High Priority Comic Strips - Page 13
179 Results for High Priority
View 121 - 130 results for high priority comic strips. Discover the best "High Priority" comics from Dilbert.com.
Share February 05, 1995's comic on:
Dogbert points to a sign that says, "Dogbert explains leadership." Dogbert points to a man who is wearing an untucked shirt and staring blankly ahead. Dogbert says, "Leaders start their careers as morons." The caption says, "They are drawn to meetings like moths to a porch light. The moron walks toward a conference room. Dogbert points to a diagram of a human body. He says, "The successful moron will have a very high bladder-to-brain ratio." The caption says, "They prevail in all decisions because they are impervious to logic or coffee." Dilbert sits at a conference table with the moron and another man. The moron says, "Let's do it my way!" The other man says, "Okay!" The caption says, "These qualities are perceived as leadership." The moron pours coffee on himself. The Boss tells the moron, "You're promoted!" The caption says, "After several promotions their job tends to match their talents." The moron tells Dilbert, "I award you this award." Dogbert says, "Conclusion: leadership is nature's way of removing morons from the productive flow."
Share August 06, 1995's comic on:
Dilbert lies on a couch in a psychiatrist's office. The therapist asks, "When did you start believing that your boss was an evil entity from another dimension?" Dilbert imagines the Boss telling him, "I'd like to sit in on your customer meeting." Dilbert thinks, "Uh-oh." The Boss, Dilbert and a woman sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "Let me share the high level strategic view." Dilbert thinks, "Here we go." The Boss spreads his arms and says, "Life began in the primordial stew literally hundreds of years ago . . ." The Boss continues, "But we are the only company who ever found synergies in our win-win solutions!" The caption says, "Two hours later." The Boss says, "And we won't sop until we delight every customer!" The woman looks shocked and Dilbert covers his eyes. The customer says, "I'd be delighted if you just told me about your new Internet access product." The Boss replies, "I cancelled the funding yesterday." The Boss stands up and says, "Who's up for a tour of our cubicles?" Dilbert says, "Gotta go."
Share December 14, 1997's comic on:
The Boss and Bruce walk by a cubicle. The Boss says, "We don't have a cubicle available for you yet, Bruce." The Boss says, "So I'm declaring this part of the carpet to be your office." The Boss says, "If someone goes to a meeting, you can sneak into his cubicle and use the phone." The Boss says, "Our computer budget is gone, but we have an old monitor that you can put on top of your briefcase." Bruce says, "Can I put tape on the carpet to mark my boundary?" The Boss says, "That won't be necessary, thanks to this hi-tech device." Bruce says, "A dog collar?" The Boss puts the collar around Bruce's neck. The Boss says, "It will give a mild shock if you cross your invisible boundary." Alice says, "The new guy hasn't left that spot for a week." Dilbert says, "Wally taught him to beg for food."
Share June 16, 1999's comic on:
Alice, Dilbert and Wally eat lunch. Alice says, "I'll wear a clever disguise then interview for the engineering job here." Alice says, "If he offers me more money than I make now, I'll take the job. Heh-heh" Alice sits on the boss' office diguised in a very high hat and a dark glasses. The boss says, "You're suspiciously fashionable for an engineer." Alice says, "I store tools up there."
Share April 07, 2001's comic on:
HIGH SCHOOL REUNION: Talking to a woman at his high school reunion, Dilbert says, "I started with nothing. Now I have my own cubicle." Dilbert says to the woman, "Say, now that we're both adults, would you like to... You know?" The woman says, "Yes." People at the high school reunion stare at Dilbert, who has his underwear pulled up over the back of his head. Dilbert thinks, "I've got to be more specific."
Share January 02, 2002's comic on:
Dilbert approaches a coworker and says, "I need your cost estimates for my bid proposal." The coworker says, "A billion dollars." Dilbert responds, "That sounds high for administrative overhead." The coworker replies, "If you already know the cost, why ask me?" Dilbert says angrily, "You'll make us lose the bid." The coworker replies, "I like to think of it as winning less work."
Share January 21, 2003's comic on:
Dilbert is sitting at his computer. The Boss approaches and says, "I'm putting you in charge of building our new technology lab." The Boss continues, "Pick the contractor with the lowest bid. I don't see any problems with that strategy." Dilbert is meeting with a beaver. Dilbert says, "So, your bid says you'll do the job for... 'A chance to gnaw on wood.'" The beaver responds, "Too high?"
Share July 14, 2003's comic on:
Headline: The Cluttermeleon Lines His Nest with Printed Debris. An employee is carrying a large stack of papers nto a cubicle already filled with stacks of paper. Headline: A Predator Comes Out of His Lair. The Boss pokes his head out of his office. Headline: The Quick-Thinking Cluttermeleon Uses His Power of Disguise. The Boss looks into the messy cubicle. The employee is hidden underneath an extra high stack of paper.
Share February 02, 2004's comic on:
The Boss: Your project is my top priority. Tell me everything that I need to know. In so bored...cant...stay...awake. Dilbert: I haven't started talking yet. The Boss: Int gets worse??! Dilbert: oo okay
Share October 25, 2004's comic on:
"Accounting" "Can you explain these expense figures?" "It's a base ten accounting system with a full range of odd and even digits." "This isn't helping." "Tastes like hp printer ink... high gloss paper, four hours old."