Advice From Dog Comic Strips - Page 14

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

365 Results for Advice From Dog

View 131 - 140 results for advice from dog comic strips. Discover the best "Advice From Dog" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cute dog, #dilbert attacks girl, #dilbert exercises, #flirt, #mean, #runs away, #tease, #the word no

View Transcript

Transcript

"Pssst" "You're probably noticing how soft and cute I am." "Awww! You're adorable! Let me give you a little pat on the head." "I couldn't. I'm too shy." "Shy? That is just so cute. I have to pet you now." "Come here, you little tease! You know you like it!" "Don't you understand the word 'no'?!" "I could do this all day long." "How about the red-head?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #phone poll, #Dogbert, #voting twice, #each call costs, #money making, #opinions

View Transcript

Transcript

"People are so stupid they should pay me to listen to their opinions." "If you disagree, you can call my phone poll at 555-Dog-BERT. Each call costs two dollars." "I'm voting twice."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cat, #not optimist, #phrased better, #rakberts head, #stomp on it, #yank off, #bob the dinosaur, #rat, #dog, #animals

View Transcript

Transcript

"Bob, I'll yank the cat off of Ratbert's head and you stomp on it!" "Yank" "Stomp" "I could have phrased that better." "I'm not an optimist anymore."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #mathematical proof god, #smartest garbageman, #transposed varaiables, #proves existence of dog, #you exist, #error, #hear something

View Transcript

Transcript

"Dogbert! Come here! I've done it!" "I created a mathematical proof of the existence of God!" "Give it to me." "This is a job for the world's smartest garbage man." "What can I do for you, Dogbert?" "Check this math." "Clever...but he transposed some variables. This proves the existence of his dog." "Now we know YOU exist and I must exist because 'I think, therefore I am'." "But since Dilbert wasn't thinking when he made his error, there's no proof that HE exists." "Hey!" "Did you just hear something, Dogbert?" "There's no way to be sure."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dogbert ethics advisor, #prodcut, #mail people, #high fees, #procedure, #ethics advice, #return stupid prodcut

View Transcript

Transcript

"Dogbert: Ethics Advisor" "We mail our product to people and tell them it's free for one year." "Then we start nailing them with high fees because they'll forget the procedure for returning the product. They're trapped." "So, did you have some ethics advice?" "No. I asked you here so I can return your stupid product."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dogberts tech support, #dog, #rat, #phone call, #customer, #question, #compensate tiny brain, #to busy, #play dead, #animals

View Transcript

Transcript

DOGBERTS TECH SUPPORT Dogbert sits at a desk and says into the phone, "Please wait while I consult with somebody who has your exact same problem." Ratbert sits in the chair next to Dogbert. Dogbert asks him, "How do you compensate for a tiny brain, Ratbert?" Ratbert answers, "I just say I'm way too busy to learn. Then I get somebody else to do my work." Dilbert says into the phone, "I'm going to transfer you to an expert." Ratbert says, "Sometimes I pretend to be dead."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #high income group, #can afford product, #rich, #tasteless, #easily amused, #located a cluster, #dog, #golf course, #animals

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert and Alice watch as Dogbert points to a diagram and says, "Your target market is the high income group. They're the only ones who can afford your product." Dogbert continues, "More specifically, they must be rich, tasteless and easily amused. I've located a cluster of them to study." Dogbert stands behind a bush on a golf course and watches two golfers. One golfer says, "That dog's watching us golf again."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #twlecommuting, #optional habits, #hygiene, #cow orkers, #fading memeory, #language skills, #expect answers, #gas mask, #tarzan like pharses

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert sits at his computer at home, dressed in a bathrobe and looking unshaven. He types, "Day two of telecommuting is going smoothly. I have eliminated all optional habits of hygiene." Dilbert continues typing, "My co-workers are a fading memory. I am losing language skills. I talk to my computer and expect answers." Dilbert types, "For reasons that are unclear, my dog wears a gas mask and shouts tarzan-like phrases." Dogbert stands behind Dilbert wearing a gas mask and yelling, "Kreegah! Bundalo!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #improve career, #ceo, #refer first name, #recent meeting, #rule, #iron fist, #funny dog

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert and Dogbert are sitting on the couch. Dogbert says, "Try this little trick to improve your career . . ." Dogbert continues, "Anytime you want something your way, simply refer to your CEO by his first name and say he gave you directions during your very recent meeting." Dogbert continues, "It's totally unverifiable. People will fear you and do as you say. You'll rule with an iron fist!" Dilbert responds, "You're a funny little dog."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #habits of highly defective people, #ignore signs, #belittle people, #newest team, #all complainers fault, #motivate me, #therapist, #controversial issues, #barney as mascot, #assembly line code, #prejudices, #crisp photo copy, #cpmics, #psychology

View Transcript

Transcript

The panel contains the title, "The Seven Habits of Highly Defective People." The caption says, "1. Ignore any signs of discomfort in others." The Boss sits across the table from a dusty skeleton and says, "But hey, I've been doing all of the talking." The caption says, "2. Use humor to belittle people in public." The Boss puts his arm around a man and tells Wally, "Our newest team member has movie star looks. Specifically, Lassie." Wally laughs. The caption says, "3. Treat all complaints as the complainer's fault." Dilbert says, "You don't motivate me." The Boss replies, "Maybe you should see a therapist." The caption says, "4. Show up late and raise controversial issues." The Boss walks into a meeting room and says, "I think we should license 'Barney' as our mascot." The caption says, "5. Give advice on things you don't understand." The Boss points to Dilbert's monitor and says, "Try writing some assembly line code here." The caption says, "6. Use compliments to show your prejudices." The Boss says to Alice, "Ooh, nice crisp photocopy, Alice. I don't think a man could have done it better!" The caption says, "7. Think the comics are not about you." The Boss reads the newspaper and says, "Hee hee! Look at the hair on that guy!"