Reduce Wear And Tear Comic Strips - Page 13
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Wally has headphones in his hand. He says to Dilbert, "From now on, I plan to wear headphones in the office." Wally puts them over his ears and continues, "I'll be drumming my fingers and humming all day, I might even whistle." Dilbert says, "Inconsiderate #%*!$" Wally says, "I can't hear you, but I assume you're wishing me luck."
Dogbert is standing on a desk, still in his magician's hat. Dilbert says, "You have to stop telling people that you can talk to furniture. It's not right." Dogbert replies, "You work for a company that actively misleads customers. How's that different?" Dilbert says, "We call it marketing, and we don't wear hats." Dogbert responds, "The table says you're a hypocrite."
The boss: "Profits are down, so we fired the sales department to reduce costs." "This strategy heavily depends on people driving to our warehouse and begging for our products." "Do you think I should write a book?" Dilbert: "I'd try reading one first."
"Dogbert does PR." "There's some risk that the PR plan will cause you bad kharma." "Ooh." "For an extra fee, I can do some PR work aimed at the infinite fabric of the universe to innoculate you." "And I think I can get Britney Spears to wear your hairstyle." "Can you get her to grow her hair on her back, too?"
The Boss: "We haven't sold a single unit of our new wireless hassock product." "Our plan is to make the sales people work in teams and take turns wearing electroshock pants." "Now close the deal, Cliffy, or it's payback time." "BUY IT!!! BUY IT!!!"
Catbert: Evil director of human resources "Your position has been excessed, or as I prefer to say..." "I will tear the flesh from your bones!" "Phew! I love that yoga move." "There is like, no hope for a hug, right?"
"The prima donna" "Behold my indispensable greatness! No technical problem can thwart me!" "I wear no pants, as proof that I am above the rules. I am the alpha and the omega!" "Would you like to see a scoff, jeer, gibe, mock, sneer, fleer or flout?" "Fleer, I guess."
"I save so much time by not shaving that Im considering giving up all forms of hygiene." "I'd phase into it by having a few unwashed telecommuting days per week." "And if you wear clown shoes, you never need to clip your toenails." "I should be writing this down."
"Catbert: Evil director of human resources" "I can't decide what's cheaper..." "...An employee wellness program to reduce sick days or incentivizing the older, highly paid workers to die." "Maybe you could use math to figure it out." "When I said cheaper, I meant more fun."
The Boss: "Alice, I need your forecast and I need it right now." Alice: "I predict that someday you'll wear your pants so high that you'll choke yourself to death with your belt." "And the towns-people will erect a statue to honor your belt." The Boss: "Stupid towns-people."