Reward Employees Comic Strips - Page 13

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602 Results for Reward Employees

View 121 - 130 results for reward employees comic strips. Discover the best "Reward Employees" comics from Dilbert.com.

Pat Yourself On The Head

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Pat Yourself On The Head - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #reward, #prizes, #reimbursement, #expense report

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Boss: I'm naming you employee of the month. Your prize is twenty dollars cash and a pat on the head. Give yourself twenty dollars and submit an employee reimbursement request. Dilbert: Can I pat myself on the head, too? Boss: I was hoping you would offer.

Boss Wants Private Office

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Boss Wants Private Office - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cubicle, #office, #office workers, #privacy, #open office

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Boss: The employees are complaining because our new open office plan has too many distractions. CEO: You want to go back to cubicles? Boss: No, I just need a private so I can't hear them complaining.

Cyborg Rumors

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Cyborg Rumors - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cyborg, #robot, #employees, #replacement, #deception, #business

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Dilbert: There's a rumor that you plan to replace all normal employees with cyborgs that have microchips in their brains. Boss: There is no truth to the rumor that I plan to replace defective employees with highly capable, enhanced humanoids. Dilbert: I can't tell if you're lying. Boss: That's actually the best argument for keeping you around.

Randy Has A Microchip In His Brain

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Randy Has A Microchip In His Brain - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #intelligence, #technology, #nanotechnology, #biotechnology, #computer chip

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Boss: Randy is our first employee to have a computer chip embedded in his brain. Randy, please explain to these obsolete employees how awesome you are now. Randy: Wait... I'm updating my software. Alice: Should we kill him while he's vulnerable?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #avoiding, #avoidance, #offense

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Tina; Are you going to the department meeting? Dilbert: Yes, as soon as I plan my route. I have seven co-workers who I need to avoid on the way. Three are nonstop talkers. The other four ask me for something every time I see them. I've mapped their likely locations and I'm working out an avoidance path. Yes, I think I can do it. Tina: Is that my name on your list of employees to avoid? Dilbert: I didn't say it was a perfect system.

Culture As An Asset

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Culture As An Asset - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #company, #culture, #motivation, #strategy, #buzzword, #jargon, #business

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Boss: I've been telling employees that our culture is our best asset. Catbert: Do they pretend that makes sense? Boss: Yes, because we have a culture of lying to avoid conflict.

Cultural Fit

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Cultural Fit - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #culture, #intelligence, #hiring

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Dilbert: We're looking for employees that fit our culture. Man: What's so great about your culture is that it can't be improved? Dilbert: You might be too smart to work here. Man: That's the vibe I'm getting too.

Elbonians Jumping Off Roof

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Elbonians Jumping Off Roof - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #jump, #height, #suicide, #struggle, #failure

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Dilbert: We have a problem at our Elbonian manufacturing plant. Employees are leaping from the roof to end their lives. Boss: It's only two stories high. Dilbert: That's the problem. It takes three jumps to do it right.

Picking The Spaceship Staff

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Picking The Spaceship Staff - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #space, #space flight, #rocket, #death, #sacrifice, #astronaut, #medical

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CEO: How's the Mars spaceship project going? Boss: Good. I picked our worst employees to be on the first test flight, just in case it explodes. CEO: Good thinking. Boss: We have two ways to win and no way to lose.

Ted Gets A New Phone

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Ted Gets A New Phone - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #punishment, #reward, #gift, #samsung, #explosion, #battery

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Boss: Congratulations, Ted, your job performance has earned you a new mobile phone. Ted: Isn't this the model that has the exploding battery problem? Boss: Your job performance wasn't good either.