Flushing Self Comic Strips - Page 14

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

159 Results for Flushing Self

View 131 - 140 results for flushing self comic strips. Discover the best "Flushing Self" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dogbert, #hit man for mob, #get away with murder, #cute, #self complimentary, #conversation

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: "Have you ever noticed how incredibly cute I am?" "Look at this little black nose, soft furry ears, adorable little tail...with these looks I could get away with murder." "I'm thinking of becoming a hit man for the mob." Dilbert: "I'm glad we have these little talks."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #computer, #books, #reading

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert sits at his desk. Dogbert enters the room. Dogbert shouts, "You fool! You are nothing compared to me! Ha ha ha ha ha!!" Dilbert asks, "Have you been speed-reading my self-help books again?" Dogbert replies, "The idiots should put warning labels on those things."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dogbert, #salary, #employee, #office

View Transcript

Transcript

An employee stands in front of Dogbert's desk and says, ". . . Our pay is too low, and there's no clear leadership. And we want parking spaces." Dogbert presses a level and the man falls through a trap door in the floor. There is a flushing noise. Dogbert thinks, "All things considered, I think I enjoy them more when they're disgruntled."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dogbert, #executive man, #business meeting, #assistants

View Transcript

Transcript

An executive says, "The motion is approved. Dogbert is our new company president because he has the best hair." Dogbert says to a man who follows him taking notes, ". . . Bulldoze the employee cafeteria and put in my helicopter pad . . . And I need a few office improvements . . ." Dogbert points to the floor in front of his desk and says to the assistant, "We need a trap door here, but it won't be funny unless you can give me some 'flushing' sounds."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #trial, #judge, #Dogbert, #jury, #Men, #Women, #civil suit

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert says to the members of the jury, "Before you decide who wins this civil suit, remember this . . ." Dogbert continues, "I can't legally offer you large cash kick-backs for deciding in my favor. But please take a moment to complete a self-addressed stamped envelope." The judge asks, "What are you doing?" Dogbert replies, "I'm trying to establish 'reasonable doubt.'"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #dating, #intimidation

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert bends over tying his shoelace. He tells Dogbert, "Maybe I'm unlucky in love because I'm so knowledgeable about science that I intimidate people." Dilbert continues, "Their intimiidation becomes low self-esteem, then they reject me to protect their egos." Dogbert says, "Occam's razor." They walk through the park. Dilbert asks, "What is 'Occam's razor'?" Dogbert answers, "A guy named Occam had a rule about the world." Dogbert continues, "Basically, he said that when there are multiple explanations for something, the simplest explanation is usually correct." They sit down on some rocks. Dogbert continues, "The simplest explanation for your poor love life is that you're immensely unattractive." Dilbert says, "Maybe Occam had another rule that specifically exempted this situation, but his house burned down with all his notes. Then he forgot." Dogbert says, "Occam's razor." Dilbert asks, "I'm an idiot?" Dogbert replies, "I don't think we can rule it out at this point."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #alice, #artificial, #band, #creatures, #Dogbert, #dominant, #dominants, #engineers, #envelopes, #females, #gray, #groom, #mist, #native, #note, #the boss, #vegetation

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert's journal entry says, "A small band of the creatures were known to live high in an artificial structure." The panel shows an office building. Dogbert's journal says, "On my way to study them I took note of the native vegetation." Dogbert stands in an office wearing a backpack. He feels a potted plant and thinks, "Rented." His journal says, "The younger males were at play. They became self-conscious when watched." Dogbert watches a man playing computer games. Dogbert's journal says, "The dominant male had a gray back. He controlled the others by waving little envelopes." The Boss waves paychecks at the employees and they bow to him. Dogbert's journal says, "There were few females in the group. The less dominant males had no chance of mating." Dilbert and Wally watch a woman walk past them. Dogbert's journal syas, "Unlike other species they head no instinct for grooming." A man asks, "Want to groom?" Wally replies, "Drop dead." The journal says, "My time was up, but I will miss them, those . . ." Dogbert walks toward the elevator. The journal concludes, "Engineers in the mist." Wally asks Dilbert, "How long are you supposed to microwave popcorn?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #free, #therapy, #therapists, #psychology, #students, #self esteem, #ugly, #beer, #handsome, #mother, #overpriced, #unhappy

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert sees a sign that says, "Free therapy." Dilbert asks a woman at a desk, "Why is it free?" The woman replies, "Our therapists are first year psychology students." Dilbert says, "What have I got to lose?" Dilbert lies on a couch and says, "Sometimes I have low self-esteem . . ." A student sits in a chair taking notes. The man says, "Your problem is that you're ugly. You should drink beer until you feel handsome." Dilbert says, "I thought you would say something about my mother." The man replies, "Good point. Your mother should drink beer too. She's probably as ugly as you." Dilbert walks by the reception desk and says, "You're over-priced." The woman replies, "Ooh, 'Mister Low Self-Esteem' is unhappy."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #self-centered, #jerks, #woman, #dating, #date, #different, #considerate, #ugly

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert and a woman sit at a table in a restaurant. The woman says, "Most handsome men are self-centered jerks." The woman continues, "But you're different . . . You're . . ." Dilbert asks, "Considerate?" The woman replies, "Ugly."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #reccommend, #switch, #technology, #questions, #career, #graph, #anticipated, #declining, #sense, #self-worth, #progresses, #answering, #presentation, #prepared

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert stands in front of an overhead projector. He says, ". . . Therefore, I recommend that we switch to the new technology . . . Any questions?" A man sitting at the conference table asks, "Dilbert, are you willing to bet your career on this?" Dilbert replies, "Yes, I would definitely bet my career." Dilbert continues, "You would too if you had MY career." Dilbert places a transparency on the projector and says, "I have a view graph which anticipated your question." Dilbert points to the diagram and says, "This chart tracks my declining sense of self-worth as my career progresses." Dilbert continues, "At the low-point, here, I'm reduced to answering imbecilic questions while pointing a little stick at the wall." Dilbert arrives at home and Dogbert asks, "How did the presentation go?" Dilbert replies, "There's such a thing as being too prepared."