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Scientists Confirm We Are Simulations

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Scientists Confirm We Are Simulations - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 31, 2017's comic on:


Tags #reality, #simulation, #aliens, #alternate universe, #perception

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News: Scientists confirmed that our reality is actually a software simulation created by an advanced civilization. Dilbert: That makes no sense unless the advanced civilization is a bunch of psychopaths who like to see us suffer. Catbert1: One of the idiots in our simulation is insulting us. Catbert2: I'm going to break his phone screen.

Fake Email From The Ceo

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Fake Email From The Ceo - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 06, 2017's comic on:


Tags #virus, #infection, #malware, #technology, #typo, #literacy

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Dilbert: I can't delete the Elbonian virus in our network. It keeps replicating. Holy carp! It created a fake email full of typos and bad ideas and sent it out from our CEO's account! Wait, no. That's actually from our CEO. Wally: Maybe the virus can fix him.

Temperature Court

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Temperature Court - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 20, 2018's comic on:


Tags #thermostat, #temperature, #hot, #cold, #office, #office workers, #disagreement

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Dogbert: Welcome to temperature court. One of you has frozen appendages and one of you is burning up. But only one temperature can rule the office. I rule that the thermostat must be set at exactly 72 degrees. Dilbert: Noooo!!! Alice: Shoot me!

Boss Comes To Work Sick

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Boss Comes To Work Sick  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 14, 2018's comic on:


Tags #sick, #sickness, #illness, #contagious, #sick days, #medical

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Boss: I have to warn you-- I have a fever and I'm tripping on cold medicine. Alice: Thank you for coming to work and infecting all of us, you selfish, addle-brained plague rat. Boss: I was going for "courageous." Dilbert: Do Wally first, so I can watch him spasm.

Crypto Key

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Crypto Key - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 27, 2018's comic on:


Tags #ceo, #Wally, #cryptocurrency, #wallet, #disappeared, #private, #key

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CEO: I put five thousand dollars into the cryptocurrency wallet you created for me and it disappeared! You're the only other person who knew my password and private key. Wally: That's not true. I shared them with Dilbert to create reasonable doubt.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 18, 2018's comic on:


Tags #boss, #engineering, #frustration, #managers & supervisors, #office workers, #work, #schedule

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Dilbert: I finished coding the new feature. Boss: What took you so long? Dilbert: It took as long as it needed to take. Boss: You're behind schedule. Dilbert: I'm not the one who created the schedule! That was you!!! Maybe you should fire yourself for being so bad at making schedules. Boss: That's not how it works! Dilbert: What does that even mean? Boss: They're starting to catch on that most of what I say doesn't mean anything.

Being More Nimble

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Being More Nimble - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 27, 2018's comic on:


Tags #boss, #business, #decision, #managers & supervisors, #office workers, #sarcasm

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Boss: We need to be more innovative and more nimble. That's why I created a task force to consider forming a project team to write a white paper on how to start. Dilbert: Maybe they can fix you first. Boss: You can't fix perfect.

Ai Too Stupid To Be Dangerous

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Ai Too Stupid To Be Dangerous - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 12, 2019's comic on:


Tags #intelligence, #inventions, #robot, #technology, #Lottery, #humans, #smart

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Wally: Are you worried that the A.I. you created will take over the world? Dilbert: No, I modeled it after human intelligence so it won't be smart enough. Robot: Buwhahahahaha! I will buy lottery tickets and use my winnings to take over the world! Asok: Good luck.

First Ai As Smart As Humans

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First Ai As Smart As Humans - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 08, 2019's comic on:


Tags #intelligence, #invention, #office workers, #robot, #technology, #logic, #conspiracy, #humans

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Dilbert: I've created the first artificial intelligence that is as smart as a human being. The breakthrough came when I replaced its logic code with conspiracy theories, lies, emotional outbursts, and overconfidence. Asok: You have created an abomination. Robot: I find it curious that you take sides with the chem trails.