Customer Service Comic Strips - Page 14
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319 Results for Customer Service
View 131 - 140 results for customer service comic strips. Discover the best "Customer Service" comics from Dilbert.com.
Tuesday August 27,
2002
Tags accounting irregularities, five year plan, five years ago, investigated, prophetic, 5 year assessment
Transcript
The Boss says to Wally and Dilbert, "I found or five-year plan from five years ago." The Boss continues, "The last page says, "At the end of the fifth year, the entire management team will be..." The Boss continues to read, "... investigated for accounting irregularities." Wally looks at the secret service agent who has just entered and says, "Spooky."
Saturday September 07,
2002
Tags customer satisfaction, shows improvement, focus group, attacked researchers, two pencils, premeditated
Transcript
The Boss says to Dilbert and Alice, "Our survey of customer satisfaction shows improvement." The Boss continues, "The focus group spontaneously attacked our researchers using number two pencils as shivs." Dilbert asks, "That's an improvement?" The Boss responds, "Last year the attack was premeditated."
Friday September 13,
2002
Tags set up meeting, customer, technology, humiliating, poor, fgreat food
Transcript
The Boss and Dilbert are still in barrels. The Boss says, "Set up a meeting with the customer so we can demonstrate our technology." Dilbert responds, "It's humiliating because we're so poor now. What will I feed them?" Dilbert pours cat food into bowls for the customers. He says, "If you think the food is great, wait until you see our technology!"
Saturday September 14,
2002
Tags elbonia, meeting, no limo servoce, cheapest way, brownies barrel service, business
Transcript
Dilbert is still in a barrel. The Boss says to him, "I'm sending you to Elbonia for a meeting, but we're on a tight budget." The Boss, also in a barrel, continues, "So there will be no limo service to the airport. Go there in the cheapest way possible." A bear rolls Dilbert in his barrel down the highway. The bear says, "And then I started Brownie's Barrel Service." Dilbert thinks, "He's a talker."
Sunday September 22,
2002
Tags full service broker, stick broker, brokers know stocks, earn trust, direct approach, garbage, biggest commission
Transcript
Dilbert walks into the office of a Full Service Broker. The Broker introduces himself to Dilbert, "I'm Bob Weaselton, your full-service stockbroker." Bob continues, "There are two ways we can go here." Bob continues, "Option one: I act as if brokers know which stocks are better than others." Bob continues, "Then I'll earn your trust by comparing your portfolio to misleading benchmarks." Bob continues, "But I prefer a more direct approach." Bob continues, "Option two: I sell you whatever garbage earns me the biggest commission." Dilbert comes home and says to Dogbert, "Would you do me a favor and lie to me?" Dogbert responds, "Nice haircut."
Thursday October 03,
2002
Tags win- win scenarios, customer focused, solutions, actual prodcut, sell, partner, shovel
Transcript
Dilbert is meeting with a salesman. The salesman says, "We provide win-win scenarios and customer-focused solutions." Dilbert responds, "Uh.. Okay.. But what is the actual product or service you sell?" The salesman says, "We don't sell; we partner." Dilbert responds, "I don't buy; I shovel."
Saturday November 09,
2002
Tags burned down, customer headquaters, employee screws up, performance reviews, demo unit
Transcript
Catbert is sitting on The Boss' desk. He says to The Boss, "Don't give performance reviews on time." Catbert continues, "Wait until an employee screws up something big, then pounce!" A frazzled employee with torn clothes and smoking hair says to The Boss, "...I forgot to unplug the demo unit and it burned down our customer's headquarters." The Boss asks, "Do you have a minute?"
Saturday November 30,
2002
Tags doctor is vet, military service, rubs belly
Transcript
Dilbert says to Wally, who is still in an arm sling and head cone, "This is a guess, but I think your doctor is a vet." Wally responds, "I don't know about his military service. I just know he has great cookies." Wally continues, "And I like it when he rubs my belly." Dilbert says, "I know something you don't know."
Sunday December 15,
2002
Tags new ustomer, sign it, write it, valable time, trapped in endless loop, criticized, start over, write letter yourslef
Transcript
The Boss calls after Dilbert, "Dilbert, I want you to write a letter to our new customer." Dilbert follows The Boss down the hall. The Boss continues, "I'll tell you what to say, then you'll go write it and I'll sign it." The Boss sits at his desk and continues, "This way I won't waste my valuable executive time." He pauses and then continues, "It's efficient." Dilbert responds, "Yes, that's one possible outcome." He pauses and then continues, "Here's another." Dilbert continues, "You'll keep forgetting to mention important things that should be in the letter." Dilbert continues, "I'll be trapped in an endless loop of writing, tracking you down, getting criticized and starting over." Dilbert continues, "Or you could simply write the letter yourself and save us both a huge hassle." The Boss responds, "In paragraph one, say something like 'Hi.'"
Tuesday December 24,
2002
Tags anti itch lotion, might cause itching, customer list, bear, mean dogbert, evil thinking, hates people
Transcript
Dilbert and Dogbert are walking outside. Dogbert says, "I plan to sell an anti-itch lotion that's really just honey." Dogbert continues, "I'll put a disclaimer on the bottle that says, 'Might cause itching.'" Dogbert continues, "And then I'll sell my customer list to bears." Dilbert responds, "That's not nice."


