Computer Programmers Comic Strips - Page 14

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646 Results for Computer Programmers

View 131 - 140 results for computer programmers comic strips. Discover the best "Computer Programmers" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags director of green, turn off computer, stupid

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Director of Green Andy says, "Turn off your computer while you're thinking." Dilbert says, "That's stupid." Andy says, "if it weren't stupid, you wouldn't need me to tell you to do it."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags worked around clock, ten programmers, establish new baseline, tragic death march, stretch golas, stupid

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Asok says, "I worked around the clock and finished a project that would normally require ten programmers." Asok says, "Um... did I just establish a new baseline expectation that will turn my job into a tragic death march?" The Boss says, "It's time to set some stretch goals." Asok says, "STUPID! STUPID! STUPID!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags security software, insisting, critical updates, critical upadtes, no win

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Wally says, "My security software kept insisting that I download critical updates." Wally says, "I didn't have time to do all that, and I couldn't risk using my computer without critical updates. It was a no-win situation." The Boss says, "Did you accomplish anything this week?" Wally says, "What part of 'no-win' is confusing you?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags monitor actions, cameras, strapped to head, non work related, attach sensors, track thoughts, engineers, lab assistant

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Catbert says, "We monitor all of your actions, but we suspect you are still doing non-work-related thinking." Catbert says, "My lab assistant Trixie will attach sensors to your head and track all of your thoughts." The computer screen says, "Mmm... Trixie, wear this while you wash my electric car." Trixie thinks, "Engineers."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags request, broken computer, borrow one, selfish tools, coffee stirres

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Dilbert says, "I didn't work on your request this week because my computer is broken and my company is too cheap to replace it." Dilbert says, "I tried to borrow one, but the people I work with are a bunch of selfish tools." A man says, "Maybe I shouldn't take you on sales calls." Dilbert says, "So I built a tiny fort out of coffee stirrers."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags lap top, needs, budget

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Dilbert says, "Maybe I could use your laptop until we have the budget to get me a computer that works." The Boss says, "I might need my laptop." Dilbert says, "I already need it." The Boss says, "I need you to stop needing it." Dilbert says, "Well played."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags churn butter, needs, next budget cycle, not in budget, broken computer

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Dilbert says, "My computer is broken. I need a new one." The Boss says, "We don't have the budget." The Boss says, "Do things that don't require a computer until the next budget cycle." Dilbert says, "Like churning my own butter?" The Boss says, "You make it sound creepy."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags not attracted, long enough, fix things, tech support, use abilities, no action

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Tina: I'm not attracted to you, but I'd like to date you for one month. That should be long enough to resolve any tech support issues on my home computer, cell phone and home theater." Dilbert: Would there be any kissing? Tina: What kind of girl do you think I am?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags file emailed, viewer application, upgrade, operating system, new one, corrupted files

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"Wally, I can't open that file you e-mailed." "Sounds like you need to upgrade your viewer application." "Which means you'll probably have to upgrade your operating system." "You'd better add some ram while you're at it." "But it probably makes no sense to upgrade your old computer. This is a good time to get a new one." "How do I get a new computer?" "It's easy. I'll send you a file that explains it." "Are you sending corrupted files to people again?" "Only if I think they deserve it."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags anger, emailed payroll, pay discrepncy, punches screen, quiet, secret, smashes computer, report

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The Boss: Carol, I e-mailed you the department payroll report to reformat. Don't let anyone see it because they might... BAM! Exactly. They might do that.