Human Resources Comic Strips - Page 14
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379 Results for Human Resources
View 131 - 140 results for human resources comic strips. Discover the best "Human Resources" comics from Dilbert.com.
Sunday March 06,
2005
Tags Catbert, evil director, human resources, assistant manager, simialr, slightly worse, wouldn't be threat, data base, both hideous, criminally insane, hate cats, business
Transcript
Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources "I need to hire an assistant manager." "I want someone similar to me, but slightly worse in every way." "Worse than you??" "Yes, but only slightly." "The ideal candidate wouldn't be a threat to replace me." "I'll check my database of applicants who are both hideous and criminally insane." "I said slightly worse." "Exactly. I found one." "I can pretend to read in five languages." "I hate cats."
Monday April 11,
2005
Tags trump, free stuff, resources, free samples, rich people, marketing campaign
Transcript
Dilbert: How can I create a marketing campaign if my boss doesn't give me any resources? Dogbert: "Try giving free samples to people who look like celebrities." Dilbert: "And you would be?" TRUMP: "Donald trump. Give me some free stuff."
Monday April 25,
2005
Tags evil director, expect raises, bad ratings, reflect poorly, ability to motivate, useless people, feel bad
Transcript
Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources. Catbert: "Don't rate any employees "excellent" because then they'd deserve raises." "Don't give any bad ratings either because it would reflect poorly on your ability to hire and motivate people." The boss: "How will I make the useless people feel bad if I'm rating them "good"?" Catbert: "Try using this scowl."
Friday May 06,
2005
Tags evil director, campiagn, employee happiness, forbidden fruit, no dating emplyees, date each other
Transcript
Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources AS part of my ongoing campaign against employee happiness.." "Employees are not allowed to date each other." "Now you're forbidden fruit...yummmy." "Stay back, rule-breaker."
Tuesday May 24,
2005
Tags evil director, human resources, help balancing, personal life, no love, sound sunhealthy, pill crybaby, business
Transcript
Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources. "I need help balancing my career with my personal life." "I recommend a book called "No one will ever love you." It'll crush your hope for a personal life and free up more time for work." "That sounds unhealthy." "Take a pill, crybaby."
Friday June 10,
2005
Monday June 13,
2005
Tags evil director, office efficency, celebrated, done forevre, feel special
Transcript
Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources In order to improve office efficiency, all birthdays will be celebrated on the same day." "Do you mean one clebration per year, or just once and then we're done forever?" "Just once." "Well, at least I'll feel special once. What day is the celebration?" "Yesterday."
Thursday June 16,
2005
Tags dogbert consultsincentivize the resources, grow bandwidth, end state vision, kimono, consult and blabbery, core competencies, brain dump
Transcript
Dogbert consults. Incentivize the resources to grow within their bandwidth to your end-state vision. "Don't open the Kimono until you ping the change agent for brain dump and drill down to your core competencies." "Confused look...huge invoice...this man is a victim of consult and blabbery."
Sunday August 14,
2005
Tags evil wind blowing, dark soul, evil director, human resources, employee survey, over reacted, well being, business
Transcript
"I feel an evil wind blowing my way." "My soul is filling with darkness...Suddenly I am cold, oh, so cold." Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources "Hello-o-o, Asok." "GAAA!!! What are you doing here?!!" "It's time for the annual Employee Satisfaction Survey." "Perhaps I overreacted. I don't see how this could possibly be bad." "It is evident from these questions that you care about my wellbeing!" "I love the part where they think I'm here to help." Purr Purr Two Weeks Later "They're delighted with their benefits. It looks like we can save some money there."
Saturday August 27,
2005
Tags stealth layoff, evil director, human resources, worthless employees, job no longer exists, business
Transcript
Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources "I call it a stealth layoff." "We move all of the worthless employees to the same project. When it's done, we tell them that their jobs no longer exist." "I don't like the look of this."

