Researching Every State Comic Strips - Page 14

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473 Results for Researching Every State

View 131 - 140 results for researching every state comic strips. Discover the best "Researching Every State" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 26, 1990's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #calculated, #average, #mouthful, #percent, #salters, #necessarily, #tongue, #crackers, #Food, #salty

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Dilbert and Dogbert sit at the table eating dinner. Dilbert says, "You shouldn't salt your food before tasting it." Dogbert replies, "It's a calculated risk . . ." Dogbert explains, "The average mouthful of food is five percent of the total serving." Dogbert continues, "So timid salters eat five percent of almost every meal with too little salt . . ." Dogbert continues, "Because only one time in a thousand is food too salty to begin with." Dogbert concludes, "Therefore, over a lifetime you experience almost five percent less salt-related happiness than I do." Dilbert replies, "Not necessarily. I usually salt my tongue after the first swallow."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 30, 1990's comic on:


Tags #veterinarian, #Dogbert, #doc, #happy, #tongue, #worried, #mirthful

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Dogbert walks toward the Dog Doctor. The veterinarian says, "Hi, Dogbert. How are you?" Dogbert replies, "Not so good, Doc." Dogbert explains, "I have a bad case of 'happy tongue.'" The vet says, "Hmm . . . Is your tongue happy for any particular reason?" Dogbert replies, "No reason at all. I'm quite worried." The vet says, "I'm going to prescribe these tongue depressors. Use one every time your tongue gets too mirthful." Dogbert leaves the office humming. The doctor thinks, "I like that dog."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 10, 1991's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #women's guide to avoiding dilbert, #groups, #dissect, #Men, #boyfriend, #sentence, #ladies', #night, #tipped, #Number, #knows, #love, #romance, #ating

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The strip is titled, "Women's guide to avoiding Dilbert." The caption says, "Wear stereo headphones, look straight ahead and outrun him." Dilbert chases a jogger asking, "What's your name?" The woman ignores him. The caption says, "Comb your hair over your face to avoid accidental eye contact." Dilbert waves his hands at a woman but her hair covers her eyes. The caption says, "Travel in groups and make it clear you will dissect any man." A woman tells three other women, "I've noticed that all men have B.O. (body odor)." Dilbert thinks, "Uh-oh." The caption says, "Drive to and from secret destinations in fast cars." Dilbert watches a woman drive by in a sports car. He thinks, "I wonder where she lives?" The caption says, "Mention a boyfriend in every sentence." Dilbert says, "Nice weather." The woman replies, "My boyfriend likes weather." The caption says, "Never attend a ladies' night activity." Dilbert stands in a bar with three other men. He thinks, "No women . . . I wonder what tipped them off." The caption says, "Never give out your real phone number." Dilbert looks at a piece of paper and says, "This only has three digits." The woman says, "Everybody knows me there."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 29, 2012's comic on:


Tags #bankruptcy, #big data, #bytes of data, #cloud, #consulatants, #evil, #evil company, #greed, #money bag, #pray to money, #servers

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Boss: Consultants say three quintillion bytes of data are created every day. It comes from everywhere. It knows all. According to the book of Wikipedia, it's name is "Big Data." Big Data lives in the cloud. It knows what we do. In the past, our company did many evil things. But if we accept Big Data in our servers, we will be saved from bankruptcy. Let us pay. Alice: Is it too late to side with evil? Dilbert: Shhh! It hears you.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 09, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #home, #video, #moment, #vhs, #doctor, #incision, #squiggly, #photogenic

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A man answers his door and says, "Dilbert! Dogbert!" Dilbert says, "Thanks for inviting us over." The man stands next to a woman and says, "We thought you'd like to see our home video of little Timmy's birth." The man puts the tape in the VCR and says, "We captured every beautiful moment on VHS!" The woman asks, "Have you ever seen a Caesarean section before?" The man points at the screen and says, "The doctor is making the incision!" The man continues, "Now they're removing the squiggly thing!" The woman says, "Wait . . . This might be the wrong tape . . . I think this is your appendectomy video." Dogbert says, "Either that or little Timmy isn't very photogenic."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 12, 1996's comic on:


Tags #camping girl, #entire morning, #woe is carl, #escape tunnel

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Carl peers into Dilbert's cubicle and says, "It's time for a visit from 'Camping Carl.'" Dilbert sits at his desk and thinks, "There goes my entire morning." Carl says, "I'd like to begin with a monologue entitled 'Woe is Carl.'" Inside the cubicle, Carl continues, "I'm working every minute!" Dilbert's head comes out of a trap door in the floor outside his cubicle. Dilbert thinks, "They all laughed when I built the escape tunnel."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 17, 1996's comic on:


Tags #operating system, #dominate market, #dogbert 2000

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Dogbert sits at a table with a client and says, "If you plan to remain in the computer business you'd better bundle the 'Dogbert 2000' operating system with every unit you sell." Dogbert continues, "Otherwise, after I dominate the market you'll be last on my list to receive new products!" The man says, "You remind me of somebody . . ." Dogbert responds, "It's the glasses, isn't it?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 02, 1996's comic on:


Tags #help shipping dept, #fiscal year, #no inventory

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The Boss, Alice and Dilbert stand next to the coffee machine. The Boss says, "I need everybody to help in the shipping department today." The Boss continues, "Every product that ships before the end of the month gets counted as revenue for the fiscal year. Unfortunately, we don't have inventory." Dilbert, Alice and Wally each have an open box in front of them. The Boss continues, "So we'll ship whatever is lying around, book it as revenue and sort it out later." Wally reaches into his mouth and says, "This one's getting gum."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 09, 1996's comic on:


Tags #move project, #due date, #reach objective, #perfromance

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Wally stands in front of the Boss's desk. The Boss says, "Wally, I've decided to move your project due date up a month." Wally responds angrily, "Every time it looks like I'll reach an objective, you move it! What does this prove about my performance?" The Boss answers, "It proves I'm better at setting objectives than you are at achieving them."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 17, 1996's comic on:


Tags #agreement, #grant, #sign, #strategic omissions, #waiver, #proofread, #company, #forcing to sign, #business

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Dilbert sits on the couch with his knees bent. He hands a document to Dogbert and says, "Look at the agreement my company is forcing us to sign. They claim the rights to any idea an employee ever has." Dilbert looks at the document and says, "No problem. Just retype it with a few strategic omissions and sign it. They can't proofread every one." Dilbert asks, "Wouldn't that be dishonest?" Dogbert replies, "Maybe you could just show them some of your ideas and they'd grant a waiver."