New Contract Comic Strips - Page 14

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

1000 Results for New Contract

View 131 - 140 results for new contract comic strips. Discover the best "New Contract" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #product idea, #quit, #start business, #run new company, #cucbilces, #immoral, #people already in hell

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says to Wally, "If this company won't use our product idea let's quit and start our own business!" Wally responds, "Why quit? We can run our new company from our cubicles and get paid too." Dilbert asks, "Wouldn't that be immoral?" Wally says, "That's only an issue for people who aren't already in hell."

Top Dilbert Searches

marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #catbert hr driector, #new employees, #always quit, #reapply, #old job, #higher salary, #catnip, #rubbing body

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally sits across from Catbert's desk. Catbert says, "Wally, it might not seem fair that new employees are paid more than you . . ." Catbert continues, "But you could always quit and then reapply for your old job at a higher salary." Wally says angrily, "I just might do that!!" Catbert says, "Would you mind rubbing this catnip all over your body first?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #anti rust, #bald, #big field, #butterfly turned opera singer, #car dealer, #data compression, #dream analysts, #extended warranty, #new algorythm, #running against wind, #sealant, #serious money

View Transcript

Transcript

Someone reaches for a door labeled "Dogbert's Dream Analysis." Dogbert and a man sit at a conference table. The man says, "I was in a big field full of tofu and carburetors." Dogbert says, "It means you're a gullible moron. That's $25 please." A woman tells Dogbert, "Then I was running, running, running against the wind." Dogbert replies, "That means you're ugly." Wally tells Dogbert, "Then the butterfly turned into an opera singer." Dogbert says, "That means you're bald." Dilbert tells Dogbert, "Suddenly I saw a new algorythm for data compression." Dogbert replies, "It means you're boring." The Boss tells Dogbert, "Then I told the car dealer I wanted the anti-rust sealant, the extended warranty and the lease option." The Boss asks, "What do you think it means?" Dogbert replies, "It means I'm going to make some serious money today."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #another company benefit, #new policy forbids, #permit, #season, #use of weapons, #violence, #workplace

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss, Dilbert and Wally sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "Our new policy forbids the use of weapons or any violence in the workplace." Dilbert raises his hand and asks, "Ummm . . . What was the policy before this?" The Boss responds, "I'm not sure . . . Maybe if you had a permit and it was in season." Wally says, "There goes another company benefit."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #new company logo, #brown ring, #quality

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss, Alice, Dogbert and Dilbert sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "The Dogbert Consulting Company will help us design a new company logo." Dogbert drinks a cup of coffee. The Boss asks, "When will you start?" Dogbert turns the empty coffee mug upside down on a piece of paper and says, "I just finished. I call it the brown ring of quality."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #new logo, #sloppy, #unimaginative, #money to consultants, #little return, #too good, #opinions

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert, the Boss, Alice and Dilbert sit at a conference table. Dogbert stands on the table, holds up a piece of paper and says, "Your new logo might look like a simple coffee stain, but what does the image say about you?" Dilbert asks, "We're sloppy and unimaginative?" Alice asks, "We give lots of money to consultants and get little in return?" Dogbert looks at the logo and says, "Wow. This is almost TOO good." Dilbert raises his hand and says, "Ooh ooh! How about 'Our opinions don't matter?'"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #new objectoves, #achievable, #objectives approved, #measurable

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice hands the Boss a document and says, "Here's a draft of my new objectives. I tried to make them achievable." The Boss reads, "No matter how stupid my co-workers are, I will not punch a hole in anyone's torso, rip out a vital organ and keep it in my cubicle as a warning to others." Outside the Boss's office, Wally says to Dilbert, "I hope she gets those objectives approved." Inside the office, Alice yells, "Yes! It's measurable!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #re; ese new prodcut, #many defects, #economic impact, #projected icome, #assumptions

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert, Wally and Alice sit at a conference table. Dilbert says, "It looks like we'll release our new product on time, despite its many defects." Dilbert continues, "We've minimized the economic impact of the defects via an advanced business process called 'hoping nobody notices.'" Dilbert continues, "And we've doubled our projected income by modifying our assumptions!" Wally adds, "A lot of this job is mental."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dogbert, #career counselor, #contract employee, #rehired, #higher salary, #downsized, #dumb, #hire third time, #parable, #ant and spider, #both boring

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally sits across from Dogbert's desk and says, "I was fired once, but I came back as a contract employee. Later I was rehired at a higher salary." Wally continues, "Now I'm being downsized again. Do you think they'll be dumb enough to hire me a third time?" Dogbert says, "Your story reminds me of the parable of the ant and the spider." Wally asks, "Really? How?" Dogbert replies, "They're both boring."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #small fonts, #save disk space, #semi colons, #colons, #was fun, #new ideas, #next staff meeting

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert listens as Asok says to the Boss, "My idea is that everyone should be required to use small fonts. That way we'll save disk space." Asok continues, "And I've noticed that many people use entire colons in situations where a semicolon would do just fine." As they walk away, Asok says to Dilbert, "You're right, that was fun." Dilbert replies, "The real fun is when he describes his new ideas at the next staff meeting."