Improved Dating Life Comic Strips - Page 14

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View 131 - 140 results for improved dating life comic strips. Discover the best "Improved Dating Life" comics from Dilbert.com.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #balancing work life, #job anger, #destablizie, #crush urges, #punch something, #will want kids

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Dilbert: I'm having trouble balancing my work life and my personal life. How do you do it? Alice: "I use job anger to destabilize my hormonal blaance and crush any competing urges." "That reminds me I need to punch something today or I'll want to have kids."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #good advice, #balance, #personal life, #zen approach, #no freinds, #no work, #perfect balance, #zen, #faster

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Dilbert: "No one has any good advice on how I can balance my work with my personal life." Wally: "You didn't ask me." "I take the Zen approach of having no friends and doing no work. Hence, perfect balance." Dilbert: "Where did you get that definition of Zen?" wally: "I used to read, but it's faster to make up stuff."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #life coach, #unmotivated, #unorganized, #dolt, #confusing

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"I'm dogbert, your life coach. I'm here because you're an unmotivated, drifting, unorganized dolt." "Life coach? I didn't ask for a life coach." "Which part of the "unmotivated, drifting, unorganized dolt" is confusing you?"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dating pretty boys, #look best, #act best, #more bread!, #knows he can't do better

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"I'm tired of dating pretty boys where I need to look and act my best all the time." "I want a guy who knows he can't do better than me, no matter what I look like." "MORE BREAD!!!"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #boss, #malfeasance, #abandoned warehouse, #beneficiary, #life insurance

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I'm afraid that my boss will try to kill me because I know about his malfeasance. "I recommend that you ask to meet him alone at an abandoned warehouse." "It was a mistake to name you the beneficiary on my life insurance policy." "Remember to insult his goons."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #specter of unpaid overtime, #guide you, #shadowy region, #neither life, #or death, #apparition, #ghost

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"I am the Specter of Unpaid Overtime." "I will guide you to the shadowy region that is neither life nor death. It is existence without meaning." "Where is this awful place?" "Right here. And if any sticky notes fall on the floor, I'll rake 'em up."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #purpose in life, #despair, #purpose is drinking coffee, #urinal

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"Wally, do you ever wonder about your purpose in life?" "My purpose is to transport huge quantities of coffee from the coffee maker to a urinal." "Suddenly I am filled with despair." "Hey, while you're up..."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #happy birthday, #50 years old, #entire life, #delusional thing, #old man, #office, #computer, #aging, #dementia, #life changes, #technology

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Dilbert: "Happy birthday. What's it feel like to be 50?" "It's great! I've never felt better in my entire life!" "So it's sort of a delusional thing?" "Yes, luckily."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #analyzed dna, #most qualified applicant, #willing to work, #has three ears, #snout, #life expectancy of thursday, #new guy

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Dogbert: I analyzed the DNA of all of your applicants to find the best fit for the job. The most qualified applicant who is willing to work for you has three ears, a snout, and a life expectancy of Thursday." The Boss: Dilbert, meet the new guy. And do it quickly." cough cough

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #actors & actresses, #ignorance (knowledge), #laziness, #opinions, #informed opinions, #hard data, #life is a lie

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Wally: I like to have opinions. But not informed opinions. It takes so much work to get informed that it defeats the whole point of having an opinion in the first place. Dilbert: What exactly do you think is the "point" of having an opinion? Wally: The point is that it feels good. Dilbert: That's totally nuts. Wally: Oh, is it? Unless you have hard data to back up that comment, it was nothing but an uninformed opinion. That felt good. Dilbert: Gaaa!!! You're starting to make sense! Wally: Your whole life is a lie.