Client: Your network product appears to be a shoe box full of twigs and leaves.
Sales engineer: Hoho! Just wist util my engineer does his magic and integrates it with your network!
Make it look like another vendor's fault.
Sales Engineer
I've successfully integrated our product with your network." "It might look as if all I did was run a Cat5 cable through a shoebox full of twigs and leaves." "Is that all you did?" "A Cat6 cable would be overkill."
CEO: We're going to stop pretending our products are always on sale and instead offer low prices all the time. The average person is smart enough to know that our so-called sales prices are our normal prices anyway. Dilbert: Have you ever talked to an average person? Boss: Tell me again why we're raising all of our prices?
Coworker: Hi, I'm Allen, from Sales. Dilbert: Dilbert. Your handshake feels like a wet sock full of macaroni and cheese. It makes me wish we never met. Coworker: Please let go of my hand. Dilbert: It's moist and squishy.
Our model XR35 is the only one that will work in your situation. The other models would be nightmares.
Dilbert: Okay, we'll take the XR35.
Ted: Opps it appears we are out of stock.
Dilbert: This is the part where your credibility comes into question.
Ted: Have you looked at ethics's XP9? I think it would be perfect.
Thanks to marketing. Sales have increased 100%!
Dilbert: Question: are you asking a room full of engineers to be excited about a big percentage increase over a trivial base?" Ted
You leave me no choice but to give you the stink eye.
Dilbert: Ow! Ow! Make it stop!"
Dilbert says, "I didn't work on your request this week because my computer is broken and my company is too cheap to replace it." Dilbert says, "I tried to borrow one, but the people I work with are a bunch of selfish tools." A man says, "Maybe I shouldn't take you on sales calls." Dilbert says, "So I built a tiny fort out of coffee stirrers."
Dilbert says, "If we migrate our enterprise applications to the web, and outsource our sales and product development?" Dilbert says, "The entire company can be managed by one monkey." Dilbert says, "Plus a second monkey to look at the powerpoint slides from the first monkey."
Doctor says, "You have a wicked case of sympathetic Powerpoint proboscis." Doctor says, "Your nose grows when anyone lies during a business presentation." Asok says, "Sorry. The sales forecast seemed optimistic."
Wally says, "I'm on my way to a meeting with a prospective customer." Wally says, "We have such a long sales gestation period that the value of my efforts won't be known for two years." Wally says, "Just remember that optimism looks exactly like doing nothing."
