Control Freak Comic Strips - Page 13
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CEO Visit CEO: "My meetings go faster when I set the tone." "Opinions are treason." "Do you have any opinions, Doofy?"
Dilbert: Do your estimates include tax and shipping? Tina: Relax, relax, calm down." "There's no need to go all nuts about the tax and shipping. It's under control. Take a deep breath." Dilbert: Um...All I asked was..." " Tina: Gaaa! You're totally losing it now!"
CEO: Did you know that poor people invented ethics to control rich people? Nice try, poor people! It's not working! If they haven't killed me by now, a little trash talk won't make any difference.
Boss: Did you ever think that getting that face tattoo might be a bad career move? Interviewee: No. Was there ever a time you thought overeating was a bad idea? Because people can see that. Boss: You don't interview well. Job interview
Alice: I've learned to control reality by creating fake websites and doing search engine optimization. Boss: Did you hear about the idiopathy epidemic? They symptoms include pointy hair and gullibility. The only treatment is for someone else to slap the victim. Alice: Ask for it like you mean it.
The Boss: Dilbert says I'm predictable. Am I predictable? Catbert: Gesundheit in advance. The Boss: Must...Control sneeze. Must...Not be...predictable." "Mroomph!" Catbert: Yesterday I drew a picture of what this would look like."
Dogbert's Rumor Control Ted says, "I need to squash a workplace rumor that I'm an idiot." Dogbert says, "I charge $10 for each false rumor and $1,000 for any rumor I decide is true." Ted says, "Sounds fair." Dogbert says, "Really? That just cost you $1,000."
The Boss says, "Your quality metric for next year is to win 30% more bid proposals." Dilbert says, "No problem. I'll use my magic powers to control how much our competitors bid." The Boss says, "I worry that you're not taking this seriously." Dilbert says, "If the muggles find out, I'll wipe their memories."
The Boss says, "Alice, I need you to give a presentation to the entire sales division." Alice says, "GAAA!!! The very thought of public speaking dehydrates me!" The Boss thinks, "Maybe I should find someone moister."