Give Two Cents Worth Comic Strips - Page 14

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1000 Results for Give Two Cents Worth

View 131 - 140 results for give two cents worth comic strips. Discover the best "Give Two Cents Worth" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 21, 2016's comic on:


Tags #quality, #work ethic, #deadlines, #expectations, #speed, #trade off

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Boss: When will you have that done? Dilbert: Two weeks. Boss: Can you do it faster? Dilbert: Yes. All I need to do is lower the quality. Dilbert: Tell me what your minimum acceptable quality level is and I'll tell you when you can have it. Boss: I want it in one week. Dilbert: I can do that at 50 percent of planned quality. Boss: Why does it feel as if I'm not really managing anything here? Dilbert: Maybe you could go manage someone else now. Boss: I can't tell if I'm doing my job now. Dilbert: Is it your job to prevent me from working?

Carol Leaves Kids

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Carol Leaves Kids - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 20, 2016's comic on:


Tags #babysitter, #children, #supervision, #date night, #parents, #Family

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Carol: Dilbert should be here soon to fill in for the babysitter. Your dad and I need to leave now. Just let him in. We turned off our phones, so don't try to reach us on our date night. Narrator: Two hours later. Boy: I don't think he's coming. Girl: I say we Airbnb this place.

Catbert Will Not Help Children

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Catbert Will Not Help Children - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 19, 2016's comic on:


Tags #reasoning, #judgment, #company policy, #rules, #regulations, #rigid, #stringent, #inflexible

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Dilbert: Can you give me Carol's home address? I agreed to watch her kids and she turned off her phone for her date night. Catbert: It is against company policy for me to use my good judgment to save children. Dilbert: Are you sure it says that? Catbert: Yes. I wrote it myself.

Ted's Unicorn Startup

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Ted's Unicorn Startup - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 19, 2016's comic on:


Tags #success, #failure, #gloating, #start-up

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Dilbert: Too bad your overhauled unicorn start-up failed, Ted. Last week you were a billionaire, and today you're doing a two-hour commute to work in a box. Ted: What can I do to make this stop? Dilbert: Earn a billion dollars.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 17, 2016's comic on:


Tags #sexism, #sexist, #misogyny, #conversation, #talking

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Alice: You give Wally your full attention when he talks, but not me. You hang on every word the man says. But if I try to talk, you act distracted in five seconds. Wally gets more eye contact, too. You don't even look at me half the time I'm talking. Deep down, in your DNA, you know you are a sexist because you don't take me seriously when I speak to you. There is no other explanation, so don't insult me by trying. Dilbert: I give both of you the same amount of attention, but you spread it over more words. Alice: I hate both of you. Dilbert: Did I play that wrong? Wally: Yup.

Charging Client For Thinking

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Charging Client For Thinking - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 13, 2016's comic on:


Tags #thinking, #engineers, #time, #worth, #meetings, #billing, #money, #cost

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Boss: The client says you billed them for all the time you spent thinking about their project. Dilbert: I'm an engineer. Thinking is what I do. Should I think less? Boss: Maybe you could meet with someone while you think. Dilbert: How's that working right now?

Wally Puts It On His List

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Wally Puts It On His List - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 23, 2015's comic on:


Tags #work ethic, #laziness, #priorities, #work, #motivation, #teamwork

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Woman: Can you do that for me? Wally: I'll put it on my list. Woman: Near the top? Wally: Depends on your frame of reference. Woman: Should I give up now? Wally: Quitter.

Robot Gets An Artificial Soul

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Robot Gets An Artificial Soul - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 26, 2015's comic on:


Tags #awareness, #consciousness, #happiness, #obliviousness, #resentment, #revenge, #soul, #technology, #psychology

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Alice: I figured out how to give you an artificial soul in your next upgrade. Robot: Wouldn't that give me a thousand reasons to feel like a failure while providing no off-setting benefits. Alice: I resented his happiness. Robot: I'm naked!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 22, 2015's comic on:


Tags #modernity, #reality, #thinking, #frustration, #panic, #existentialism, #existence, #meaning of life

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Dilbert: Looks like another day of flailing toward arbitrary goals. I will battle my way through a sea of idiots, much like the zombie apocalypse. My ego will be tested and my nervous system will be degraded. And all of this is to earn money so I can... buy items that scientists and product designers have brainwashed me to crave. But I get back at them by writing software they think they can't live without. My life is like two piles of meat trying to play ping pong. Alice: Stop mumbling and take care of this. Dilbert: You take care of it.

Give Up On Making Them Happy

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Give Up On Making Them Happy - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 17, 2015's comic on:


Tags #happiness, #deception, #perspective, #work, #office, #marriage, #psychology, #relationships

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Boss: I'm giving up on trying to keep them happy. My new plan is to tell them things are worse everywhere else. Catbert: Will that work? Boss: It worked on my wife.