, #reincarnation, #con, #con artist, #ghost, #medical

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: I'm starting a new business selling clothes to ghosts. My garments are made of the finest ectoplasm. Dilbert: Ghosts don't have money. Dogbert: They don't need money. I'm using a life insurance business model. If you pay me until you die, I will keep your ghost well-dressed for eternity. I also offer reincarnation services. Leave all of your stuff to me when you die and I'll give it back to you when I find the baby that got your soul. Dilbert: You'll be in trouble if your customers realize you're running a scam. Dogbert: If dead people start complaining, we've both got bigger problems than my scams.

Dogbert Discovers Dogbertium

Thank you for voting.
Dogbert Discovers Dogbertium - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 25, 2016's comic on:


Tags #science, #discovery, #trick, #deception

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: My particle accelerator has discovered a new fundamental particle that I call "Dogbertium." It's properties are awesomeness and mystery. One of the mysteries is that it only exists when people don't ask too many questions.

Dogbert's Particle Accelerator

Thank you for voting.
Dogbert's Particle Accelerator - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 24, 2016's comic on:


Tags #scheme, #plan, #deception, #trick, #science, #invention

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: I built a particle accelerator in the basement. Dilbert: Sounds expensive. Dogbert: Not if you use cardboard. My plan is to say I discovered one new particle per week. When scientists fail to confirm my discoveries, I will say they need better accelerators.

A System For Transferring Mistakes

Thank you for voting.
A System For Transferring Mistakes - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 17, 2016's comic on:


Tags #blame, #mistake, #boss, #review, #human resources, #revenge, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Make sure we get all of the cost savings that our vendor promised with our new software. Dilbert: Those savings are not real. The vendor lied to you because you know nothing about technology. Boss: If only I had some way to turn my mistake into his mistake. Catbert: It's called a performance review.