Ask Comic Strips - Page 14
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413 Results for Ask
View 131 - 140 results for ask comic strips. Discover the best "Ask" comics from Dilbert.com.
Sunday March 02,
2003
Tags abuse, audio menu system, freezing, love problem, low level technician, same questions, too much optimism, waited in que, tech support
Transcript
Dogbert is sitting at a computer. He says into a telephone headset, "This is Dogbert's Tech Support. How may I abuse you?" The customer on the other end of the line responds, "Finally!! It took me an hour to penetrate your inscrutable audio menu system!" The customer continues, "Then I waited in queue for forty minutes!" The customer says, "My problem is that my computer keeps freezing..." Dogbert's voice interrupts him, "Not so fast." Dogbert says, "I need to know your name, address, phone number, operating system, e-mail address, serial numbers, software versions and video drivers." The customer clenches his teeth and shakes his fist as Dogbert's voice continues, "Then I'll put you in queue for the low-level technician who can only tell you to reboot." Dogbert continues, "He'll ask you the same questions for reasons that will baffle you." The customer asks, "But eventually you'll solve my problem, right?" Dogbert's voice replies, "Sure, if your problem is too much optimism."
Monday March 24,
2003
Tags no budget, project, budget, begger, laughed guts up
Transcript
The Boss says to Dilbert, "There's no budget for your project; you need to tin-cup it." Dilbert asks, "What?" The Boss says, "Be like a beggar and ask each department to give you a bit of their budget." Dilbert is sitting next to a man whose organs are coming out of his mouth. Dilbert says, "Well, now that you've laughed your guts out, do you feel better?" The man replies, "Erk!"
Saturday April 12,
2003
Tags orchestra od data, ironic spelling, geneous mistro
Transcript
Dilbert, Wally, and a coworker are meeting. The coworker holds up a sign and says, "We named the product 'Geneousmistro' because it conducts an orchestra of data." The coworker continues, "Can you believe the domain name 'Geneousmistro' wasn't already taken?" Dilbert asks, "Is the spelling meant to be ironic?" The coworker replies, "Why do you ask?"
Friday April 18,
2003
Tags at party, camera advice, engineer, physical, wally dressed as engineer, engineering
Transcript
Dilbert is talking to a woman at a party. The woman says, "You're an engineer, maybe you can tell me what kind of digital camera I should buy." Dilbert responds, "Would you ask a doctor for free advice?" The woman says, "I got a complete physical by the appetizer." Wally approaches them in a doctor's uniform and says, "Yeah, I'm never off duty."
Saturday August 16,
2003
Tags process of getting approval, hard way, meeting, no direct answers, business
Transcript
The man who couldn't give direct answers. Alice: "Did you ask your boss for approval?" Man: "Now i will explain the process for getting approval." Alice: "Do you want to do this the hard way?" Man: "First, you ask for a meeting."
Thursday August 28,
2003
Tags ask them, feeling embarrassed, money, negotiating with vendors, phd, right thing, thinking of idea
Transcript
Man: I have a PHD, so obviously you should do what I say. Instead of negotiating with vendors, lets just tell them how much money we have and ask them yo do the right thing. You're probably feeling embarrassed for not thinking of the idea yourself. Alice: Must...not...shave...PHD.
Sunday September 07,
2003
Tags blame game, back and fourth, forgotten, no time, didn't look, tattoo on chest, no time torso, read torso, stickin chest
Transcript
Man: You never responded to my urgent request for engineering resources. The Boss: "What?" Man: "I told Alice to ask you!" The Boss: "She must have forgotten." Alice: "I sent you three e-mail messages." The Boss: "You know I don't have time to read my e-mail." Alice: "And I sent you a voicemail." The Boss: "You know I don't have time for voice-mails." Alice: "That's why I also.." "Tatooed it on your stinkin' chest!!!" The Boss: "As if I have time to read my torso."
Monday November 10,
2003
Tags ted, forward to ted, email, solved problems, project, being rude, remove from project
Transcript
Dilbert: Ted is being rude and helpful. Can you ask his boss to remove him from the project? The Boss: I'll forward this to Ted. That should help. Dilbert: I wonder how people solved problems before email.
Thursday November 27,
2003
Tags protective employees, question, resoning, fox, chickens, across river, rowboat, eat chickens, livestock insurance, blame the fox, barbecue chickens
Transcript
The Boss: "I ask all prospective employees this question to test their reasoning." "You have one fox and two chickens that you need to get across a river. You can only take one at a time in the rowboat. The fox will eat the chickens if left alone." "I'd buy livestock insurance, then barbecue the chickens and blame the fox." Boss: "Can you start today?"
Saturday January 10,
2004
Tags ceo, speech, conference, secretary, corporate jet, inhale and exhale
Transcript
The boss: Our CEO is giving a speech at the conference you're attending. Ask his secretary if you can save money by riding together on the corporate jet. He doesn't want to inhale anything you've exhaled.


