Things Are Fine Comic Strips - Page 13

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

542 Results for Things Are Fine

View 121 - 130 results for things are fine comic strips. Discover the best "Things Are Fine" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags arguing, job, job description, managers, manipulation, taking advantage, task, whiney quitter, resourceful entrepreneur, personal growth, outside the box, key to greatness, assigning wrong people, mow lawn, business

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: That isn't in my job description. Boss: What?! You should never tell your boss that a task isn't in your job description! It makes you sound like a whiney quitter instead of a resourceful entrepreneur. And don't forget all the personal growth that comes from taking on new challenges. Think outside the box. That is the key to greatness. Dilbert: So, according to you, the best way to achieve greatness is by assigning the wrong people to tasks? Are there any other dumb things I need to do to achieve greatness or is one thing enough? Catbert: Did you find someone to mow your lawn yet? Boss: Almost. He's putting up a fight.

Boss Uses Hickory Wand

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Boss Uses Hickory Wand - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags harry potter, magic, wand, wizard, leadership, hickory branch

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I keep saying leader-ish things, but the employees are still terrible. Catbert: Try using this hickory branch as a wand. Boss: Qualitos improvimentus! Wally: I'll be on the Harry Potter.

Love Me For My Mind

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Love Me For My Mind - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags dating, love, priorities, relationships, vanilla scented lotion, mind

View Transcript

Transcript

Woman: I want a guy who loves me for me, and not for the way I look... or the things I do. Dilbert: That doesn't leave me much to work with. Can I love you for your money and your vanilla-scented body lotion? Woman: You could love me for my mind. Dilbert: That might have worked two minutes ago.

Dilbert Reduces Decisions

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dilbert Reduces Decisions - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags attractive, clothes, clothing, dating, deciding, decisions, eliminates decisons, fine tuning, system, tube clothes, relationships

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I only wear tube clothes now because it reduces my number of daily decisions. Tina: You mean decisions such as... where to go on a date? Because I don't see that coming up. Dilbert: I'm still fine-tuning the system.

Financial Advisor Is Surprised At How Easy It Is

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Financial Advisor Is Surprised At How Easy It Is - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags financial advisor, investing, money, stock market, swindling, convertible notes, preferred stock, call options, career ambition, ginat mosquito

View Transcript

Transcript

Financial Advisor. Advisor: Convertible notes... preferred stock... municipal bonds... covered call options. These are things you can never hope to understand. So trust me and try to forget that my only career ambition is to drain your account like a giant mosquito. Boss: That sounds reasonable. Advisor: I'm always surprised at how easy this is.

Boss Offers Constructive Criticism

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Boss Offers Constructive Criticism - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags criticism, insult, insults, managers, managers & supervisors, constructive critiscm, under informed, opinions, business

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Do you want some constructive criticism? Dilbert: No, but I would love some under-informed opinions about things you don't understand. Boss: That took a lot of fun out of it.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags criticism, feedback, managers, managers & supervisors, performance, appreciate, feel valued, belittle, indirect, slow and isorganized, business

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Would you like some feedback on your performance? Dilbert: No. Boss: You're supposed to appreciate feedback because it makes you feel valued. Dilbert: How does listening to you belittle me about things you don't understand make me feel valued? Boss: Well, I don't know. It must be an indirect thing. Maybe we should just try it and see how it feels. Dilbert: Whatever. Boss: I don't actually watch you work, so I'm mostly guessing about the things you do wrong. I accuse you of being slow and disorganized! Is it working yet? Dilbert: Yes. If that makes you go away.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags buy things, deception, evil, evil tool, images, lab notes, marketing, obliviousness, presentation, screen, unique sequence, business

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I discovered a unique sequence of sights and sounds that makes people buy things they don't need. I recommend that we destroy all of my lab notes and rid the world of this evil tool. CEO: You never told him what marketing is? Boss: He didn't need to know.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags blame, ceos, cnbc, executives, home address, layoffs, new prodcuts, product, quarterly, zero

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: Our sales for the quarter are zero. Because I might have mentioned on CNBC that we have a better, cheaper model coming soon. So... great job on the new product... and I need to fire half of you so it looks as if I do things. Voice: What is your home address?

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags budgets, deadlines, logic, obliviousness, projects, reasoning, software upgrade, rolled out, estimated finish date, same way, failure, on budget

View Transcript

Transcript

Coworker: The software upgrade will be written and rolled out in three months. Dilbert: Has any project of this complexity ever been completed by the estimated finish date? Coworker: Not yet. We're confident we'll be the first. Dilbert: Is that because you're doing things differently from all of those who went before and failed? Coworker: No. We're doing things exactly the same way as the people who failed. Dilbert: Do you see what I'm getting at? Coworker: No, not really. And we expect to be on budget. Wally: Snork!