Own Boats Comic Strips - Page 14

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View 131 - 140 results for own boats comic strips. Discover the best "Own Boats" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 16, 1999's comic on:


Tags #proactive, #boring meeting, #fake death, #coffee is posioned, #stiffen, #easier to drag, #pose, #obscene, #spread eagle, #casket, #dispose of body, #Wally

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Wally sits in a metting between Dilbert and Alice. Wally thinks, "I'll have to be proactive to escape this boring meeting." Wally takes a sip from his coffee and thinks, "I'll fake my own death and hope someone drags me into the hallway." Wally says, "Ack!! My coffee is poisoned!" Wally lies on the ground feet in the air. Dilbert says, "Maybe we should drag him into the hallway." Alice says, "No." Alice says, "Let's wait for him to stiffen. Then he'll be easier to drag." Ted says, "We should pose him before he stiffens." Dilbert says, "Something obscene?" Alice says, "Or spread eagle, so he won't fit in a casket." Wally lies on the grouns arms and legs wide with his coffe cup pearched on his face and thinks, "It never pays to be the proactive one."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 29, 1999's comic on:


Tags #outgrew container, #cube farming, #replant, #tall guys, #never good reason

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Caption: "Cube Farming" A very tall man stand in his cube. The cube farmer thinks, "He outgrew his container." The farmer grabs the guy by the tie and thinks, "I'll replant him in a container with a door." Dilbert and Wally look in on the tall gut now sitting in his own office. Wally says, "Why do tall guys always get picked?" Dilbert says, "I'm sure there's a good reason."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 16, 1999's comic on:


Tags #buy island nation, #sell a kit, #conquermoppress, #indigent people, #buy rhode island, #evil tyrant

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Dogbert and Dilbert sit at a table. Dogbert reads a magazine entiteled "Islands", dilbert drinks coffee. Dogbert wags his tail and says, "did you know you can but your own island nation?" Dogbert says, "They even sell a kit that helps you conquer and oppress the indigent people!" Dogbert wags his tail and says on the phone, "I'd liike to buy Rhode Island... and one "evil tyrant" conquest kit." Person on the phone says, "Would you like a flag with that?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 12, 1999's comic on:


Tags #new employees, #sophie, #engineer, #incompetent husband, #agree to relocate, #talent, #addition, #squirrel heads, #engineering

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The boss pokes his head into Dilbert's cubicle and says to Dilbert: "Dilbert, come meet the two new employees." The boss introduces Dilbert to the new employee and they both extend their hands to shake. The boss says: "This is Sophie, one of the best engineers in the business." Dilbert thinks: "the drawing of a heart" The boss points to the other new employee and says: "The other one is her imcompetent husband." The boss stands between the two new employess and says: "We had to hire him so Sophie would agree to relocate." The husband says to the boss: "Are you saying I didn't get hired for my talent." Sophie says to her husband: "You don't have any talent, honey" The husband answers: "Oh, that's right." The boss stands with his back to the husband and says to Dilbert: "Dilbert, your job is to do his job in addition to your own." Dilbert is sitting at his computer with Sophie's husband to his side. The husband says: "Do you want to see my collection of squirrel heads?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 19, 2000's comic on:


Tags #dozen bugs, #bugs in software, #fix for 20k, #defective porduct, #evil euphria, #no choice, #making fortune, #single source tsrategy

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Dilbert tells a salesman: "We found a dozen bugs in the software you sold us." The salesman answers: "We can fix these bugs for $20,000. Dilbert is shocked: "What?" Dilber says: "You can't charge us to fix you own defective product!" The salesman laughs boisterously. He explains: "Sorry...I was overcome by an evil euphoria." Dilbert says: "I guess we have to pay. We have no choice!" Reaching for his cell-phone, the salesman says: "Excuse me." The salesman speaks into his cell-phone: "Put more bugs in the software! I'm making a fortune out here!" Dilbert thinks: "I'm starting to question our single source strategy."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 28, 2000's comic on:


Tags #upgarding, #sales support, #unlock lexus, #guy down hall, #owns lexus

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Dilbert says to Ed, "I finished upgrading the sales support network." Ed responds angrily, "Is that why I can't unlock my Lexus?!!" Dilbert replies, "You don't own a Lexus. You only look like a guy down the hall who owns one." Ed answers, "I hate that guy."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 08, 2000's comic on:


Tags #internet start up, #business plan, #vc and b and b

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Sitting at his desk, the Boss thinks to himself, "I should create my own little internet start-up." The Boss continues thinking, "All I need is a business plan." As the Boss approaches Carol's desk, Carol replies "The V.C. are sick of B to B." The Boss thinks to himself, "The Vietcong are sick of breakfast in bed?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 30, 2000's comic on:


Tags #tom peters advice, #become own brand, #get me some

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Wally says to Alice while pouring himself a cup of coffee, "I'm going to follow Tom Peters' advice and become my own brand." Alice replies, "The phrase you're least likely to hear is, 'I gotta get me some of that." Wally walks away thinking, "Day one: Not so good."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 17, 2000's comic on:


Tags #business manager, #for celebrities, #have locks, #life story, #sign here, #film on thursday, #someone steal your fortune, #the biography channel

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Dogbert approaches Dilbert and says, "I decided to become a business manager for celebrities." Dilbert asks Dogbert, "Why?" Dogbert replies, "Because banks have locks." A celebrity enters Dogbert's office. Dogbert says to the celebrity, "Everything you own has been put in my name...for...um...tax purposes." The celebrity replies, "You're such a good friend. How can I ever repay you?" Dogbert responds, "You can sign this. It gives me the rights to your life story." The celebrity signs the document. Dogbert says to him, "In the unlikely event that someone steals your fortune and you become a pathetic drug addict..." Dogbert continues, "...I can sell your story to the 'biography' channel." Dogbert says to the celebrity, "They start filming on Thursday."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 05, 2000's comic on:


Tags #an olympic gold medal, #apply own job, #emailed jokes, #fired, #posthumous medal, #reclassification of job, #requires phd, #synchronized swimming 1992, #top ten signs

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Ted asks, "Am I fired?" The Boss, sitting at his desk, answers, "Of course not, Ted. I enjoy e-mailed jokes as much as anyone." Ted smiles as The Boss says, "I'm still laughing about your 'Top Ten Signs That Your Boss Is a Hairless Rodent'." The Boss says, "I asked you here to discuss the reclassification of your job." The Boss says, "Starting today, the job requires a Ph.D. Feel free to apply for your own job." Ted says, "Whew! Luckily, I have a Ph.D." The Boss says, "You do? Well, the job also requires an Olympic Gold Medal." Holding up the medal around his neck, Ted says, "Synchronized Swimming, 1992." The Boss says, "And a posthumous Congressional Medal of Honor."