Improve Situation Comic Strips - Page 14
158 Results for Improve Situation
View 131 - 140 results for improve situation comic strips. Discover the best "Improve Situation" comics from Dilbert.com.
Share December 13, 2015's comic on:
CEO: You must learn to embrace change. Dilbert: Can we change anything we want to change? CEO: No. You don't get to say what the changes are. I do that. Alice: Will that situation ever change? CEO: No. Alice: Why not? You said change is good. CEO: Change is good. For other people. So embrace it or I'll fire you. Employees: We love change!!!
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Share January 27, 2016's comic on:
Boss: Are you a terrorist? Asok: Why does everyone keep asking me that? Boss: You look like one. Asok: Well, I'm not, you racist. Boss: Is it more of a sympathizer situation? Asok: Stop radicalizing me!
Share February 13, 2016's comic on:
Dilbert: I don't know what to do about my bad posture. Dogbert: Try yoga. Dilbert: Ooh, good idea. That will also improve my odds of meeting an attractive yoga-loving woman. Man: That was my plan too, but the full-stack guys gut here early and scared away the yoga women.
Share April 10, 2016's comic on:
Dilbert: Can I take a class to improve my communication skills? Boss: What are you talking about? Dilbert: I want to take a class that teaches me how to communicate better. Boss: I don't understand what you're asking me. Dilbert: I am asking permission to take a class to help me communicate better. Boss: I see your lips moving but I can't figure out what you're asking. Dilbert: Gaaa!!! There's no way to get there from here! Boss: I'm glad I took that management class on how to not listen. It already paid off.
Share May 08, 2016's comic on:
Boss: I can't give you a raise because your performance was only average. Dilbert: How can you calculate an average for my performance? No one has ever been in my exact situation. Boss: I compared you to other employees. Dilbert: You compared me to strangers doing entirely different things? Boss: No, I compared you to imaginary people doing your exact job. It's called managing, and I'm very good at it. Dilbert: How do you know you're good at it? Boss: Because imaginary people do this job worse than I do.
Share July 08, 2016's comic on:
Catbert: Ted went on extended disability because a fly went up his nose and laid eggs. Boss: I want to be green, but I don't know if I should side with the fly or the employee in this situation. Catbert: Well, for what it's worth, Ted doesn't have a family, but the fly does.
Share July 10, 2016's comic on:
Dilbert: I have too much work, and it's stressing me out. Boss: I've been reading about this sort of situation. Try writing don all the things that make you feel grateful. Dilbert: That would be more work! Boss: For your anger issues, try keeping a journal of all the times you lose your temper. Dilbert: That would be more work! Has anyone ever taken your advice? Boss: Do you know the guy in Marketing with the eye patch? Dilbert: He followed your advice? Boss: Half of it.
Share July 23, 2016's comic on:
Dilbert: Do you have plans for the weekend? Asok: No, I"m an introvert. I'll probably experience despair and loneliness while being jealous of people who have substance abuse problems. Dilbert: Yeah, me too. Asok: This conversation is dragging on too long.
Share August 07, 2016's comic on:
Asok: I want a job I can enjoy. Dilbert: You want to work for free? Asok: No, I just want to get paid for doing things I want to do. Dilbert: Perhaps you misunderstand the true nature of "work." The reason your employer pays you is because work is unpleasant by its very nature. If the job were fun, the company would charge you a fee for letting you do it. Boss: Asok, I need you to climb into the dumpster and find out what's making it smell so bad. Asok: At least I'm doing something useful. Boss: No, it's more of a curiosity situation.