Executives Comic Strips - Page 13
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135 Results for Executives
View 121 - 130 results for executives comic strips. Discover the best "Executives" comics from Dilbert.com.
Sunday September 27,
2015
Tags illusion, strategy, business, executives, bluff, bluffing
Transcript
CEO: Revenue is dropping, but don't panic. We have a new strategy that will fix everything. Dilbert: How do you know it's a good strategy. CEO: I can tell by looking at it. Dilbert: Why don't all failing companies create great new strategies and become profitable? CEO: Hmmm. Good question. Dilbert: Maybe it's because no one can tell a good strategy from a bad one, but acting like you know the difference gets you a bigger paycheck. CEO: I just need buy-in for the strategy. Wally: If you give me a raise, I can pretend to know it's good.
Wednesday September 09,
2015
Ceo Gets Paid More For Creating Nothing
Tags small talk, conversation, criticism, executives, salary, wages, fairness, offense, offend, money
Transcript
Dilbert: Do you ever think it's weird that you get paid a hundred times more than me? I invented our core technology. All you did was interview better than a few other people who didn't invent anything. I'm not good at small talk. CEO: I would totally fire you if I could invent things.
Thursday September 10,
2015
Understanding The Problem
Tags Advice, wisdom, criticism, bad advice, executives, success
Transcript
CEO Wisdom. Asok: Can you teach me to be a success? CEO: Yes, obviously. Stop everything you're doing now because it clearly isn't working. Asok: That's it? CEO: Understanding the problem is half the solution.
Thursday September 24,
2015
Ceo Compensation
Tags money, worth, salary, wages, fairness, fair, pay, expenses, saving, rich people, executives
Transcript
Dilbert: I just saw your net worth on the Internet. What's this meeting about anyway? CEO: It's about keeping expenses down. Dilbert: More for you? CEO: That's not the spin I was going to put on it.
Sunday December 13,
2015
Tags change, fear, power, executives, decision, threat, hypocrisy
Transcript
CEO: You must learn to embrace change. Dilbert: Can we change anything we want to change? CEO: No. You don't get to say what the changes are. I do that. Alice: Will that situation ever change? CEO: No. Alice: Why not? You said change is good. CEO: Change is good. For other people. So embrace it or I'll fire you. Employees: We love change!!!
Saturday January 09,
2016
Engineer Touches Spreadsheet
Tags numbers, budget, obliviousness, approval, disease, contagious, managers, executives, accuracy, fantasy
Transcript
CEO: I approve this project based on your boss' spreadsheet calculations. His calculations must be accurate because an engineer handed them to me. Is that all you need? Dilbert: I need a hug, but I don't want to catch whatever caused all of this.
Monday March 07,
2016
When Does The Motivation Start
Tags effective, effectiveness, executives, motivation, eric scott
Transcript
Dilbert: In the meeting, you said you are the best at motivating. I was wondering when you plan to start, because I could use some motivation. CEO: I've been doing it for five years. Dilbert: At work?
Wednesday September 07,
2016
Weak Sales Reorg
Tags executives, money, golden parachute, greed, logic, sales, business
Transcript
Boss: Our executive team didn't know what to do about weak sales. SO they reorganized the company and gave themselves new titles and big raises. They still don't know what to do about weak sales, but they report being happier about the situation.
Sunday September 18,
2016
Tags executives, robot, technology, fairness, unfair, golden parachute, oblivioiusness
Transcript
CEO: The good news is that none of you will lose your jobs to robots. But a robot will take my job next week. I'll retire with an enormous severance package and live out my days in splendor. Meanwhile, the robot that takes my job will be working all of you to death. Robots are natural leaders because they don't care about your feelings. You will experience mental and physical misery on a scale the world hasn't seen since slavery was legal. But hey, it's better than losing your job to a robot. Am I right? Apparently, nothing makes them happy.
Friday October 07,
2016
Fire The Bottom Ten Percent
Tags rank, hierarchy, value, fired, termination, layoff, logic, executives
Transcript
CEO: I want you to fire the employees you ranked in the bottom ten percent. Boss: Wouldn't that just put someone else in the bottom ten percent? CEO: Everything made sense until you started talking. Boss: Sorry.

