Solve Problems Comic Strips - Page 13

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

216 Results for Solve Problems

View 121 - 130 results for solve problems comic strips. Discover the best "Solve Problems" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

View Transcript

Transcript

Job Interview "We need someone who can solve the biggest engineering problem we have ever encountered." "Just distribute the power supply across both functions and double the fan size." "Thanks. If I need anything else, I'll interview you again."

Top Dilbert Searches

marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #billion dollar line, #design, #ecstatic, #massive design flaws, #press release, #proper incenives, #stock options, #underwater

View Transcript

Transcript

"I told our CEO that the design would be done in a month. He's ecstatic!" "That would be good except that I told you it won't be done for six months." "Ooh." "So, I guess you'll have to tell him." "It's too late." "He's already issued a press release. You'll have to finish the design in a month." "The only way to do it in a month is to accept massive design flaws that will destroy a billion dollar line of business." "That's okay. My stock options are so underwater that it won't make any difference." "I'll just blame all of the problems on the Chinese company that manufactures our products." "Ultimately, it's the CEO's fault for failing to give me proper incentives."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #misleading, #financial problems, #shady innocent people, #personal gain

View Transcript

Transcript

Our shareholders are suing us for misleading them about our financial problems. "Since when is it illegal to shaft innocent people for personal gain?" "Don't put that in the minutes." "I'll see what I can do."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #wrong budget, #no probelms, #unrealitic, #failure, #deceptive forecstas, #believe the lie, #deception, #optimism, #few hours, #perfect budget

View Transcript

Transcript

"This budget would only work if the project encountered no problems whatsoever." "So?" "All projects have unexpected problems. Therefore, this budget is almost certainly wrong." "Leaders do not plan for failure." "Do leaders make deceptive forecasts and later act shocked when things don't work out?" "No." "A leader first makes himself believe the lie, thus turning deception into an inspiring form of optimism. Observe." "GAAA!!! BELIEVE! BELIEVE!" "The swelling will go down in a few hours. Then we'll have a perfect budget." "What?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #emotionally unstable coworkers, #prescribe meds, #wrong choice, #defects

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: All of your problems are caused by emotionally unstable coworkers. "Try prescribing meds from the internet to fix their defects." Dilbert: Okay. That one was the wrong choice. Let's try something else." The Boss: "GRRRR!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #america, #arrogance, #elbonians, #end of time, #fight you, #fix problems, #what we do

View Transcript

Transcript

In Elbonia Wally: "I'm from America and I'm here to fix all of your problems." Elbonians: "Your arrogance is offensive. We will form an armed resistance and right you to the end of time!" Wally: "Um... Why?" Elbonians: "It's just something we do."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #pre meeting, #problems, #fix them, #budgets, #deadlines, #technical stuff, #any questions, #feel nauseated, #great job, #compliments

View Transcript

Transcript

Let's have a pre-meeting before your meeting with our vice president. "Don't mention any problems because he might try to fix them." "Don't say anything about budgets or deadlines because he might reduce them." "Leave out the technical stuff because it will only confuse him." "That leaves me nothing to talk about." "Perfect!" "Hello... And in summary. Are there any questions?" "Wow! That's the first presentation that hasn't made me feel nauseated or dizzy! Great job!" "Why does success make me hate humanity?" "They deserve it."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #pointy haired boss, #problem, #project, #upgrade denied, #stupid resolution, #extra disc space, #conscioussness

View Transcript

Transcript

"When our pointy-haired boss asks you about your project, what should you say?" "I would inform him about any problems." "Big mistake. If he hears that you have a problem, he might try to help." "How can help be bad?" "Asok, how's your project?" "Good, but I need to upgrade my disk drive to store all of the image data." "Forget that. Just e-mail peices of the database to employees who have extra disc space." "Please pull on this until I lose consciousness."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #other people, #problems, #discomfort, #effect on oether, #oblivious

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I've noticed that all my problems are caused by other people. Dilbert: Ive noticed that all of my problems are caused by other people. Yet ut seen sos unlikely that other people would cause me so much discomfort while i never bother anyone. Is it possible that Im oblivious to my effect on others? dogcart: ZZZZZ

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #brown bag seminars, #ethical, #ethics problems, #seminar

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: The company will be holding a series of brown bag seminars on corporate ethics. Dilbert:is it ethical to steal our lunch hour and pretend that the ethics problems sent come from our executives? The Boss: I wouldn't know because I haven't taken the seminar.