Management Cloak Comic Strips - Page 13

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331 Results for Management Cloak

View 121 - 130 results for management cloak comic strips. Discover the best "Management Cloak" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 04, 2010's comic on:


Tags #school, #coach, #time management, #rudeness, #stand on stool, #angry, #yell, #swear, #type, #cell phone, #wag tail, #education, #technology

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Dogbert says, "Welcome to Dogbert's school of time management." Dogbert says, "Today you will learn that rudeness and good time management are the same thing." Man says, "Answer my #@*% question!" Dogbert says, "Keep typing, Beverly! He doesn't exist."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 11, 2010's comic on:


Tags #favor, #excuse, #integration manager, #director of sustainability, #real, #matrix management, #neo

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Coworker says, "Wally, would you??" Wally says, "No. I'm doing something important for the brand integration manager." Coworker says, "Maybe after that you could?" Wally says, "Then I'm doing a rush job for the director of sustainability." Coworker says, "Are those even real people?" Wally says, "Welcome to Matrix management, Neo."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 12, 2010's comic on:


Tags #matrix management, #neo, #earbuds, #ipod, #computer, #powerpoint, #die, #scared, #technology

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Wally says, "This is where you jack into matrix management, Neo." Wally says, "Insert these iPod ear buds and fire up PowerPoint. The reality you once knew is gone." Wally says, "One more thing: If your computer dies during powerpoint, your career dies in the real world."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 20, 2009's comic on:


Tags #meeting, #anger management, #argument, #annoyed, #business

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Catbert says, "I'm sending you to an anger management class because of your recent outburst against your boss." Dilbert says, "When one is being abused by a figure of authority, anger is a healthy and appropriate response." Catbert says, "Right. We want less of that."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 21, 2009's comic on:


Tags #angry, #meeting, #anger management, #group, #scam, #business

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Man says, "Welcome to Eddy's school of anger management. I'm Eddy." You Man says, "I was once like you: Angry at every idiot in the world." Group says, "How'd you stop being angry at idiots?" Man says, "I created a school so they'd give me money while I insulted them."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 08, 2009's comic on:


Tags #technology, #changing, #competition, #submitting, #management, #delays

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The Boss says, "After eight months, senior management finally approved your project plan." Dilbert says, "It's too late. All of the technology has changed and our competitors have leapfrogged us." The Boss says, "Maybe you could write a new plan." Dilbert says, "Or we could get the same result by resubmitting this one."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 07, 2008's comic on:


Tags #reject proposal, #reason, #level of management, #authority, #get fired, #starve to death, #repharse, #question

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The Boss says, "I reject your proposal." Dilbert says, "Is there any particular reason this time?" The Boss says, "At my level of management I don't have the authority to approve anything important." The Boss says, "But I do have the authority to reject things." The Boss says, "If I don't reject proposals, there's nothing for me to do." The Boss says, "If I do nothing I'll get fired. I might never get another job. I could starve to death." The Boss says, "So I have to reject everything you propose or else I might die." Dilbert says, "What am I supposed to do now?" The Boss says, "Can you rephrase that question in the form of a proposal?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 07, 2010's comic on:


Tags #management theory, #engineer, #find, #choices, #unhelpful, #useless, #office, #characters, #impractical, #doomed, #high demand, #engineering

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Man says, "I need you to assign one of your engineers to my project." The Boss says, "Follow me and I'll show you your choices." The Boss says, "This one is highly capable, but she's in such high demand that you'll be lucky if she ever returns a call." The Boss says, "This one is aggressively unhelpful." The Boss says, "This one will tell you that all of your plans are impractial and doomed." The Boss says, "That one is an intern, so no one takes him seriously." The Boss says, "My management theory is that nature makes everyone useless in their own way." Man says, "I'm not useless." The Boss says, "Said the man who can't find a good engineer."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 08, 2007's comic on:


Tags #management consulatant, #consulting firm, #worthless, #managing, #consulting, #hired

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Dogbert: "You should hire me as your management consultant." Man: "We're a management consulting firm. We don't need a management consultant to consult us." Dogbert: "Are you saying that management consulting is worthless?" Man: "No, I'm saying we already know everything about management consulting." Dogbert: "How can you be so sure I can't help you when you don't know what my advice will be?" Man: "Okay, you're hired. What's your advice?" Dogbert: "Beats me. I'll have to ask my management consultant."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 23, 2007's comic on:


Tags #management retreat, #golfing, #swimming, #drinking, #getting massages, #count printer papaer, #meaningless work assigned, #dead body, #Sports

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The Boss: "I'm off to the management retreat." "I won't be reachable because I'll be busy golfing, swimming, drinking, and getting massages." Carol: "And attending meetings?" The Boss: "I don't see how we'll have any time for that." "While I'm gone, I have a few tasks for you to do." "Open all the packages of printer paper and make sure they have the right number of sheets." "Then crawl into the heating ducts and see if you can find what died in there." Carol: "It's my last boss." the Boss: "Spray him with something lemony."