Profitable Products Comic Strips - Page 14

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147 Results for Profitable Products

View 131 - 140 results for profitable products comic strips. Discover the best "Profitable Products" comics from Dilbert.com.

Dogbert The Product Designer

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Dogbert The Product Designer - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #design, #form, #function, #product design, #product designer, #selfishness, #portfolio

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Dogbert the Product Designer. Dogbert: You might think my job is to make products that are easy to use. But that wouldn't help me, so instead I design stuff that looks good in my portfolio but is impossible to use. Dilbert: This looks great, but no one will be able to see black buttons on a black case. Dogbert: Not my problem.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #illusion, #strategy, #business, #executives, #bluff, #bluffing

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CEO: Revenue is dropping, but don't panic. We have a new strategy that will fix everything. Dilbert: How do you know it's a good strategy. CEO: I can tell by looking at it. Dilbert: Why don't all failing companies create great new strategies and become profitable? CEO: Hmmm. Good question. Dilbert: Maybe it's because no one can tell a good strategy from a bad one, but acting like you know the difference gets you a bigger paycheck. CEO: I just need buy-in for the strategy. Wally: If you give me a raise, I can pretend to know it's good.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #logic, #reasoning, #managing, #managers, #leadership, #quality, #absurd

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Dilbert: You assigned a pack of idiots to my project team. Boss: We can't afford to hire good people. Dilbert: How am I supposed to create world-class products with a team of disruptive idiots? Boss: Try working extra hard. Dilbert: You want us to be more energetic about our bad decisions? Boss: You also have to put in the hours. Dilbert: Are you saying bad decisions, plus long hours, plus lots of enthusiasm, produces great engineering? Boss: Not if you stand around yacking about it all day.

Government Wants Access To Data

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Government Wants Access To Data - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #national security, #privacy, #technology, #big business, #terrorism

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CEO: The government wants us to make software that can unlock the encrypted data of our users. Either we choose privacy or national security. Should we betray our customers or should we enable terrorists? Figure out which one is more profitable and get back to me. Boss: On it.

Bought His Last Company

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Bought His Last Company - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #comparison, #comparing, #merger, #acquisition, #liquidation, #layoff, #redundancy, #big business, #competition, #darwin

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Man: That's now how we did it at my prior company. Boss: We bought your old company, fired all of the employees, and discontinued all of its products. Man: How is that possible? Boss: It's called "survival of the fittest." It's just science.

Elbonian Cabbage Juggling

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Elbonian Cabbage Juggling - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #offense, #offensive, #racist, #racism

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Dilbert: Here's my first cut at a sales video for our Elbonian market segment. Video: If you enjoy juggling cabbages while overdrinking, you'll love our products! Boss: This sounds kind of racist. Dilbert: Inebriated cabbage-juggling is their national sport.

Dilbert Consults His Bumper Stickers

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Dilbert Consults His Bumper Stickers - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #ceo, #Dilbert, #government regulations, #marketing, #question authority

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CEO: Government regulations prevent us from marketing our products the way we want. What should we do? Dilbert: I'll consult my bundle of bumper stickers for some guidance. "Question authority." CEO: How did you get so smart?

Use Company Products

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Use Company Products - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #the boss, #Wally, #asok, #alice, #attention, #products, #required, #use, #bad, #sign

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The Boss: It has come to my attention that none of you use the products we make. From now on you are all required to use our products. Asok: Aaaarg!!! Dilbert: Shoot me. The Boss: That's a bad sign. Wally: Nooo!!!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #argument, #boss, #business, #change, #frustration, #managers & supervisors, #money, #salary, #company

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Boss: I can't give you a raise because you didn't accomplish anything this year. Dilbert: Are you insane? I completely redesigned our line of products!!! Boss: That was mostly last year. Dilbert: You didn't give me a raise last year because I wasn't finished until January of this year. Now you aren't giving me a raise this year because I did most of the work last year. Give me one reason I shouldn't quit right now! Boss: Because every other company is just as bad. And you don't like change. Dilbert: I said one reason!

Dilbert Quits To Get A Raise

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Dilbert Quits To Get A Raise - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #Wally, #boss, #conscience, #rethink, #quit, #raise, #going along, #don't, #ruin

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Dilbert: I can't in good conscience support inaccurate health claims about our products. I quit. Boss: I'll give you 20% raise if you stay. Wally: I quit too, because of all the ethnics and stuffs. Dilbert: Don't ruin this for me.