Stock Market Comic Strips - Page 13
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266 Results for Stock Market
View 121 - 130 results for stock market comic strips. Discover the best "Stock Market" comics from Dilbert.com.
Monday July 22,
2002
Tags bankrupt, 401k money gone, investing, competitors stock, wally rich, investing in competition
Transcript
Wally is sitting at his computer. Alice approaches and says, "Wally, what are we going to do now that we're bankrupt and our 401k money is gone?" Wally responds, "No problem. I've been investing all of my money in our competitor's stock. Now I'm rich." Alice asks, "Why do you still come to work?" Wally responds, "I don't know how to make coffee."
Tuesday July 23,
2002
Tags bankruptcy, bring executives, money, shake at roof, sold stock, money falling
Transcript
Alice says to Tina, "This is a list of our executives who sold stock before announcing bankruptcy." Alice continues, "My plan is to bring each executive to the roof, hold him by the ankles, and shake." Tina stands on the sidewalk with an open bag. Money and personals fall from the roof. Tina says, "Ooh! A cat comb!"
Monday October 21,
2002
Tags investment banker, deal sheet, company, defending, trillion doallr, asbestos, lawsuit, no earnings, stock analysts, business
Transcript
Headline: Dogbert the Investment Banker. Dogbert hands The Boss a piece of paper and says, "Here's a deal sheet for a company you should buy." Dogbert continues, "They're defending against a trillion-dollar asbestos lawsuit, and they have no earnings." Dogbert continues, "But that's okay because stock analysts don't dig that far into the minutiae."
Tuesday October 22,
2002
Tags investment banker, merger success, corrupt auditors, corrupt cfo, stock analysts, greedy bankers, clueless board memebers
Transcript
Headline: Dogbert the Investment Banker. Dogbert says to The Boss, "We have all of the elements to make the merger a success." Dogbert continues, "... Corrupt auditors, corrupt CEO, corrupt stock analysts, greedy bankers and clueless board members." The Boss asks, "And you?" Dogbert replies, "What are you implying?"
Tuesday October 29,
2002
Tags dogebrt attorney, best defense, ignorant, stock manipulation, convince judge, dumber than chocolate, outdoor las vegas, photo convention
Transcript
Headline: Dogbert the Attorney. Dogbert says to The Boss, "Your best defense is to say you were ignorant of your company's stock manipulation." Dogbert continues, "We need to convince a judge that you're dumber than chocolate pants at an outdoor Las Vegas photography convention." The Boss replies, "I don't get that." Dogbert says, "E-E-Excellent."
Monday April 07,
2003
Tags Dogbert, headhunter, stock up, ceo, random upturns, make millions, changing jobs, legal, victims
Transcript
Dogbert sits at a desk. He says into the phone, "This is Dogbert the Headhunter. I noticed that your company's stock is up today." Dogbert continues, "As CEO, you can take credit for random upturns and make millions by changing jobs." Dogbert continues, "Ha, ha! Yes, it's legal. In fact, if you write a book, your victims will buy it!"
Friday June 27,
2003
Tags record loss, press release, ceo stepped down, 100 million, tenure, shareholders, bought stock
Transcript
Dilbert is working on his computer. Wally is standing behind him. Dilbert says, "Here's the press release about our record loss." Dilbert reads, "The CEO stepped down after earning more than $100 million more than the company itself during his tenure." Dilbert continues reading, "In a message to shareholders, he said, 'Ha ha! Maybe you should have bought stock in me!! Who's your daddy?!!"
Saturday December 13,
2003
Tags feet off desk, random mangement, stock rise, so random, commands
Transcript
The Boss: "Take your feet off the desk." Dilbert: "Is this an example of random management or do you think it will make our stock rise?" The Boss: "It's up .02%. Heh-heh-heh, not so random after all."
Monday December 29,
2003
Tags ceo, move offcie, near ceo home, hug expense, eat mud and die, stock options, buy hummer
Transcript
The Boss: "Our company is relocating to be nearer to our CEO's home." "When asked about the justification for the huge expense, our CO quipped, 'HA HA HA! Eat mud and die!'" "Then he gave himself some stock options and went to buy a Hummer."
Tuesday January 27,
2004
Tags deadly safety flaw, stock plunge, massive layoffs, ruined career, dead customers, hardest
Transcript
Asok: "Wally, I discovered a deadly safety flaw in our product. Who should I inform?" Wally: "No one. The stock would plunge and we'd have massive layoffs. Your career would be ruined." Asok: "But my negligence could cause the deaths of a dozen customers." Wally: "The first dozen is always the hardest."

