Blame Insurance Carrier Comic Strips - Page 13

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147 Results for Blame Insurance Carrier

View 121 - 130 results for blame insurance carrier comic strips. Discover the best "Blame Insurance Carrier" comics from Dilbert.com.

Managing Your Boss

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Managing Your Boss - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #management, #accountability, #blame, #time, #time management

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Boss: Your project is three weeks behind schedule. Dilbert: That's the exact amount of time I was waiting for you to answer my questions. Boss: You need to manage me better. Dilbert: Okay, you're fired.

A System For Transferring Mistakes

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A System For Transferring Mistakes - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #blame, #mistake, #boss, #review, #human resources, #revenge, #business

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Boss: Make sure we get all of the cost savings that our vendor promised with our new software. Dilbert: Those savings are not real. The vendor lied to you because you know nothing about technology. Boss: If only I had some way to turn my mistake into his mistake. Catbert: It's called a performance review.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #scam, #death, #reincarnation, #con, #con artist, #ghost, #medical

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Dogbert: I'm starting a new business selling clothes to ghosts. My garments are made of the finest ectoplasm. Dilbert: Ghosts don't have money. Dogbert: They don't need money. I'm using a life insurance business model. If you pay me until you die, I will keep your ghost well-dressed for eternity. I also offer reincarnation services. Leave all of your stuff to me when you die and I'll give it back to you when I find the baby that got your soul. Dilbert: You'll be in trouble if your customers realize you're running a scam. Dogbert: If dead people start complaining, we've both got bigger problems than my scams.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #logic, #no-win, #deadline

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Wally: Are these user specifications complete? I ask because any later changes will cause me to miss the deadline. Man: What if I only need a tiny change later? Wally: I'm counting on it. That way I can blame you when I miss the deadline. Man: How do most people handle this situation? Wally: Well, the pessimists know they're doomed, so it's no surprise to them when it happens. Man: What do the optimists do? Wally: They become pessimists.

Gawful Media Company

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Gawful Media Company - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #merger, #acquisition, #gawker, #morals, #executives, #decision, #information

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CEO: The board is proud to announce that we will be acquiring the Gawful Media Company. Dilbert: Are you aware that Gawful is so despicable that a crime bill has their name on it? CEO: Hey, don't blame me. I told the board that someone should Google them.

Sales Is Blaming Marketing

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Sales Is Blaming Marketing - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #sales, #responsibility, #blame, #business

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Boss: Our salespeople are blaming Marketing for the low demand. Marketing is blaming Engineering for making a product no one wants. So I blamed our customers for misleading us about their needs. Asok: Now I don't feel so bad about our price-gouging.

Boss Wrecks Car

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Boss Wrecks Car - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #text, #distraction, #texting, #murder, #plot, #driving

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Boss: I wrecked my car because I was responding to your urgent text. For the third time in a row. Carol: What are you implying? Boss: Are you trying to kill me? Carol: I blame your bad judgment.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cpr, #bragging, #braggart, #ego, #one-up, #storytelling, #exaggeration

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Dilbert: My CPR instructor says I was one of his best students. Topper: That's nothing. I'm so good at CPR that my practice dummy came to life. He grew limbs and got married to a crash test dummy. They had three mannequins together and they live in the suburbs. But the marriage didn't last because the CPR dummy could not forget the taste of my lips. I blame myself for being irresistible. Why do all of my conversations end with me sitting alone?

Collusion In The Mind Only

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Collusion In The Mind Only - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #collusion, #russia, #donald trump, #publicity, #blame, #accusation

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Carol: So, I hear you colluded with our Elbonian competitors. Dilbert: No, I was cleared of that. Carol: Then why's it still in my head? Dilbert: I don't know how to respond to that. Carol: I take that as proof you're guilty.

No Path To Success

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No Path To Success - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #collusion, #russia, #donald trump, #blame, #accusation, #public opinion

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Alice: I hear you're a corporate spy for our Elbonian competitors. Dilbert: No, that was an unfounded rumor. Alice: That's exactly what guilty people say. Dilbert: I'm not seeing my path to success here.