New Smoking Habit Comic Strips - Page 14
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Share December 04, 1996's comic on:
Someone behind a desk tells Ratbert, "I'm looking for a new corporate trainer to help me teach classes in stress reduction, conflict resolution, and teamwork." Ratbert yells, "I'll burn in hell before I'll do your work plus my own, you filthy weasel!!!" Dilbert asks, "And they hired you?" Ratbert replies, "A good trainer doesn't have to be a subject matter expert."
Share December 20, 1996's comic on:
Ratbert and Dilbert sit at a table. Ratbert says, ". . . Then we'll turn off the existing computer systems and fire up the new one." Dilbert asks, "What if the new system doesn't work on the first try? Won't the economic impact be devastating?" Ratbert says, "Let me check my contract . . . Nope. I get paid exactly the same." Dilbert says, "Yeah, same here."
Share December 23, 1996's comic on:
Dilbert sits at his desk and says into the telephone, "I'd like a direct flight . . . Aisle seat . . . And an upgrade to first class if possible." The airline ticket agent replies, "The best I can do is to put you in an overhead luggage bin . . . With one stop in North Korea." Dilbert asks, "Is it non-smoking?" The ticket salesperson replies, "That depends on how accurate the anti-aircraft fire is."
Share January 04, 1997's comic on:
Wally, Asok and the Boss sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "Our new corporate policy is that all employees must use the products we sell." Asok screams and shouts, "What have we done to deserve this??!!!" Asok asks Wally, "So you're saying that many of these policies are NOT intended to be punishments?" Wally replies, "You get used to it after you lose your will to live."
Share January 14, 1997's comic on:
Dilbert tells Dogbert, "I didn't read all of the shrink-wrap license agreement on my new software until after I opened it." Beads of sweat fly off Dilbert's forehead and he pulls nervously at his tie. Dilbert continues, "Apparently I agreed to spend the rest of my life as a towel boy in Bill Gates' new mansion." Dogbert replies, "Call your lawyer." Dilbert says, "Too late. He opened the software yesterday. Now he's Bill Gates' laundry boy." Dogbert says, "It must be dangerous for lawyers to iron pants. They'd always have one hand in a pocket."
Share February 15, 1997's comic on:
Carol tells Dilbert, "This is Wendy, my new secretary." Dilbert replies, "I didn't know secretaries could have secretaries." Dilbert asks, "Now will you have time to process my pay increase? It's been on your desk for three months." Carol and Wendy laugh. Dilbert thinks, "Here's another case where more is not better."
Share April 08, 1997's comic on:
Carol hands Dilbert a piece of paper and says, "Here's the new org chart. I had to rearrange the layout to make it fit." Dilbert asks, "Why is my box lower than Alice's and Wally's?" Carol replies, "It means nothing . . . Nothing at all." Dilbert asks, "Okay, who told you that every year I fish your Secretaries' Day card out of your trash and save it for next time?" Carol asks, "What?"
Share April 09, 1997's comic on:
Dilbert stands behind Wally's desk and says, "The new org chart has my name lower than yours, but it doesn't mean anything." Dilbert shows Wally the chart and says, "See? It wouldn't all fit across the page. It's just a graphical layout thing, that's all." Alice holds out her coffee mug and says, "Hey, Dil-boy, put a head on this and fetch my mail." Wally asks Dilbert, "Are you asking me to be your mentor?"
Share April 10, 1997's comic on:
Asok stands behind Dilbert's desk and says, "I notice that the new org chart has your box lower than before." Dilbert replies, "It means nothing." Asok says, "Perhaps. But your box seems smallish. And your reporting line brushes against my box." Dilbert replies, "It means nothing." Asok says, "No, I'm sure this means I'm your new boss." Dilbert thinks, "I wonder if I killed someone in a previous life."
Share April 11, 1997's comic on:
Dilbert shouts at Asok, "I don't care what it 'looks' like on the org chart! You're an intern, not my boss!" The Boss pats Asok on the back and says, "I just saw the new org chart. Congratulations on your promotion, Asok!" Asok and the Boss walk away from Dilbert's desk. Asok says, "Let's go make some strategies and pretend it's work!" The Boss whispers, "Not so loud. The L-U-S-E-R might hear." Dilbert bangs his head on the desk.