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891 Results for Order Money To Kill

View 121 - 130 results for order money to kill comic strips. Discover the best "Order Money To Kill" comics from Dilbert.com.

God Helps Those Who Help Themselves

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God Helps Those Who Help Themselves - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags help, assistance, sayings, adage, divine intervention, laziness

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Man: Can you get me that data by Friday? Wally: They say "God helps those who help themselves." Man: So... you won't help? Wally: I'm waiting for you to go first. Man: And then you'll help? Wally: No, the order is you, then God, then me.

Drone Defense Kills Birds

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Drone Defense Kills Birds - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags invention, drone, national security, design, birds, flying, collateral damage

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Boss: How's the drone defense shield design coming along? Dilbert: Super. The only risk is that it will kill every bird in the sky on day one. Boss: Don't birds have feet? They can just walk. Dilbert: I'll add that to the slide deck.

The Comparison Problem

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The Comparison Problem  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags entrepreneur, comparison, power, money, perspective, happiness, psychology

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CEO: How'd it go when you told your staff to act more like entrepreneurs? Boss: Not so good. They were happier when they were comparing their careers to other people in cubicles. Dilbert: What?! This idiot is worth a billion dollars now??? Asok: Gaaa!!! I'm a failure!

Twitter The Video Game

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Twitter The Video Game - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags twitter, social media, game, ignorance, trick, prank, technology

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Dilbert: Our sales dropped to zero after you offended customers on Twitter. Did someone tell you Twitter was a video game? Narrator: One week ago. Boss: And how would I kill these trolls? Wally: With your words.

Wally Gets Referral Money

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Wally Gets Referral Money - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags bonus, con, deception, hiring, money, referral, scheme, guest artist, jake tapper

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Wally: Stop! Why are you here? Man: I have an interview for a job as an engineer. Wally: My name is Wally. Tell Human Resources I referred you ad I'll get a $1,000 bonus. Boss: Have you noticed that all of our new hires were referred by the same person? Catbert: Sounds like we found our Employee Of The Year!

Recommening A Friend

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Recommening A Friend - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags bribe, employee, hiring, money, referral, guest artist, jake tapper

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Boss: Do you have any friends with technical skills who you can recommend to work here? Wally: I don't have any friends, but if I did, why would I be so mean to them? Boss: You get a $1,000 bonus for referring a friend. Wally: How much for a gullible acquaintance?

For The Good Of The Country

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For The Good Of The Country - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags apple, iphone, technology, national security, privacy, terrorism, encryption

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Boss: The government wants us to make software to crack our own encryption. Dilbert: That sounds evil. Boss: It's for the good of the country. Dilbert: Can I test it on your phone? Boss: You'd have to kill me first. Dilbert: That would be two good things for the country.

Random Number Generator

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Random Number Generator - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags projection, money, prediction, unrealistic expectations, numbers, obliviousness, guest artist, donna oatney

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Boss: Can you get me more details on the financial projections? Dilbert: Sure. I wrote an app that generates random numbers, just in case you asked for them. Boss: 17, 4, 962... Yes, this looks about right.

Boss Is Victim Of Identity Thief

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Boss Is Victim Of Identity Thief - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags identity theft, impostor, insult, investment, money, stealing, guest artist, josh shipley

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Boss: An identity thief stole my identity and opened a brokerage account. Dilbert: How did they know he was an impostor? Did he make a smart investment? Boss: That isn't funny. Wally: Did the impostor have a sense of humor?

Dogbert The Negotiating Expert

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Dogbert The Negotiating Expert - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags money, negotiate, negotiations, racket, guest artist, josh shipley

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Boss: I hired an expert on negotiating to teach us a few things. He only costs a million dollars, and for that we get five minutes of his time. Let's get started. Dogbert: We're out of time, unless you want to renegotiate.