Publishing Needs Comic Strips - Page 13

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134 Results for Publishing Needs

View 121 - 130 results for publishing needs comic strips. Discover the best "Publishing Needs" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 08, 2015's comic on:


Tags #social, #party, #invite, #relationships, #friend, #friendship, #test, #popularity

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Dilbert: I'm having some people over to my house after work. Would you like to come? Woman: Who else is coming? Dilbert: Seven people said maybe, and one said he would get back to me. I think that shows a lot of interest. So how about it? Can you come? Woman: It depends on whether my sister needs a ride to the airport. Dilbert: When will you know? Woman: I'll text you. Dogbert: Are you sad that no one came? Dilbert: No, I was just A-B testing to see if I still hate all of them.

Asok Needs Money And Social Life

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Asok Needs Money And Social Life - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 23, 2016's comic on:


Tags #ride share, #rideshare, #uber, #driver, #taxi, #job, #business

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Asok: I have no social life and I need extra money. What should I do? Wally: You're one Prius away from being an Uber driver. Narrator: Continued.

Elbonians Steal Encryption Software

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Elbonians Steal Encryption Software - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 23, 2016's comic on:


Tags #encryption, #technology, #national security, #privacy, #terrorism, #terrorist

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Elbonian 1: I stole the enemy's encryption-breaking software. Elbonian 2: My phone doesn't have a hole for this. I think it needs an adapter or something. Elbonian 1: Is it time to admit we're in over our heads? Elbonian 2: Why are the heathens so good at this stuff?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 14, 2016's comic on:


Tags #workload, #work ethic, #laziness, #teamwork, #team, #philosophy, #business

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Dilbert: I don't know how you are stress-free when we have so much work to do. Wally: It's all about understanding percentages. No matter how hard you work, you will never finish even two percent of what needs to be done. The financial rewards of doing two percent of your work are identical to doing none. It's also a good idea to volunteer for several projects so everyone thinks you're working on the other ones. Your problem is that you're doing actual work for no good reason. Dilbert: My problem is that I'm doing your work plus my work! Wally: It's only two percent more work, you whiner.

Sales Is Blaming Marketing

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Sales Is Blaming Marketing - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 26, 2016's comic on:


Tags #sales, #responsibility, #blame, #business

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Boss: Our salespeople are blaming Marketing for the low demand. Marketing is blaming Engineering for making a product no one wants. So I blamed our customers for misleading us about their needs. Asok: Now I don't feel so bad about our price-gouging.

Boss Needs One Minute

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Boss Needs One Minute - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 05, 2017's comic on:


Tags #attention, #developer, #distraction, #frustration

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Boss: Do you have a minute? Dilbert: Yes. But I don't have the fifteen minutes it will take me to get back into the coding "zone" after your interruption. Boss: I only need one minute. Dilbert: What planet are you from?

Wally Presents His Invention To The Ceo

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Wally Presents His Invention To The Ceo - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 21, 2017's comic on:


Tags #invention, #heat, #charger, #phone, #coffee

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Wally: I invented a phone charger that uses its excess heat to keep your coffee warm. CEO: No one needs that. Wally: Hold that thought. CEO: Oh, heck. Wally: It sells itself.

When Clarity Is Not Your Friend

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When Clarity Is Not Your Friend - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 06, 2018's comic on:


Tags #language, #jargon, #communication

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Boss: Your project summary needs mare jargon and acronyms. The goal is to make ourselves look smart while making the readers feel dumb. Dilbert: What about clarity? Boss: Clarity is not our friend on this one.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 03, 2018's comic on:


Tags #work ethic, #productivity, #progress, #project, #deception

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Asok: I finished my project! Dilbert: Shhhh! Don't let anyone hear you say that. Only one of two things can come of it. Either you'll get more work or you'll get fired for not having enough work. Asok: Then how does anyone ever finish a project around here? Wally: We don't. We manipulate our boss into adding features so our projects are never complete. Asok: Is that hard to do? Dilbert: Not as hard as you might hope. Asok: How do you like the prototype so far? Boss: It needs a red button and some cooling fins.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 05, 2018's comic on:


Tags #the boss, #Wally, #goals, #employees, #accomplishing

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The Boss: Did you achieve your goals this quarter? Wally: I sure did! Best quarter ever! The Boss: Really? I wasn't expecting that. Wally: What kind of manager has no faith in his employees? You need to trust me to do what needs to be done. The Boss: Um, okay, so... Which goals did you accomplish? Wally: You also need to trust your employees when they say they accomplished their goals. The Boss: I think I see where this is going. Wally: I was hoping you wouldn't.