Stock Market Comic Strips - Page 13
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266 Results for Stock Market
View 121 - 130 results for stock market comic strips. Discover the best "Stock Market" comics from Dilbert.com.
Friday May 07,
2004
Tags elbonian call center, software in stock, wear pants, porcelain unicorn
Transcript
Elbonian Call Center "We don't have that software in stock." "But may I interest you in a set of porcelain unicorn figurines that wear pants?" "Really? Wow. Your country has way too much money."
Sunday May 02,
2004
Tags stock investing, valuable data, project on schedule, refines data, ceo, accountants, nanotaechnology, discount brokerage, investors, secret society, donald trumps
Transcript
dogcart explains stock investing Dogbert: pay attention. First, employees provide data. Th boss: is your project on schedule? Wally: I didn't know I had a project. A Manager refines the data. The boss: we're on schedule. The CEO gives visibility to analysts. CEO: no problems whatsoever. Accountants publish bad news in footage notes using a combination of nanotechnology and gibberish. Accountant: still too obvious. -Discount brokerage firms tell you that you're smart- Use you own ideas! Investors do their own research Buy it because I did. Thank you unbiased stranger! A secret society of Donald Trump look alike end up with all your money trumps: you're fired. you are!
Sunday March 21,
2004
Tags market budget, horse purchase, top thoroughbread, broke leg, starting gate, shot horse, sponger sailboat, lunch, roast beef sandwhich, piece of lead
Transcript
"Our director of marketing will give us an update." "We spent our entire marketing budget buying a racehorse." "We named the horse after our flagship product because they're both fast, get it?" "Unfortunately we didn't have enough budget for a top thoroughbred." "Our horse broke its leg walking to the starting gate, so we shot it." "Next year we plan to sponsor a sailboat." "Anyway, your lunch today is brought to you by the marketing department." "Enjoy." "Hey, my roast beef sandwich has a piece of lead in it."
Monday March 15,
2004
Tags target market, one customer, 10 thousand units, shop carefully
Transcript
Dilbert: "Our target market is people who don't shop carefully." "Our product is designed to attack the user and force him to reorder." "We only have one customer but we've sold 10,000 units."
Monday February 16,
2004
Tags consultant, create, disruptive innovations, dogbert consults, redefine market, business
Transcript
DOGBERT CONSULTS Dogbert: "To survive, you must create disruptive innovations that redefine the market." wally: "Does that mean the same thing as 'sell things people want'?" Dogbert: "There's one big difference." wally: "You only get paid if you say it in a funny way?" dogcart: "I like to think disruptively innovative."
Monday February 09,
2004
Tags typo discovered, driving staretgy, eberyone, avery wong, free delivery
Transcript
Ask: "I discovered a typo in the market forecast that is driving our company strategy." "Where it says,'Everyone would want one,' it should have said, 'Every Wong would want one." "Worse yet, I called Mr. Wong and he said he was joking." The Boss: "What if we gave him free delivery?"
Tuesday January 27,
2004
Tags deadly safety flaw, stock plunge, massive layoffs, ruined career, dead customers, hardest
Transcript
Asok: "Wally, I discovered a deadly safety flaw in our product. Who should I inform?" Wally: "No one. The stock would plunge and we'd have massive layoffs. Your career would be ruined." Asok: "But my negligence could cause the deaths of a dozen customers." Wally: "The first dozen is always the hardest."
Monday December 29,
2003
Tags ceo, move offcie, near ceo home, hug expense, eat mud and die, stock options, buy hummer
Transcript
The Boss: "Our company is relocating to be nearer to our CEO's home." "When asked about the justification for the huge expense, our CO quipped, 'HA HA HA! Eat mud and die!'" "Then he gave himself some stock options and went to buy a Hummer."
Saturday December 13,
2003
Tags feet off desk, random mangement, stock rise, so random, commands
Transcript
The Boss: "Take your feet off the desk." Dilbert: "Is this an example of random management or do you think it will make our stock rise?" The Boss: "It's up .02%. Heh-heh-heh, not so random after all."
Sunday July 13,
2003
Tags technology strategy, not written yet, doesn't exist, duh, duh to infinity
Transcript
The Boss comes into Dilbert's cubicle and says, "Dilbert, write up our technology strategy." Dilbert replies, "Okay." He pauses and then asks, "What's our strategy?" The Boss says, "How should I know? It's not written yet." He pauses and then adds, "Duh!" Dilbert turns and says, "How can I write about something that doesn't exist?" He pauses and then adds, "Duh!" The Boss replies, "It will exist, as soon as you write it." He pauses and then adds, "Duh!" The Boss and Dilbert exchange "Duhs:" The Boss says, "Duh!" Dilbert responds, "Duh!" The Boss says, "Duh!" Dilbert responds, "Duh!" The Boss says, "Duh!" Dilbert responds, "Duh!" The Boss turns to leave and says, "Just do it." The Boss thinks to himself, "Double duh." Dilbert responds, "Whatever." Dilbert thinks to himself, "Duh to infinity." Dilbert faces his computer and thinks, "If my company stock had any value, I'd be selling it right now."

