Business Failures/Bankruptcies Comic Strips - Page 13
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1000 Results for Business Failures/Bankruptcies
View 121 - 130 results for business failures/bankruptcies comic strips. Discover the best "Business Failures/Bankruptcies" comics from Dilbert.com.
Tuesday August 31,
2004
Tags don't eat money, false hope business, lose weight, get rich, semi plausible
Transcript
Dogbert: I'm going into the false hope business. All I need is a semi plausible message about how to lose weight while getting rich." "Don't eat your money."
Wednesday December 15,
2004
Tags poison waffles, stock, insider trading, conflicts of interest, worthwhile, banking business
Transcript
"I'll recommend your stock to the public, but first I need some conflicts of interest to make it worthwhile." "For example, I'll need to get your investment banking business." "Okay." "And you need to merge with my other client that makes poison waffles." "Okay."
Saturday March 05,
2005
Tags business trip, success, civil war, plunged, society, darkenes, loot anything
Transcript
Wally: "My business trip to Elbonia was a success." "If anyone tells you that I cause a civil war that plunged their society into darkness, it's a lie." The Boss: "Did you loot me anything?" wally: "I didn't know your size."
Thursday May 19,
2005
Tags no budeget, give raisem, business trip las vegas, four million, bathrub, flooded five floors, bartenders
Transcript
The Boss: "Don't blame me, but there's no budget to give you a raise this year." Alice: "Why not?" The boss: "My business trip to Las Vegas cost four million dollars because I passed out in the bathtub with the water running and flooded five floors." The boss; "The bartenders there are totally irresponsible."
Thursday December 15,
2005
Tags venture capitalist, most desparate, vc business, idea worth funding, crooked teeth
Transcript
"I'm Vijay, the world's most desperate venture capitalist." "The VC business is more competitive than ever. I'm going to stalk you until you come up with an idea worth funding." "No pressure, but all of my kids have crooked teeth."
Friday December 16,
2005
Tags desperate venture capitalist, vjay, business plan, napkin, lunch, table, break room, money, throws money
Transcript
Vijay, the World's Most Desperate Venture Capitalist "Does anyone need a napkin to write on?" "What are you thinking now? Could it be a business plan?" "TAKE MY MONEY!!! TAKE IT!!!" "He's nice."
Saturday February 18,
2006
Tags business, competition, sales, sales personnel
Transcript
The land of unrealistic business assumptions. Dilbert: We need to find some assumptions about future sales. Dang! There's only one way across and it's blocked by an inebriated hillbilly. Dogbert: In the land of unrealistic assumptions, this guy is your only competitor.
Monday May 01,
2006
Tags new vice president, billon dollars, garbage barge, oceanfront realestate, open business, barge
Transcript
"I worked all year on a project that got canceled today because we got a new vice president who didn't like it." "I made a billion dollars by convincing suckers that a garbage barge was oceanfront real estate." "Would you lend me some money so I can open my own business." "No, but I know some people on a barge who would."
Monday August 06,
2012
Tags business meeting, cup of water, not impressed, fill sink, bring own cup, not impressive, optics
Transcript
Customer: I'd like to do business with your company, but I'm concerned that the only beverage you can afford to offer me is water from the restroom sink... and I need to bring my own cup. Dilbert: I also offered to fill the sink and let you lap it out. Customer: And now I'm thirsty!
Monday September 03,
2012
Tags anger, apathy, computer programmers, preventer of information, business case, teamwork seminar, goldfish crackers
Transcript
Mordac: I, Mordac, the preventer of information services, reject your business case because you used the old template. Ha ha ha! I feed on your anger and frustration! And now I will eat like a king! Dilbert: Good luck with that. I've been dead on the inside since the teamwork seminar. Mordac: Sheesh. I'm living on goldfish crackers.


