Set A Conference Call Comic Strips - Page 13

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975 Results for Set A Conference Call

View 121 - 130 results for set a conference call comic strips. Discover the best "Set A Conference Call" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 12, 2007's comic on:


Tags #tech support, #asks customer, #information, #transfers call, #same questions, #barrier to progress, #other guy

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The Boss: "Asok, I need you to fill in at tech support for a few days." "You'll be the guy who asks the customer for information, then transfers the call to another person who asks exactly the same questions." Asok: "Wouldn't that make me a barrier to progress?" " The Boss: Only if the other guy actually helped."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 12, 2006's comic on:


Tags #catch and release, #ceo seminar, #hurt fish, #inform life, #new spouse, #philosophy, #set free, #spin off compnay, #without making decisions, #be decisive

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"Welcome to Dogbert's catch-and-release CEO seminar." "Catch-and-release is more than a way to hurt fish for entertainment." "It's a philosophy that will inform your entire life." "For example, when you acquire a new company, wait a few years and then spin it off." "When you catch a new spouse, wait a few years and then set it free." Boot! "When you golf, hit that ball into a hole and then take it out." "Your ultimate goal is to look decisive without making any real decisions." "Good seminar. It makes fishing more fun when you know it hurts them!" "Ouch!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 09, 2006's comic on:


Tags #important sales call, #secret weapon, #ed from sales, #prices identical, #engineering staff, #competitor, #employs loser, #act surprised

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"I need you to accompany me on an important sales call." "Me?" "You're my secret weapon." "Well, okay." "What's your name?" "I'm Ed, from sales." "Only two companies make this type of product. The prices are identical." "The difference is that our engineering staff brings genius and innovation to everything it touches." "Whereas my competitor employs this loser." "Really? I wondered why you didn't look familiar." "Sold!" "You helped make a sale?" "Why does everyone act all surprised?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 27, 2005's comic on:


Tags #work load, #complaints, #drowning in work, #priorotize, #fax, #new guy set, #faxing project, #reading comics

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The Boss: "Carol, the new manager hasn't hired an admin. so I said he could share you." Carol: "What?!!" "I'm drowning in work, and you want to double my load???!!!" The boss: "It's no big deal. Just prioritize your work." "And I need you to fax this." Carol: "No can do." "My top priority is getting the new guy all set up." The Boss: "Hmmm... I guess that's fair. I'll send him over." Carol: "I can't order your business cards, I need to do a huge faxing project!" "Hee hee! Marmaduke is sitting on something again!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 31, 2005's comic on:


Tags #alice, #boss, #car call, #diustarcted, #made distracted, #driving, #crashed

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Rrring! Alice : Now what? This is alice. Jo its your boss. alice: GAAA! its a car call. he's using me toenetratin himself while he's sitting in traffic Boss: How everything? Alice: I'll lose and hour of my life if I don't get him off the phone, Boss: Nice weather today. Alice: Do me a favor and look in your brief case to see if my latest report is there. The boss: Okay. The boss: and turn down your radio so Ic an hear you...and check your calendar on you pda GAA!!! CRASH! IM going to hell.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 16, 2005's comic on:


Tags #take the chair, #don't sell chairs, #sell hope, #hope of chairs, #ship in 2 months, #call and yell, #buy a chair

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SALE "I'll take that chair." "Excellent choice." "Now sit there quietly and try not to ask the one question that will kill this sale." "Is the chair in stock?" "GAAA!!!" "The truth is that we don't sell chairs at all. We sell the hope that a chair will someday be made for you." "How long will that take?" "If I could answer that question, it would be the same as selling you an actual chair." "How about if I tell you it will ship in two months, and you call and yell at me every three months for eternity?" "Did you buy a chair?" "There's no way to know."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 18, 2004's comic on:


Tags #vendor, #contract signed, #price set, #hurt to ask, #time machine, #feel stupid, #hurts to ask

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The Boss: as the vendor to take 20% off the price. Dilbert: Now??? You already signed the contract, The price is set in stone. The Boss: It doesn't hurt to ask. Dilbert: It doesn't? SO...although we just signed the contract, would you please lower the price 20% Ha Ha Ha!!! Geta time machine you bumpkin!!! DIlbertL GAAA!! I feel stupid and filled with self loathing....futiloty tugs at my should,,,,my guts are clenched! Good. Ask Id they'll go for 19% DIlbert: It hurts to ask!!!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 24, 2002's comic on:


Tags #bad management, #company dying, #customer centric, #four small groups, #participation, #skits, #electricity

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The Boss addresses a meeting, "Our company is dying.. but not because of bad management." The Boss continues, "It's because we're not.." He points to a slide that says, "Customer centric." Wally raises his hand and says, "Well, I for one feel better knowing we have correctly identified the problem." Wally turns to Dilbert and says, "That was a little thing I call participation; you should try it." The Boss says, "Now let's break into four small working groups." The Boss continues, "And develop skits based on our new focus of customer centricity." Dilbert says, "Um.. there are only four of us." He pauses and then says, "Wait.. nevermind." The Boss sits at the conference table alone and thinks, "I'll call my skit 'The Electricity of Customer Centricity."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 10, 2002's comic on:


Tags #red color, #presentation, #yellow, #set standards, #background colors, #metero, #pointy haired, #managing nitwits, #ear hole

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Dilbert points to a slide and says, "And then I would end the presentation with this." The Boss is sitting next to two other pointy-haired people. He says, "Whoa! I don't like the look of that background color." The Boss continues, "Red says danger. We don't want to scare our customers." Dilbert responds, "Um.. okay. How about yellow?" The second pointy-haired person says, "Yellow? Are we saying we're cowards?" The third pointy-haired person says, "What we need is a committee to set some standards for background colors." Dilbert responds, "What we need is a meteor to pulverize you three pointy- haired, micro-managing nitwits." After the meeting, Wally asks Dilbert, "If you didn't move your mouth, how did it get out?" Dilbert responds, "It came out of my ear hole."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 18, 2001's comic on:


Tags #call cemter, #reduce call, #questions, #products, #interface, #average call, #bonus, #priesthood, #mistake

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THE CALL CENTER: A worker sits in front of a computer wearing a telephone headset. A woman supervisor says to him, "Carl, reduce your average call time or you're history." Dilbert holds a portable telephone in his hand and presses buttons to dial a number to the sound of "Beep beep beep beep." Carl answers the phone angrily, saying, "What?!" Dilbert says into his telephone, "I have a question about your product." Carl yells into the telephone, "Faster! Faster! Faster!" Dilbert says into his telephone, "Um... It's about the interface." Dilbert hears Carl say, "Great. Thanks." There is the sound "click." Carl's supervisor says to him, "Your average call time is way down. You get a bonus." Carl holds his bonus check and thinks to himself, "Maybe it's a mistake to do this job while I study for the priesthood."