Tech Support Comic Strips - Page 14
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262 Results for Tech Support
View 131 - 140 results for tech support comic strips. Discover the best "Tech Support" comics from Dilbert.com.
Wednesday June 11,
2003
Tags stay home husband, support career, chocolate, hot and cold, bobby, didn't hear
Transcript
Alice says to the man in the apron, "Bobby, I'm looking for a stay-at-home husband to support my career." Bobby responds, "I'm sorry - I was thinking about chocloate, and I didn't hear a word you just said." Bobby walks away and says, "Br-r-r-r, I'm cold. Now I'm hot. Now I'm cold!" Alice thinks, "This will take some work."
Sunday July 20,
2003
Tags functions to outsorce, dont do well, management, sales, quality control, core competenece, brown table startegy, business
Transcript
Dilbert points to a slide and says, "As requested, I put together a list of functions we should outsource." Dilbert continues, "I limited my list to things we don't do well." The Boss and Wally listen as Dilbert's voice continues, "Marketing, quality control, engineering, finance, human resources, and customer support." Dilbert says, "That leaves us with our core competence..." Dilbert continues, "... Sitting around a brown table." Dilbert says, "And, of course, our ability to speak honestly without fear of retribution." The Boss says, "You will never get another raise as long as I'm alive." Dilbert responds, "Well, that puts a lot of pressure on the brown table strategy."
Sunday August 17,
2003
Tags netwrok security, buggy, complicated, user guide, pure evil, tech support dept, chimp with typewriter, strategy, victims, hair quiver, consultants, paid by hour
Transcript
Dogbert Consults. DOgbert: "Your network-security product is buggy and complicated." "Your used guide is an inspired work of pure evil." "And your tech-support department is an inebriated chimpanzee with a typewriter." "One strategy would be to fix all of those problems." The Boss: "What's the other strategy?" Dogbert: "Sell consulting services to your victims... I mean customers!" The Boss: "I'm so happy, it's making my hair quiver!" "But what do we do when our consultants can't make our products work either?" Dogbert: "They're paid by the hour." The Boss: "QUIVER!!"
Tuesday September 02,
2003
Tags tech solution, simple, cost fortune, internal approvals, vast herds, management dolts
Transcript
Dilbert: "The technical solution is simple and inexpensive." "But it would cost a fortune to get internal approvals because vast herds of management dolts would get involved." "So I should just do it, right?" The Boss: "Did you just call me a vast herd?"
Monday January 26,
2004
Tags illusions of progress, companys name, hi tech sounding, onomatopeoia, duhflushtech, lack of awareness
Transcript
Dogbert: "You need to change the company's name to create the illusion of progress." "The name should be hi-tech sounding with a hint of onomatopoeia that signals your total lack of awareness." "Maybe something like 'Duhflushtech, inc.'" "I like it!"
Thursday March 18,
2004
Tags trolls, hell, payroll system, automated sadistic, phone system, tech support, complicated
Transcript
Asok: Are you the troll that handles our payroll system? I have a problem. Troll: problems are handled by our automated sadistic phone system. ASOK: For tech support, press the exact value of 22 divided by 7
Friday March 19,
2004
Tags gerbil, marketing team, cables, engineering support
Transcript
Ted: I moved the meeting to Tuesday. Dilbert: "I can't make it on Tuesday." " Ted: Somehow I think the marketing team can survive one meeting without engineering support." Marketing team: "We'll include a pet gerbil in every box. We'll just need to make sure it's in a sealed plastic bag so it won't chew on the cables."
Sunday May 23,
2004
Tags performance review, meetings, too negative, poo posed ideas, cold fusion, perpetual motion, clothes dryer, antigravity pants, mri vending machine, terrible ideas, negative attitude, tongue scraper
Transcript
"Performance review" "People say you're too negative in meetings." "Negative? When?" "According to the marketing department, you poo-pooed a number of their ideas..." "...The cold fusion scooter, perpetual motion clothes dryer, antigravity pants, MRI vending machine, and the list goes on." "Those are terrible ideas!" "Negative attitude!!! Gottcha!!!" "Okay, you're right. From now on, I will support all terrible ideas." "Good." "It's a tongue scraper and a frozen flagpole!" "Can it be electrified?"
Saturday July 31,
2004
Tags tech support, another company, determine cause
Transcript
"This is Dogbert's tech support. Your problem is caused by another company's product or services." "Shouldnt I tell you my problem before you determine the cause?" "Okay, let's pretend that will change my answer."
Monday November 01,
2004
Tags sexy project, boost career, sound good better job, nano tech nology, fighting terrorists
Transcript
The Boss: I need to be managing a sexier project to boost my career. \it only has to sound good and not fail until I geta better job. How about a nanotechnology set cell for fighting terrorists? Dilbert: O-O-OKay.


