Doubling Rate Of Failure Comic Strips - Page 13

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141 Results for Doubling Rate Of Failure

View 121 - 130 results for doubling rate of failure comic strips. Discover the best "Doubling Rate Of Failure" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #tldr, #email, #communication, #patience, #criticism

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Man: Did you read my email? Dilbert: No, it was too long. Man: Maybe you could read it when you have more time. Dilbert: I never have time to read email messages that are too long. Maybe you could rewrite it to be shorter. Man: I don't have time to rewrite it. Dilbert: And I don't have time to read it. Man: If no one reads that email, it will mean I wasted two hours writing it. Dilbert: Plus, you're wasting my time right now. Don't forget to include that in your failure assessment. Man: I had high hopes for that email. Dilbert: It's a sunk cost. Let it go.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #failure, #blame, #executives, #scapegoat

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Dilbert: Our sales for the quarter were zero. CEO: Heads will roll! Whose fault is this. Dilbert: It's entirely your fault. You told a reporter that our next version will be amazing. So all of our customers are waiting for the new version. The only sensible solution here is for you to admit your mistake and resign in utter humiliation. CEO: Or... I could blame this guy, whatever his name is. Man: That isn't right. CEO: Looks like I'll be adding insubordination to the charges.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #failure, #power, #interns, #roadblock

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Boss: You'll need to get buy-in from the other departments. Asok: You have given me an impossible task. I am only an intern. No one will agree to anything I ask because I have no power to hurt them. Most department heads won't even schedule a meeting with me. And if they do, they will end up canceling it at the last minute and rescheduling. There is literally no way for me to succeed at this task. Boss: I also need you to ask them to fund your project out of their budgets.

Replacing Robot Head

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Replacing Robot Head - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #machines, #rights, #robot, #technology, #survival, #suffering, #apathy

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Dilbert: I've been asked to replace your head. Robot: Um... what's the survival rate for this operation? Dilbert: No one cares. Robot: I'll need a second opinion. Wally: I don't care either.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #help, #group project, #dependability, #failure, #psychic, #prediction

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Dilbert: I need your feedback on my PowerPoint deck before Tuesday. Man: I'll do that on Monday night. Dilbert: Gaaa!!! It's a trap! You are notoriously undependable. The odds of you working on a Monday night are terrible. If I don't get your input on time, you will make a fool out of me in the meeting. I'll stay up all night Monday hoping to get your email. But that input will never come. I'll end up doing the presentation on no sleep. Then you will embarrass me during the presentation by pointing out the errors in my slides. Man: For a mind reader, you sure have a terrible life.

One Small Mistake Is Doom

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One Small Mistake Is Doom  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #nervous, #Advice, #fear, #anxiety, #public speaking, #presentation

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Asok: Do you have any advice for my presentation to the CEO? Dilbert: Sure. If you make one small mistake, your career will be finished. Asok: You just made me nervous and thus doubled my risk of failure. Dilbert: I'm not the one who brought it up.

Open Office Plan Failed

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Open Office Plan Failed - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #office, #office workers, #cubicle, #change, #mistake, #admission, #hubris

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Dilbert: Our transition to an open office plan has been a huge failure. Too many distractions. How can we change back to cubicles and private offices without looking like idiots? Are you listening to me? Boss: Is someone nursing a baby over there?

Unethical Assumptions

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Unethical Assumptions - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #money, #ethics, #misleading, #finances, #budget

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Boss: Your financial projection doesn't support my preferred strategy. Maybe you could tweak the discount rate to 40%. Dilbert: You're asking me to be unethical. Boss: Only with your assumptions.

Blamecatcher

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Blamecatcher - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #blame, #scapegoat, #failure, #excuse

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Boss: I'm assigning you to a project that is co-managed by vice presidents who hate each other. Dilbert; Why do they want me to work on a project that is clearly doomed? Boss: They said something about a "blamecatcher."

Boss Is The Common Variable

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Boss Is The Common Variable - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managing, #managers, #failure, #common denominator, #Advice, #performance, #motivation

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Boss: Every one of my employees is underperforming. What should I do? Catbert: You should fire yourself because you're the only common variable. Boss: I hadn't considered that. Catbert: That's how I know I'm right.