2018 Comic Strips - Page 14
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Character
Friday May 11,
2018
Already Tried That Plan
Tags disagreement, argument, opposites, conflict
Transcript
Dilbert: We tried that plan already and it didn't work. Boss: Stop living in the past. Dilbert: Stop refusing to learn from experience. Boss: Wait... why do we both sound right? Dilbert; I don't know. It's freaking me out a little.
Monday May 14,
2018
Boss Comes To Work Sick
Tags sick, sickness, illness, contagious, sick days, medical
Transcript
Boss: I have to warn you-- I have a fever and I'm tripping on cold medicine. Alice: Thank you for coming to work and infecting all of us, you selfish, addle-brained plague rat. Boss: I was going for "courageous." Dilbert: Do Wally first, so I can watch him spasm.
Thursday May 17,
2018
Conditions For Wally To Be On The Team
Tags laziness, work ethic, excuses
Transcript
Wally: My boss gave me approval to join your project team under the condition I don't take on any extra work. Woman: The whole point of being on the project is to do extra work. Maybe I should talk to your boss. Wally: His other condition is that you never contact him.
Wednesday May 09,
2018
Our Api
Tags hackers, hacking, api, jargon, obliviousness, language
Transcript
Narrator: Dogbert The Reporter. Dogbert: How did hackers get access to your customer data? CEO: I'm told they used something called "our A.P.I." to suck out all the data. Dogbert: I'll just say you'er stupid. CEO: Why does everyone always say that?
Tuesday May 15,
2018
Do Not Implicate Boss
Tags sick, sickness, illness, contagious, deadline, responsibility, accountability, medical
Transcript
Dilbert: My project is two weeks late because you came to work two weeks ago and gave me the flu. Boss: Do you have any excuses that don't implicate me as the main problem? Dilbert: How about I say I didn't feel motivated and leave it otherwise vague? Boss: I can work with that.
Tuesday May 08,
2018
Press Release About Hack
Tags hacker, hacking, information, privacy, damage control, apology
Transcript
Boss: Hackers got our customer data. Write a press release saying we are sorry and it will never happen again. Tina: Is any of that true? Boss: Part of it is. Tina: Which part. Boss: Hackers got our customer data.
Saturday May 19,
2018
We Are Family
Tags business, Family, relationships, parents, leadership
Transcript
Boss: I think of all of you as family. Wally: That's dumb. Boss: You'll never amount to anything. Wally: Mommy?
Wednesday May 16,
2018
Facial Recognition Software
Tags facial recognition, stupid, insult, obliviousness, prototype, intelligence
Transcript
Dilbert: I'm designing a device that uses facial recognition to detect stupidity. I need your help creating the pattern-recognition algorithm. Boss: What do you need me to do? Dilbert: Look straight ahead and smile.
Friday May 18,
2018
Stress Balls
Tags stress, frustration, stress ball
Transcript
Catbert: I bought stress balls for everyone in the office. Dilbert: Gaaa!!! This ball is too hard to squeeze! It's stressing me out! How is this going to decrease my stress? Catbert: You're thinking of anti-stress balls.
Thursday May 10,
2018
Changing Company Name
Tags hacker, hacking, privacy, facebook, retaliation, data, breach
Transcript
Boss: Our customers are complaining because we let hackers get their personal data. So we've decided to change the name of the company and wear disguises until it all blows over. Take a mustache from the bag and pass it around.


