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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 17, 2004's comic on:


Tags #advice for cousin, #carerradvice, #dilmon, #frustrated work environement, #scratch out meager living

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Your cousin Lauren just got her degree in English. Can you give her some career advice? "Would you enjoy scratching out a meager living in a frustrating work environment?" "I've never thought about it." "Obviously."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 29, 1999's comic on:


Tags #last bullet point, #bullet point, #admit wrong, #alice heard wrong, #boss has to admit wrong

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Alice has just presented a document to the Boss. As the Boss reads it, he tells her, "Remove that last bullet point. It's stupid." Alice gasps. Alice crosses her arms and says, "Yesterday, you told me to add that bullet point." She continues, "So either you were wrong today or you were wrong yesterday." The Boss ponders this. Alice pokes her head out of the Boss' office to tell the other workers, "Everyone come quickly! He has to admit he's wrong!" Dilbert and Asok sprint down the hall. Wally's head pops up from behind his cubicle wall, elated. Once the other employees are gathered around her, Alice cues the Boss, "Say it." The Boss responds, "Alice heard me wrong yesterday." Alice is furious as everyone continues to stand around her. Wally says, "It takes a big man to admit Alice is wrong." Asok, cupping his hands to his mouth, yells, "Can you hear us Alice?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 12, 1999's comic on:


Tags #relocatating, #better cubicle, #team of movers, #boxed possessions, #undisclosed location, #laminate company id

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Asok is packing boxes. He tells Dilbert, "I'm relocating to a better cubicle." Asok continues, "Tonight a team of movers will take my boxed possessions to an undisclosed location." Asok continues, "They're also going to laminate my company I.D." Asok continues, "I'm supposed to leave it with the guard on the way out." Asok holds up a check and says, "And I got paid two days early!" Asok continues, "It's all because management appreciated the constructive criticism I posted on the message board." Asok folds his arms proudly and says, "As I hoped, my condescending tone helped them to see their folly." Dilbert asks, "Do you mind if I rifle through your boxes and take office supplies?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 07, 1999's comic on:


Tags #newly designated, #fire warden, #bitter, #assignment, #regular job, #last one out, #safety, #fire, #panic, #flushing self, #exit door

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Wally is standing at a large pad with the word "SAFETY" on it, heading a meeting. Wally says, "I'm the newly designated fire warden for this floor." Wally continues, "You might expect me to be bitter about this assignment." ..."Granted, it tells the world I wasn't productive at my regular job." The group looks on as Wally continues, "And if the building burns, I'm expected to be the last one out." Turning over the page on the pad saying, "But my only concern is your safety. The large pad now reveals a sketch of three little stick figures running with the word "AAAGH!" above them. Wally explains, "In the event of a fire, don't be too proud to panic." The next page is a sketch of a stick figure, flying head first, into a toilet. Wally says, "If the windows won't open, try flushing yourself to safety. ..."And never, ever get between me and the exit door." The boss interrupts, "Wally..."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 07, 2005's comic on:


Tags #work, #without supervsion, #teal, #hassle, #show himself out

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The Boss: Can you work well without supervision? Candidate: "No. I need continuous supervision to keep me from stealin' and harassin'." The boss: "I think we're done here." Candidate: "Do you mind if I show myself out?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 12, 2005's comic on:


Tags #carol, #worst secretary, #fired, #involuntary termination form 904-b, #fill out form

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"Carol, you're the worst secretary ever. I have to let you go." "You can't fire me until you fill out the Involuntary Termination Form 904-B." "Can you get me one of those?" "Yeah. I'll get right on that."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 07, 2000's comic on:


Tags #presidential candiditae, #funny haired one, #social policies, #exact opposite, #tax plan, #bad plan, #make out, #like intelligent men, #she lied

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Dilbert asks Tina, "Which presidential candidates do you like?" Tina replies scratching her head, "I strongly favor the one with the funny hair. I forgot his name." Dilbert says, "His social policies are the exact opposite of your views." Tina answers, "Really?" Tina says to Dilbert, "Well, I like his tax plan." Dilbert replies, "Every credible economist thinks it's a bad plan." Tina answers, "Oh." Dilbert says, "It's a good thing we talked before you polluted the system with your vote." Dilbert then asks Tina, "Do you want to make out?" Dilbert arrives at home and explains to Dogbert, "She claimed to like intelligent men, but she lied."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 24, 2007's comic on:


Tags #alien, #bring technology, #handle oa agavel, #new guy, #order in the court, #simpletons, #snout, #working out, #health

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I came to this company to bring the technology of my advanced culture to you simpletons. "Has anyone ever told you that your snout is like the handle of a gavel?" "A what?" "How's the new guy working out?" "ORDER IN THE COURT!" BAM BAM BAM

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 02, 2007's comic on:


Tags #flipped out, #acts normal, #totally flipped, #punch her sane

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Tina: Dilbert totally flipped out when I showed him the cost estimates. Alice: "Really? Or is this one of those cases where someone acts normally and you inexplicably tell the world that they totally flipped out?" Tina: "Whoa! Don't flip out." Alice: "I wonder if I can punch her sane."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 15, 2012's comic on:


Tags #business ethics, #mergers & acquisitions, #google, #100 million, #engineers, #jump ship, #ceo, #buy out

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CEO: Google offered to buy our company for $100 million just to get our engineers. Dilbert: Huh. I wonder if I can convince the other engineers to jump ship today and share $100 million amongst us. CEO: What did he just say? Dilbert: Nothing. Just thinking out loud.