Put On Head Happy Comic Strips - Page 14
1000 Results for Put On Head Happy
View 131 - 140 results for put on head happy comic strips. Discover the best "Put On Head Happy" comics from Dilbert.com.
Dogbert asks, "Who can show me how to get the water out of this boot?" Dogbert hands the boot to a woman and says, "If you have trouble, the directions are written on the heel." As the woman puts her head into the boot, Dogbert says, "I'm sorry, Betty. I can only give you partial credit for trying to absorb the liquid with your hair."
Dilbert sits at his desk. The Boss enters and says, "Dilbert, do you have a minute?" The Boss continues, "The company is doing an survey of employee attitudes about their bosses." The Boss continues, "It's totally anonymous, so you don't have to fear any retribution." The Boss opens an envelope and says, "Oops! It looks like your questionnaire is a bit dog-eared." The Boss continues, "I'll put my phone number on the confidential envelope in case you need me." The Boss hands Dilbert a pen and says, "You can use this green marker pen." The Boss adds, "Oh, and I took the liberty of checking off your ethnic background as Eskimo. It's just a statistical thing." Dilbert reads, "1. Does your boss clearly communicate your objectives?"
Dilbert and the financial advisor sit at the table. The advisor says as Dilbert reads a brochure, "That's our new 'Strategic Diversification Fund.'" The man continues, "Our lawyers put your money in little bags, then we have trained dogs bury them around town." Dilbert asks, "Do they bury the bags or the lawyers?" The advisor replies, "We've tried it both ways."
Dilbert sits in his chair and Dogbert sits on the hassock. Dilbert's head is bandaged and his arm is in a sling. Dilbert says, "I've had nothing but tragedy since making a fortune in the stock market." Dilbert continues, "Sometimes, Dogbert, it seems like our lives have preset balances of joy and pain; when one gets too high the other kicks in to compensate." Dilbert continues, "But through it all, I always have you, my friend." Dogbert replies, "At least until my good luck kicks in."
Dilbert and Dogbert walk outdoors. Dilbert says, "I thought I was happy . . ." Dilbert continues, "Then I thought what if I only THINK I'm happy but I'm not. Maybe I've been hypnotized and don't even know it." Dilbert continues, "Worrying about it made me unhappy, which means I must NOT be under hypnosis, so I'm happy." Dogbert replies, "Maybe I only THINK you're talking but really I'm happy."
Dogbert and Ratbert stand outdoors. Dogbert shows Ratbert a can of peanut butter and says, "It's a miracle, Ratbert. The image of Saint Ted appeared in my jar of peanut butter!" Ratbert asks, "Saint Ted? Who ever heard of Saint Ted? Couldn't you get Saint Theresa?" Dogbert replies, "She was booked to a can of varnish in Upstate New York." Ratbert says, "Saint Ted looks like a 'happy face.'"
Dilbert, Ted and a woman sit at a conference table. Ted says, "Thank you all for coming. There's no specific agenda for this meeting . . ." Ted continues, "As usual, we'll just make unrelated emotional statements about things which bother us. I'll kick it off . . ." Ted throws his head back and yells, "There's never time to get any work done around here!!"
Dilbert sits at his desk. He hears, "Ha ha! Now spin on your head! Ha ha ha!" Dilbert walks into the room and sees an Elbonian standing on his head. He asks Dogbert, "What's going on here?" Dogbert replies, "This is Yergi. He's visiting from Elbonia." Dogbert explains, "The economy in Elbonia is so bad he only earns three dollars a month as a doctor." Dogbert continues, "It takes a year to earn enough for a pair of shoes . . . It takes TWO years for a pound of meat." Dogbert continues, "Philanthropist that I am, I offered to give him an old boot if he would act like my trained monkey for a week." Dilbert scolds, "Dogbert! I can't believe you would buy this man's dignity for an old boot!" Yergi says, "I plan to tell the kids it's a pound of meat." Dogbert says, "Quiet, Bobo."
Dilbert sits at the desk and Dogbert sits next to him. Dilbert says, "There . . . I think I've invented a way to send vast amounts of data without fiber optic cables." Dilbert continues, "It's a simple application of J. S. Bell's theorem. He showed that if you break up a molecule and change the spin of one electron, the spin of the other electrons originally joined will immediately change too, no matter where they are." Dilbert asks, "What do you think the fiber optic industry will give me for this." Dogbert replies, "A horse's head in your bed."
Dogbert sits across from a man behind a desk. Dogbert says, "I heard you're looking for a hit man to eliminate an inventor named Dilbert." Dogbert continues, "For a million dollars I can deliver his head on a platter." The man asks, "Does it have to be on a platter?" Dogbert replies, "I've tried using those Tupperware lettuce crispers, but it loses a lot of the drama."