How To Program Comic Strips - Page 13

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View 121 - 130 results for how to program comic strips. Discover the best "How To Program" comics from Dilbert.com.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags customer service, loyalty program, survey, frustration

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Man: Would you like to sign up for our customer loyalty program? Dilbert: Why would I do that? Man: If you don't we'll overcharge you on your purchases. But if you sign up, we will add a new level of complexity to your life that will make you hate us. Dilbert: I'll stick with the customer disloyalty program. Just overcharge me and I'll never come back. Man: You can get ten percent off your purchase today if you fill out an online customer survey and enter our store code. Dilbert: Please just overcharge me and let me leave! Man: I almost hesitate to ask which extended warranty option you want.

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marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac

Dogbert's Insult Consulting

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Dogbert's Insult Consulting - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags company rules, insulting, co workers, teach how, insult, within guidelines, standing desk, meeting, employer, business

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Dogbert consults DOgbert: Company rules forbid you from insulting your co-workers. I'll teach you how to insult each other while staying within company guidelines. The boss: That doesn't seem possible. Dogbert: you should look into getting a standing desk.

How To Use Personality Profiles

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How To Use Personality Profiles - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags personality test, personaity, privacy, memory, forgetfulness, absent mindedness

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Dilbert: We all took the Dogbert Personality Test, bu tit's not clear how we're supposed to use the information. I mean, how does it help me to know you're a forgetful moron who can't keep a secret? Boss: Who showed you my private test results? Dilbert: You did.

How Conspiracy Theories Start

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How Conspiracy Theories Start - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags conspiracy, aspersions, guilt, innocence, blame

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Narrator: How conspiracy theories start. Alice: I can't find my spreadsheet files. Asok: I saw Dilbert going into the server room. Alice: That doesn't mean any... Asok: Carol said he was mad about something you said. Narrator: Continued...

How Dare You

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How Dare You - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags offended, offense, accusation, strategy

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Wally: My new defense against every accusation is to be offended by the question. Dilbert: That works? Wally: Depends how hard I sell it. Woman: Why haven't you returned any of my emails? Wally: How dare you!

How About Lunch

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How About Lunch - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags dating, flirting, rejection, relationships, obliviousness

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Dilbert: Would you like to have a drink after work? Woman: I don't drink. Dilbert: How about lunch? Woman: I also don't eat. Do you see a pattern yet? Dilbert: You're an android?

How Dilbert Can Help

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How Dilbert Can Help - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, project, criticism, option, boss, worthless

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Dilbert: How can I help you on your project? Woman Employee: I'll send you my files and you can do all of my work while I criticize you behind your back. Dilbert: Is there another option? Woman Employee: Yes, it' involves telling your boss you're worthless.

How Long To Make Ai

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How Long To Make Ai - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags computers, engineering, intelligence, office workers, sarcasm, technology, robots, humans

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Boss: How long would it take you to create artificial intelligence that is as smart as humans? Dilbert: It shouldn't take me long to dumb-down a computer to human levels. Boss: What? Dilbert: It might take five minutes, tops.

How Long Will It Take

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How Long Will It Take - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags computer software, office, office workers

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the boss: how long will it take to fix the bug? dilbert: that depends. how long will you stand behind me and interrupt me? the boss: how should i know? i can't see the future?

How To Reduce Turnover

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How To Reduce Turnover - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, office, office workers, success, turnover, pay

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the boss: i'm looking for ideas on how to reduce turnover. dilbert: maybe you could increase our pay and stop thwarting our chances for success at every turn. the boss: i'll ask someone else.