Clone Yourself Comic Strips - Page 13

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205 Results for Clone Yourself

View 121 - 130 results for clone yourself comic strips. Discover the best "Clone Yourself" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #addicted to email, #endorphins spike, #loneliness and despair, #email to self

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"I'm addicted to e-mail. My endorphins spike when I get a message." "When there are no messages, loneliness and despair overcome me." "Have you tried sending e-mail to yourself?" "We don't talk about that."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #forecast, #predcit, #pants so high, #kill self with belt, #statue erected, #honor of blet, #stupid towns people

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The Boss: "Alice, I need your forecast and I need it right now." Alice: "I predict that someday you'll wear your pants so high that you'll choke yourself to death with your belt." "And the towns-people will erect a statue to honor your belt." The Boss: "Stupid towns-people."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #[roducts name, #means something bad, #elbonian, #pleasure from wedgie, #thinking of trying, #elbonia

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We've just been informed that our product's name means something bad in the Elbonian language. "It means "the intense pleasure derived from giving yourself a wedgie."" "Thus was hatced the greatest prank ever perpetrated by Elbonia." "I gotta try that."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"If you don't give us a urine sample to test, I have to fire you." "How about a hair sample to test instead?" "How do I know it's your hair?" "You can take the sample yourself." "Add this to the list of things you shouldn't trust human resources to do."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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Loud Howard returns "Loud Howard, I'm planning a reorg and I need you to..." "A REORG?" "...keep it to yourself." "CAN DO!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"Wally, the marketing department requested your help." "Me?" "Our new product is worthless, much like yourself. They figured you'd have some insight." "All it does is occupy space and smell bad." "Well, it's definitely a gift item."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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This completes my presentation. "Does anyone have a question designed to increase my workload for your entertainment?" "How much money would the company save if you did the entire project by yourself?" "Hmmm..."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #eupemisims, #excretaed, #jargon, #rebalancing, #streamlining, #excreted

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Employee: Just give it to me straight. Skip all of your jargon and euphemisms. Don't tell me you're rebalancing or offboarding or streamlining. Just talk to me the way you'd talk to your spouse. Boss: Consider yourself excreted. Employee: Well, now I see why you use euphemisms.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #honesty, #managers & supervisors, #bad job, #new assignment, #poor job, #matching skills, #business

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Boss: Can you explain why you're doing such a bad job on your new assignment? Dilbert: Yes I can: some idiot did a poor job matching my skills to my assignment. Boss: Let's try it again, but this time say something bad about yourself. Dilbert: I'm too honest?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #computer software, #managers & supervisors, #budget, #work monitoring software, #calendar, #year 2040, #square boxes, #business

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Boss: I don't have a budget for the network monitoring software you need, so you'll have to write it yourself. Dilbert: Good plan. I'll check back with you when I'm done doing that. What's your calendar look like in the year 2040? Boss: Sort of a grid with square boxes.