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Dilbert sits at his desk. Dogbert asks, "Do you think the chemistry of the brain controls what people do?" Dilbert replies, "Of course." Dogbert asks, "Then how can we blame people for their actions?" Dilbert replies, "Because people have free will to do as they choose." Dogbert asks, "Are you saying that 'free will' is not part of the brain?" Dilbert replies, "Of course it is, but it's the part of the brain that's out there just being kind of free." Dogbert says, "So, you're saying the 'free will' part of the brain is exempt from the natural laws of physics." Dilbert answers, "Obviously, otherwise we couldn't blame people for anything they do." Dogbert asks, "Do you think the 'free will' part of the brain is attached or does it just float nearby?" Dilbert replies, "Shut up."
Dilbert sitting at computer terminal while The Boss gripes, "I don't see why our web pages need URLs. Get rid of them." The Boss, in a unsure manner, says, "Did that make any sense?" Dilbert replies, "Yes, it's brilliant." Dilbert says, "Give me a month and I'll replace our URLs with uniform resource locators." The Boss clinches his fist and says, "Perfect."
Ratbert and Dogbert are on the couch. Dogbert holds a remote control and leans against a cushion. Ratbert says, "Do you mind if I fill the gaps in our conversation with random observations?" Dogbert says, "No." Ratbert says, "So, you got a little pillow there, eh? Eh?" Ratbert says, "When I say, "Eh?", that's your cue to answer."
Tags #new vp, #cost containment, #first priority, #reduce expenses, #office supplies, #supply cabinet locked, #butter efficient secreatray, #naive question, #dispirited hollow shells, #product shoddy, #get supplies, #like honesty
The Boss, Alice, Dilbert, Asok, Wally and an executive sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "I'd like you all to meet our new vice president in charge of cost containment." The VP says, "My first priority is to reduce our spiraling expenses for office supplies." The VP continues, "From now on, your supply cabinet will be locked." The VP continues, "The only key will be under the control of your bitter and inefficient secretary. Questions?" Asok raises his hand and says, "I am only an intern so please excuse this naive question . . ." Asok continues, "I've noticed that the employees are all dispirited hollow shells, management is random and our products are shoddy." Asok asks, "How are you going to solve that by making it hard to get supplies?" The VP looks angry. Asok says to Wally, "I thought you said they like honesty." Wally whispers, "Ask how much he's paid. It shows you care."
Dilbert walks through the house thinking, "Where's Dogbert?" Dilbert sits on the couch and turns the television on with the remote control. He thinks, "Uh-oh." On a tv commercial, Dogbert sits at a desk wearing a sorcerer's hat. Dogbert asks, "Are you gullible? Do you spend money on stupid stuff?" Dogbert continues, "Call the 'Dogbert Gullible Friends Hotline' for help. Only four dollars per minute." On tv, a woman says into a telephone, "Hello, Dogbert. I bought an exercise machine and I'm still lazy." Dogbert says, "Please hold." The woman replies, "Okay." Dogbert says, "Call now, and I'll replace your old television with a new one that looks just like it, while you sleep!" Dogbert continues, "If you don't have a touch tone phone, stay on the line . . . Until you get one."
Dilbert and Dogbert sit at a table. Dilbert holds a device and says, "I call my invention the D-Chip Television Filter." Dogbert says, "I feel safer already." Dilbert explains, "It screens out any show with violence." Dogbert replies, "There goes the news, sports and dramas." Dilbert says, "It also gets rid of shows that feature dishonesty or sexual innuendos." Dogbert says, "Goodbye comedy and commercials." Dilbert says, "Let's hook it up." Dilbert sits on the couch holding the remote control and Dogbert sits on the backrest. Dilbert looks at the television and says, "All we're getting is weather reports." The newscaster says, "A huge tornado ripped through a . . ." There is a beep and then only static. Dilbert says, "It works! The evil can't get to us now, Dogbert." Dogbert says, "Unhook that #!*% thing or I'll rip off your leg and beat you to death with it."
Dogbert walks into The Boss's office with a piece of paper. Dogbert says, "I've been hired by an employee who just resigned." Dogbert explains, "I'll be his stand-in for the exit interview." Dogbert stands on The Boss's desk. Dogbert says, "I'dl ike to begin by discussing your senseless slaughter of the english language." Dogbert reads from the paper, "....And on April 8, you were heard saying, "We have to nip that problem in the butt." Dogbert says, "Now lets talk about your stellar leadership." Dogbert reads, "Your inspirational motto is....." Dogbert shakes his fist and yells "If I want you to do something that's a waste of time, it's my perogative!" Dilbert reads, "Moving on to hygiene..." The Boss muses, " I am probaly one of those misunderstood geniuses."
Dilbert's mom and Dilbert sit on the couch in Dilbert's living room. Dilbert's mom says, "...I'm going to infrared from the keyboard to my "linux" box." She has a keyboard on her lap. Dilbert says, "Nice mom" Dilbert's mom makes a fist and says, "I just sent a flaming e-mail to Bill gates, saying "Linux rules!" Dilbert says, "you what?" Bill gates sits in captians chair in a military looking facility. Bill says, "Launch the competitionkeeper missiles."
Dilbert sits on the couch next to Dilmom. Dilbert says, on the phone, "Dogbert, Mom told Bill Gates she uses the "Linux" operating system!" Dogbert stand at a large control panel which included a radar screen. Dogbert says, "I'm tracking four incoming missles. I'll launch our anti-miscrosoft weapons to intercept." Three reporters fly through the air towards a missle that has "MS" on its side. One of thre reporters says, "I wondered why a press conference was being held in a huge catapult."
Wally sits in the boss' office. The boss says, "Wally. your performance is slipping again." The boss says, "That calls for my most severe disciplinary action." The boss begins to eat a sandwich. Wally looks horribly shocked, his hair stand on end. Wally shakes. Asok says, "He made you watch him eat?" Dilber raises his fist and says, "Monster!"