Days Of Our Lives Comic Strips - Page 14

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

223 Results for Days Of Our Lives

View 131 - 140 results for days of our lives comic strips. Discover the best "Days Of Our Lives" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

View Transcript

Transcript

"Dilbert, this is Amber Dextrous, your new co-worker." "Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you." "She's going for the hug." "Oh heck, I'll just go with the flow and for once not be the socially awkward one." "She wasn't going for the hug. She shakes with both hands." "She's the perfect employee. She can do two things at the same time!" "Human resources surgically separated the two sides of her brain so she can multitask." Two days later "I'm sorry to report that Amber drowned while trying to talk and drink water at the same time." "Human resources would like to see you after this meeting."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

View Transcript

Transcript

"Alice, you need to use up your vacation days before the end of the year." "You told me I had to finish my project before the end of the year." "I have 19 vacation days to use and there are 19 work days left in the year." "That leaves zero days to do 19 days worth of work." "You could work on weekends and use weekdays for vacation." "Why the @#$% would I do that?!!" "Because vacations reduce your stress. Duh." "You'd think that would be obvious." "AAIEEE!!!" PUNCH!!!

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

View Transcript

Transcript

"When you're done researching new technology, I want you to inventory our furniture." "When do you think you'll be done?" "When will you forget you asked me, and assign the furniture project to someone else?" "Two weeks." "I'll be done in 15 days."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

View Transcript

Transcript

My soul-o-meter is picking up a reincarnated soul. It looks like you had several previous lives. "I'll cauterize your head so your soul stays in your dead body next time." zzzt!!! "Because I can."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #presdient, #first 100 days, #carve name, #furniture, #switzerland

View Transcript

Transcript

"If you are elected president, what will you do in the first hundred days?" "I figure it will take me at least that long to carve my name in all the furniture." "Then it would be time to wipe that smug smile off of Switzerland's face."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #project, #300 days, #complete, #finish by 5oclock, #clean desk, #fired, #lose interest

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: "I hired all of you because the project will take 300 man days to complete." "There are 300 of you, so I want you to finish by five o'clock and clean out your desks. You're all fired." "If it takes more than one meeting to manage a project, I lose interest."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #six months, #task, #simple task, #continuous cahnges, #unclear communication, #short work days, #being lazy

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: "Why did it take six months to complete this simple task?" Dilbert: "Because of your continuous changes, your unclear communication, and your short work days." The boss: "I'm looking for something more along the lines of you being lazy."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #be sick, #in advance, #not know, #scheduled, #sick days

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert: Evil director of human resources CatBert: "From now on, all sick days must be scheduled in advance." Alice: "That's ridiculous. how are we supposed to know when we're going to be sick?" "Tomorrow." Catbert: "I hired a guy who never washes his hands to help you with scheduling."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #tech support, #asks customer, #information, #transfers call, #same questions, #barrier to progress, #other guy

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: "Asok, I need you to fill in at tech support for a few days." "You'll be the guy who asks the customer for information, then transfers the call to another person who asks exactly the same questions." Asok: "Wouldn't that make me a barrier to progress?" " The Boss: Only if the other guy actually helped."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #doctors office, #doctors note, #sick, #doesn't believe, #waiting room, #ethical, #believe, #lie, #nine diseases, #medical

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I need a doctor's note for the two days of work I missed." Doctor: You look healthy to me. Dilbert: I got better. Doctor: how do I know you were sick? Dilbert: The note just needs to say I was sick. Doctor: so you want me to lie?" It's not a lie. I really was sick. Medical Doctor: If your company doesn't trust you, why should I?" Dilbert: Good point. What if I let the people in your waiting room cough on me? Then you can write a note saying I have what they have. Doctor: As long as I didn't recommend it. I think that passes ethical muster." The Boss: You have nine diseases?" Dilbert: That have names.