Pointy Haired Loser Comic Strips - Page 13
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View 121 - 130 results for pointy haired loser comic strips. Discover the best "Pointy Haired Loser" comics from Dilbert.com.
The real estate agent dogcart: if you don't buy the house I showed you someone else will. and every time it appreciates another million dollars you will cry out, "why was I so stupid?! why?! Why?!" And I'll be all, "Loser! LO-O-O - sir!" are you really not allowed to show me more than one house?
CATBERT: EVIl Director of Human Resources Catbert is walking through the office carrying a paper thinking, "I love my job." He walks into Wally's cubicle and says, "Hello, hapless employee." He continues, "I've renamed the four levels of employee performance..." "...To accurately reflect the views of management." Catbert reading from his paper, "The category of "exceeds expectations" is renamed to..." "..."At least he or she doesn't drool on himself or herself."..." He continues, "..."Meets expectations will be called "loser". "Does not meet expectations" will now be called "Die! Die! Die!"..." Catbert is walking off thinking, "I could send it out by e-mail but I enjoy seeing the looks on their faces."
Catbert: Evil director of human resources Catbert: "I like to use role play to evaluate job applicants." Pretend you're an unqualified loser. Wow. You're totally nailing it."
Wally says, "Some people see me as a loser who achieves nothing." Wally says, "In reality I am a winner who knows how to set realistic goals." Dilbert says, "So you're sort of a genius." Wally says, "And yet my only goal was to have a pulse."
Doctor says, "He survived because his pointy hair cushioned the impact." Doctor says, "Please resist the urge to fiddle with the cool machines that keep him alive." Alice says, "Maybe we can make him smarter." Wally says, "What's this do?"
"I need you to accompany me on an important sales call." "Me?" "You're my secret weapon." "Well, okay." "What's your name?" "I'm Ed, from sales." "Only two companies make this type of product. The prices are identical." "The difference is that our engineering staff brings genius and innovation to everything it touches." "Whereas my competitor employs this loser." "Really? I wondered why you didn't look familiar." "Sold!" "You helped make a sale?" "Why does everyone act all surprised?"
Tags #internet & world wide web, #movies, #clever video, #create video, #internet, #go viral, #marketing experts, #engineer, #more passion, #loser attitude, #viral video, #Entertainment, #technology, #engineering
Boss: I want you to create a clever video about our product for the Internet. But make sure it goes viral or you're a total failure. Dilbert: No one can predict what goes viral. Marketing experts fail at this sort of thing 99% of the time. I'm an engineer with no relevant skills for this assignment. Boss: Maybe you could succeed if you had more passion. Dilbert: Gaaa!!! I need a rational boss, not passion! Boss: That's sort of a loser attitude. Asok: Hey, my video is going viral!
Boss: You haven't achieved any of your goals for the year. What is up with that? Dilbert: Do you want an explanation that goes back to the root cause? Boss: Of course. Dilbert: The problem started years ago, when two idiots unwisely created a third smaller idiot. They compounded their mistake with bad parenting. The toddler ate candy and sniffed wet paint until he became a pointy-headed boss. The pointy-headed boss set goals for his underlings that ignored the rapidly evolving nature of the industry. Then he got angry at his most talented employee for giving an accurate answer to a question. Boss: I hate you. Dilbert: Nothing could halt the downward spiral.