Contract Employees Comic Strips - Page 14
624 Results for Contract Employees
View 131 - 140 results for contract employees comic strips. Discover the best "Contract Employees" comics from Dilbert.com.
Share January 12, 1997's comic on:
The caption says, "Buying a car." Dilbert sits across from a car salesman's desk. The salesman says, "You're one tough negotiator." Dilbert replies, "Thanks." The salesman says, "It only took you four hours to get me all the way down to the manufacturer's suggested retail price." The salesman cries, "There's no profit left!! My family will go hungry!!" The man bawls. The salesman stops crying and says, "Sorry. I assume you want the rust inhibitor coating for only $500." Dilbert replies, "Um . . .Yeah. Rust is bad." The man jumps up and shouts, "Yes!! Ka-ching ka-ching!" The salesman says, "Sorry. We also have an invisible spray that protects against scurvy and tax audits." Dilbert replies, "Well . . . Okay." The salesman says, "Initial here if you want your airbag to be full of fresh aspen air instead of gravel." Dilbert reads the contract and says, "Only $600." Back at home, Dilbert tells Dogbert, "And the lease terms are engraved on this free hood ornament!" Dogbert replies, "Be glad they didn't install it."
Share January 25, 1997's comic on:
Alice, the Boss, Wally and Dilbert sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "The results of the employee survey have been tabulated." The Boss continues, "As always, employees say they are underpaid, blah, blah, blah, and management is incompetent." Alice asks, "And your bizarre, unworldly response will be?" The Boss replies, "Everyone gets a travel alarm clock with the company logo!"
Share February 16, 1997's comic on:
Alice, Dilbert and Wally grumble as they enter a leadership seminar. The instructor asks, "What would you call a manager who motivates employees to work fourteen hours a day?" Alice answers, "A filthy sadist." Dilbert answers, "Pointy-haired imbecile." The instructor says, "Umm . . . No . . . That's not what I'm looking for." Wally says, "I think he means what do we call him to his face." Alice, Dilbert and Wally answer in unison, "Leader." The instructor says, "Right! And what do you call someone who can make unpopular decisions again and again?" Someone replies, "A filthy sadist?" Another participant says, "Wait, it might be another trick question." The instructor thinks, "I hate training engineers."
Share March 07, 1997's comic on:
Wally tells Dilbert, "Our boss has fallen under the spell of a consultant." The Boss walks by with his arms outstretched and a zombie-like look on his face. He says, "Must . . . Make assumptions." The Boss continues, "Must . . . write . . large checks to consultant . . . because . . . employees . . . are . . . morons." Wally says, "Just because we pay inexperienced strangers to tell us how to do our jobs, that doesn't mean we're morons!" Dilbert says, "Yeah! It's a coincidence."
Share March 28, 1997's comic on:
The Boss sits at his desk thinking, "Profits are down. Morale is low. What is the root problem?" The Boss thinks, "It's got to be those anti-management cartoons the employees hang on their cubicle walls!" The Boss looks at the comic strips hanging on Wally's cubicle. The Boss says, "And they aren't even funny." Wally points to a strip and says, "This one has our mission statement."
Share April 02, 1997's comic on:
The Boss, Wally, Dilbert and Alice sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "In order to reduce expenses, only the employees in essential jobs may have business cards." Wally, Dilbert and Alice think, "I'd better order some business cards to find out if I'm 'essential.'" The Boss says to his secretary, "Carol, order some new business cards for me." Carol replies, "Ooh. No can do. But you can borrow some of mine."
Share April 21, 1997's comic on:
A woman points at a chart and says, "My study shows that the companies with 'Family Friendly' policies have higher profits." Dilbert sits in the audience with Wally, Alice and other employees. He raises his hand and says, "Question: Do family policies cause high profits or do high profits simply camouflage the true costs of the policies?" The woman says, "We'll take a five-minute break so the married people can slap you for asking that." Dilbert says, "Ouch!"
Share April 30, 1997's comic on:
Dogbert sits on the couch and Dilbert sits on the floor looking at a contract. Dilbert says, "My company won't give me my stock options unless I sign this new employment agreement." Dogbert reaches for the document and says, "Here." Dogbert says, "Yada, yada, yada, yada, yada, yada, yada, yada, yada, yada." Dilbert asks, "What do you think?" Dogbert replies, "I'm not reading it. I just like to look at documents and go yada, yada, yada."
Share May 01, 1997's comic on:
Wally reads a contract and asks, "You want me to sign an agreement that I won't work for a competitor for five years if I leave here?" The Boss hands him a pen. Wally says, "No problem. Here you go." The Boss thinks, "This is too easy." Wally sits at his desk and thinks, "I haven't done any work HERE for five years, so how hard could it be?" A computer prompt asks, "New game?"
Share June 08, 1997's comic on:
The Boss stands at the front of the room and says, "I'm happy to award the 'clean cubicle award' to Matthew." The Boss continues, "It's a ten-dollar 'travelers check.' Where's Matthew?" Alice, Dilbert and Wally sit at a conference table. Dilbert says, "He was cruelly downsized last month." Alice says, "His cubicle was clean because he shredded his important documents out of spite." Wally says, "All of his furniture and equipment were scavenged by bitter employees who have to do his work now." The Boss says, "This is not having the motivational impact I had hoped for." The Boss says, "Okay . . . The 'travelers check' will go to whoever knows what number I'm thinking." The Boss sits at a table in a restaurant. He hands the check to the waitress and thinks, "They sure were sore losers."