Talk Comic Strips - Page 13

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368 Results for Talk

View 121 - 130 results for talk comic strips. Discover the best "Talk" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business ethics, poor persons, rich people, invented ethics, trash talk

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CEO: Did you know that poor people invented ethics to control rich people? Nice try, poor people! It's not working! If they haven't killed me by now, a little trash talk won't make any difference.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags talk like idiots, slap lipstick, deliverable, actionable, underpaid

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Ratbert: Let's talk like idiots. Bob: Ha ha! You go first! Ratbert: Slap lipstick on the pig, put a stake in the ground, and view it from 30,000 feet. Bob: That deliverable is actionable. Ratbert: Wait... why do I suddenly feel like hiring you? Bob: And why do I feel underpaid?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags eupemisims, excretaed, jargon, rebalancing, streamlining, excreted

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Employee: Just give it to me straight. Skip all of your jargon and euphemisms. Don't tell me you're rebalancing or offboarding or streamlining. Just talk to me the way you'd talk to your spouse. Boss: Consider yourself excreted. Employee: Well, now I see why you use euphemisms.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags all worked up, complain about attitude, escalated, low priority tasks, emergency

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Alice: Stop whatever you're doing and go research the answer to this question. Brad: I don't have time to work on low-priority tasks. Alice: Give me ten minutes to transform it into an emergency. Brad is being unhelpful. I need you to talk to his boss. Boss: Sure. Brad refuses to help Alice. Brad's Boss: Help her do what? Boss: I don't know, but obviously it's very important because it got escalated. Brad's Boss: It must be an emergency because everyone is all worked up about it. Alice: Now hum a happy tune or I'll complain about your attitude.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags carbon dioxide, exhales endangered species, fabrications, harbard, higgs boson particle, licorice and flashlight, national football league, no bragging rights, no kids, training for olympics

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Coworker: My daughter is training for the Olympics. My son is going to Harvard. Dilbert: I have no spawn of my own, so I claim the right to name a proxy to brag on my behalf. Topper, I need you. Topper: OF course you do. My daughter discovered the Higgs boson particle using nothing but licorice and a flashlight. My son inhales carbon dioxide and exhales endangered species while playing in the National Football League. Coworker: This isn't fair! You can't just make up stuff! Topper: According to the president of the International Society of Boasters, fabrications are acceptable. Coworker: I'd like to talk to that guy. Topper: You're looking at him. Dilbert: I win.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags conversation, bad habit, misinterpreting, bad mouthing, too paranoid, sounds crazy

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Co-worker 1: So, Dilbert, what else are you working on lately? Dilbert: I'd rather not say because you have a habit of misinterpreting everything you hear and then bad-mouthing it later. Co-worker 1: He basically said he's too paranoid to talk to people. Co-worker 2: He sounds crazy.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags engineers, squirming, team players, thwart inaction

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Co-worker: Why are all the engineers in this meeting squirming when I talk? Did your boss order you to act like team players during this meeting and later thwart me by inaction? Answer me!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags conversation, exit strategy, serial talker, infinite unrelated, engineers

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Boss: Talk to Allen about this. Dilbert: I'll need an exit strategy. He's a serial talker. I'll be trapped for hours while he strings together infinite, unrelated stories. Boss: Engineers have weird problems. Dilbert: What could I eat that would make me puke in ten minutes?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags secretary, busy day, phone rings, lunch, meetings, bad timing

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Alice: Don't talk to me now, Im trying to think. ONE HOUR LATER Alice: Im on the phone. TWO HOURS LATER Alice: Im late for a meeting. THREE HOURS LATER Alice: Come back when Im not busy. FOUR HOURS LATER ALICE: Please. Im trying to eat my lunch. FIVE HOURS LATER Alice: Okay. this is a perfect time, what can I do for you? Dilbert: Okay, so.... ring Alice: I think your problem is bad timing.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags dating, fast date, technologically, incompatible, internet connection, slow connection, 4g service, relationships

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Dogbert: That was a fast date. Dilbert: We were technologically incompatible. Her internet connection is slow, and there's no 4G service where she lives. How could I spend my time there? Dogbert: You could just talk. Dilbert: I like to show my sources.