Employee Comic Strips - Page 14
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Character
515 Results for Employee
View 131 - 140 results for employee comic strips. Discover the best "Employee" comics from Dilbert.com.
Monday September 29,
2014
Tags incompetence, work culture, cultural fit, cultural incompetence, joking, new employee, introductions
Transcript
Boss: Dilbert, meet Larry. He isn't terribly competent, but he's a good cultural fit. Dilbert: Hi, Larry. Thanks for reinforcing our culture of incompetence. Larry: You're joking about the incompetence, right. Boss: Sure.
Sunday September 28,
2014
Tags bird poop, cars, incentives, mass transit, punishment, worst employee of the month, special parking spot, big tree, every bird, firemans axe, wallow in shame, incentives dont work
Transcript
Boss: You've been named worst employee of the month. The honor comes with a special parking spot. It's under the big tree that every bird in the county uses as a restroom. By the end of the day, you'll need a fireman's axe just to find the door handle. As you chop your way toward the inner core that is your car, think about how you could have worked harder this month. You'll probably draw a crowd in the parking lot so remember to wallow in your shame. Wally: I take mass transit to work. Boss: Incentives don't work.
Monday September 15,
2014
Tags employees, managers & supervisors, power (social sciences), boss, emplyee, team members, decisions, all equal, saprtacus, business
Transcript
Boss: I dislike the words "boss" and "employee." From now on, we are all "team members." I'll be the team member that makes the decisions and gets paid the most. You'll be the team members I punish when things go wrong. Dilbert: But otherwise we are all equal? Boss: Whoa! Calm down, Spartacus.
Thursday September 04,
2014
Tags apathy, complaining, dump, speak mind, coffe mug, demand id, Opinion, victory lap
Transcript
Exit Interview Employee: Heh-heh. I am going to speak my mind and dump on everyone. Boss: Give me our I.D. and get out. If anyone wanted your opinion I would have paid you enough to stay. Employee: So much for my victory lap. Boss: You forgot your mug!
Friday August 22,
2014
Tags employee fringe benefits, google, free bus service, telecommuniting
Transcript
Boss: I hired a guy who worked at Google because he said he was driven. Dilbert: Because they have free bus service? Has he shown up for work yet? Boss: I thought he was telecommuting.
Thursday August 21,
2014
Tags employee fringe benefits, google, free food, bus service, massages, smart, ambitious people, earplugs
Transcript
Ratbert: When I die, I hope to go to Google. I would spend eternity with free food, bus service, and massages. Dogbert: And you would always be around smart, ambitious people. Ratbert: That's okay. I'll bring earplugs.
Wednesday August 13,
2014
Tags happiness, optimism, rested, feeling, never happened, flow, dance, sing, light, work, office, employee, psychology
Transcript
Dilbert: Happy, happy, happy. Dilbert: I'm enjoying a bubble of optimism because I'm feeling rested and no one has been awful to me all day! Wally: How long does it usually last? Dilbert: I don't know. It's never happened before!
Wednesday June 25,
2014
Tags celestial bodies, managers & supervisors, black hole, management style, dangerous, importnat emails, employee named ted, business
Transcript
Catbert: Your management style has caused a black hole to form. Boss: Is it dangerous? Catbert: No to us. It only absorbs important emails from employees. And en employee named Ted, apparently.
Monday June 09,
2014
Tags deception, work ethic, huge losses, stock up, big raise, similar system, lowering expectations, employee of the year, job perfromance
Transcript
Wally: We announced huge losses, but analysts thought it would be even worse, so our stock went up. I'm using a similar system to get a big raise. For years I've been lowering everyone's expectations of my performance. Next I'll... I made a phone call today. Boss: Employee of the year!
Monday June 02,
2014
Tags hypocrisy, managers & supervisors, wages, world records set, best employee, job performance, no raise, drug enhancing drugs, injected against will, leadership, business, money
Transcript
Boss: You've set several world records for best employee job performance. But I can't give you a raise because you used job performance enhancing drugs. Dilbert: You injected me against my will. Boss: It would be leadership if you wanted to do it.

