Past Year Comic Strips - Page 13

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468 Results for Past Year

View 121 - 130 results for past year comic strips. Discover the best "Past Year" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags annoyance, cruelty, impossible, totally worthless, vacations

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Alice: It's impossible to get anything done this time of year because everyone who isn't totally worthless is on vacation. Dilbert: None taken.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags competition (psychology), stop level meeting, confidentail, retribution, every day retribution

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Boss: Your annual skip-level meeting with my boss is next week. Everything you say about me is confidential. But just to be on the safe side, I scheduled my retribution for every day of the following year.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business ethics, clubs, meetings, society for the preservation of evil ideas, file patents, sue for infringement, embezzle, Entertainment

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Dogbert: Welcome to the monthly meeting of "The Society for the Preservation of Evil Ideas." Our goal for the coming year is to convince companies to file absurdly broad patents and sue each other for infringing. CIO: How do we make money from that? Dogbert: Beats me. I'm just here to embezzle your dues.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business ethics, stock market, hedge fund, million dollars, insider trading, algorithm, winning trades, create algorithm, eat fiber, money

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Dogbert: I'll pay you a million dollars a year to work at my hedge fund. I'll do the insider trading and you pretend you created an algorithm that makes winning trades. Dilbert: What if I actually create the algorithm? Dogbert: Sure, and maybe you can eat fiber and make gold, too.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags anxiety, pessimism, approve goal, apathy, plan to fire, unimportant projects

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Ted: Did you approve my goals for next year? Boss: Yeah, whatever. Ted: Gaaa! Your apathy about my goals can only mean you to fire me within the next year! Catbert: Ha ha! Now give him unimportant projects. Boss: They all seem that way to me.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags commerce, joking, market share, increase market share, good sense of humor

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CEO: Our strategy is to increase market share. Dilbert: I'm confused. I spent all last year trying to decrease our market share. Was that effort wasted? Don't worry. Wally told me he has a good sense of humor. Wally: I'm not reliable.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags saving & investment, stock market, mba, losing money, money in gold, shiny portfolio, money

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CEO: I have an MBA and yet I keep losing money in the stock market. How can this be? Boss: I put all of my money in gold because it's shiny. My portfolio doubled last year. I'm thinking of getting an MBA. How long does it take? A week?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags anger, frustration, matrix comparing features, skin in game, bang head, cause extra work, value of time, ninja economics

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Ted: You know what would be great? I'd like to see a matrix comparing the features of our past products. Boss: Dilbert, why don't you pull that together for our next meeting! Dilbert: That would take two days and the matrix would have no practical use. The problem here is that Ted doesn't have any skin in the game. I propose that Ted has to bang his head on the table whenever he causes me to do extra work. That will help Ted make better decision about the value of my time. Ted: Never mind. Dilbert: Ninja economics!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags cruelty, employees, employee of month, october 1929, room to grow, past date, past month, business

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Boss: Congratulations, Asok. I'm naming you employee of the month. Your month is October 1929. Room to grow.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags writing, writing materials, five technology plan, plan for ceo, pie chart

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Boss: I need you to put together a five-year technology plan for our CEO. Dilbert: Sure. How about "tomorrow will be the same as today, and next year will be all flying cars and whatnot." Boss: Word it up and put a bow on it. Dilbert: I'll add a pie chart for the sizzle.