Right To Asylum Comic Strips - Page 13
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657 Results for Right To Asylum
View 121 - 130 results for right to asylum comic strips. Discover the best "Right To Asylum" comics from Dilbert.com.
Monday September 21,
2015
Hairdresser Illuminati
Tags #hair, #haircut, #hairstyles, #success, #Politics, #candidates, #secret organization, #secret society, #control
Transcript
The Hairdresser Illuminati. Dogbert: Before we start, I'll need to see a list of your political views. Hoo-boy, this is some crazy stuff. I have just the right hairstyle for this. There. That should keep you out of The White House.
Sunday September 20,
2015
Tags #managers & supervisors, #credit, #motivation, #obliviousness, #hiring, #logic, #business
Transcript
Boss: The secret to success is hiring the right people. Dilbert: Then why doesn't everyone do that? Boss: It takes a lot of skill to hire the right people. Dilbert: Did you just find a way to take all of the credit for the team's success? And did you do it in a clever way that was intended to make you look humble even while hogging all the credit? Boss: I also motivate you. Dilbert: You're money?
Tuesday September 15,
2015
Dilbert's Project Is Late
Tags #raise, #wages, #money, #salary, #catch-22, #anger, #frustration, #labor, #review
Transcript
Boss: I can't give you a raise because you didn't finish your project on time. Dilbert: That's because you make me work on your personal project half of every day. Boss: You have to learn to say no. Dilbert: I've never wanted to kill you more than right now.
Thursday August 20,
2015
Dilbert Has Free Will
Tags #free will, #crime, #invention, #murder, #control, #self control, #guilt, #innocence
Transcript
Police Officer: Halt! You are under arrest for killing Ted in a cafeteria fight. Dilbert: I am innocent. My brain stimulator had a software glitch that made me do it. Police Officer: But you had free will, right? Dilbert: Do I have to believe in magic just to get arrested?
Wednesday August 19,
2015
Software Killed Ted
Tags #invention, #software, #free will, #behavior, #murder, #anger, #glitch, #malfunction, #control, #self control, #psychology, #engineering
Transcript
Boss: I have a report that you killed Ted in a cafeteria brawl. Dilbert: Not exactly. My brain stimulator had a software glitch, and it made me homicidal for a minute. Boss: So... you're a murderer, right? Dilbert: Software killed Ted. I was only the weapon.
Friday August 07,
2015
Motivation Is Magical Thinking
Tags #motivation, #magic, #inspiration, #futility, #futile, #honesty, #hard truth
Transcript
Dogbert: Motivation is a form of magical thinking in which you imagine that your words can turn useless people into high achievers. Boss: But it totally works, right? Dogbert: Yes, because magic is real. Boss: Is it hard to learn? Dogbert: Not if you already know how to lie.
Sunday July 05,
2015
Tags #ideas, #problems, #talking, #solution, #obliviousness, #criticism, #honesty
Transcript
Boss: Why didn't you tell me our biggest vendor pulled out of the deal? Dilbert: If I told you my problems, you would suggest solutions. Your solutions generally don't make sense. But you are my boss, so I would be obliged to waste time looking into your suggestions. So if you try to solve my problem, I will have two problems instead of one. Boss: Sometimes my ideas are good! Right? Dilbert: That is a dangerous way to think.
Sunday June 21,
2015
Tags #wifi, #wi-fi, #internet, #coffee shop, #public, #privacy, #security, #technology, #cyber security, #password, #identity, #identity theft, #passwords
Transcript
Dilbert: Yay, you have wi-fi! Now I can drink overpriced coffee while strangers steal my passwords. The timing is sort of a coincidence. Because I was just wondering what would be the fastest way to lose everything I own. And this fixes one of my other big problems too... I always want to share my browser history with strangers, and now I can! By the way, I'm Dilbert. Elbonian: I was Gropnorb, but now I go by Fred. Dilbert: Did a guy named Fred use your wi-fi? Elbonian: Right after he under-tipped.
Thursday May 28,
2015
Alice Can Be Disrespectful
Tags #mocking, #frustration, #power, #helpless
Transcript
Boss: Alice mocked me in a meeting and I didn't react. Now she thinks she has the right to be disrespectful all the time. Catbert: You can't afford to lose a top engineer. Just wait it out and she will get tired of it. Alice: Sproink! Look what happens when you tell a lie! Boss: Hold... hold...
Sunday May 17,
2015
Tags #flirting, #romance, #privacy, #stalking, #creepy, #creeper, #gestures, #gifts, #coworkers
Transcript
The New Employee. Dilbert: Hi, I'm Dilbert. I bought you a book. Woman: Okay, weird. Who buys gifts for new co-workers? And how did you know this is my favorite author? Dilbert: I asked one of the network guys to check your browser history. Catbert assured me that employees have no right to privacy. I heard that women like it when men put thought into a gift. I hope you appreciate my romantic gesture. Wally: Did she make a romantic gesture back? Dilbert: I choose to interpret it that way.