Sit Down Comic Strips - Page 13
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1000 Results for Sit Down
View 121 - 130 results for sit down comic strips. Discover the best "Sit Down" comics from Dilbert.com.
Monday July 30,
2012
Tags business failures/bankruptcies, stock market, innovative pordcuts, in pipeline, r&d budget, firings, sexy startup, work smarter, ironic, money
Transcript
Boss: Our stock is down 49% and we have no innovative products in the pipeline. CEO: Slash the R&D budget, fire 9,000 employees, and buy a sexy start-up company that we can run into the ground. Boss: We did all of that last year. CEO: Did I already tell the employees to work smarter? Boss: Yes. They thought you were being ironic.
Wednesday June 27,
2012
Tags hope for survival, nearsighted billionaire, hunt, private island, foraging situation
Transcript
Dogbert's retirement planning service Dogbert: Your only hope for survival is if a nearsighted billionaire offers to hunt you on his private island. Customer: Does that job pay well? Dogbert: It's more of a foraging situation. Customer: Must... adjust... expectations... down.
Thursday May 31,
2012
Tags shared leadership, model, piece of role, blame
Transcript
Boss: I'm moving to a shared leadership model. Each of you will take on one piece of the leadership role. Dilbert: What's my piece? Boss: Let's see. I have you down for something called... blame.
Monday May 14,
2012
Tags anger, discrimination, Women, containment unit, steel vault, Men, co workers, job, condesending, freak out, death, business, medical
Transcript
CEO: Settle down, honey. I didn't ask for your opinion. I'm telling you what we're going to do. Dilbert: Gaaa!!! Lower the containment unit! She's going to blow. CEO: When will it be safe? Dilbert: Right after you die.
Friday April 20,
2012
Tags business ethics, competitors network, elbonians, bribe blogger, limited capacity, self control, bury in woods
Transcript
Boss: Can you hack into our competitor's network and make it look as if the Elbonians did it? Dilbert: No. Boss: Can you bribe a blogger to write good things about our company? Dilbert: No. Boss: Now that I've worn down your limited capacity for self-control, I need you to bury something in the woods, no questions asked. Dilbert: Fine.
Monday February 27,
2012
Tags internet & world wide web, ideas, wine, liquid lunch, tweet, down trodden, sense of humor, twitter, cell phone, office, technology
Transcript
BAD IDEA Boss: I should drink wine at lunch more often. WORSE IDEA I'm in the mood to tweet. WORST IDEA I hope the down-trodden have a sense of humor.
Saturday February 11,
2012
Tags arrogant, awesomeness, deep undertsnding, meetings, moral obligation, no kill switch, reports, tecnology, tone down
Transcript
Boss: I'm getting reports that you're being arrogant in meetings. Dilbert: That's because I have a deep understanding of technology and a moral obligation to keep simpletons from ruining the world. Boss: Maybe you could tone it down. Dilbert: There's no kill switch on awesome.
Sunday January 01,
2012
Tags big business, business ethics, executive program, relocate, vindictive, stress, loser, turn down opportunity, train, discomfort, underlings
Transcript
Boss: You've been selected for our executive development program. That means we can make you relocate to any godforsaken dirt stain we want. As soon as you make friends or find romance, we'll move you to someplace new and worse. It won't be the sort of work you'll enjoy, and the stress might kill you. If you turn down this opportunity, the company will forever label you as a loser. If you accept the offer, the company will train you to find pleasure in the discomfort of your underlings. I'm doing it right now! Dilbert: I HATE MY LIFE!!! Boss: Yes, yes, say more.
Saturday December 31,
2011
Tags celebrations, new year's day, happy new year, oxytocin drug dealer, magical thinking, space time continuum
Transcript
Woman: Happy New Year! Dilbert: Whoa! Settle down. I don't celebrate the magical thinking that says one random point in the space-time continuum is somehow special. Woman: It's just a hug. You'll enjoy it. Dilbert: You're like some sort of Oxytocin drug dealer.
Sunday December 04,
2011
Tags car pool, saving planet, steal time, theif, hitch a ride, hero, ride in trunk, pretend, sneaky, leave work
Transcript
Russell: Gotta go. Carpool. Boss: Okay. See you tomorrow. Wally: I have to go too. Boss: Whoa! Sit back down. Wally: Why does the carpooler get to leave early? Boss: Carpoolers are like heroes that are saving the entire planet. You're more like a thief who is trying to steal time from the company. Wally: What if I hitch a ride home in the carpooler's trunk? That would make me a hero too. Boss: That sort of makes sense. Russell: I only pretend to have a carpool, but you're welcome to ride in my trunk. Wally: Deal!


