House Keeping Comic Strips - Page 14
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Catbert stands on the Boss's desk and says, "Morale is low because the employees are underpaid." Catbert continues, "You can compensate by having more frequent performance reviews. They love feedback." Catbert clenches his teeth and thinks, "The hardest part is keeping a straight face." The Boss says, "Tell me again why I'd want morale to be high?"
Dilbert walks through the house thinking, "Where's Dogbert?" Dilbert sits on the couch and turns the television on with the remote control. He thinks, "Uh-oh." On a tv commercial, Dogbert sits at a desk wearing a sorcerer's hat. Dogbert asks, "Are you gullible? Do you spend money on stupid stuff?" Dogbert continues, "Call the 'Dogbert Gullible Friends Hotline' for help. Only four dollars per minute." On tv, a woman says into a telephone, "Hello, Dogbert. I bought an exercise machine and I'm still lazy." Dogbert says, "Please hold." The woman replies, "Okay." Dogbert says, "Call now, and I'll replace your old television with a new one that looks just like it, while you sleep!" Dogbert continues, "If you don't have a touch tone phone, stay on the line . . . Until you get one."
Dilbert, Alice and Wally sit at a table eating lunch. Wally says, "I don't understand why some people wash their bath towels." Wally continues, "When I get out of the shower I'm the cleanest object in my house. In theory, those towels should be getting cleaner every time they touch me." Alice says, "Maybe I could hug you every day so I don't need to take showers." Wally asks, "Are towels supposed to bend?"
Dilbert watches as Wally sits in his chair and bends over to reach his keyboard on the floor. Wally says, "This new policy of keeping our keyboards on the floor is ridiculous!" Dilbert says, "The only possible explanation is to make us all stooped over so it's easier for management to kick our behinds! Ha ha ha!" Wally laughs. As the Boss peeks into Wally's cubicle, Dilbert looks shocked and says, "Wait a minute . . . That IS the only explanation." Wally says, "Cover me; I'm going to the printer."
Dilbert watches Wally pack his car trunk. Dilbert asks, "Where are you taking all that office equipment?" Wally answers, "I'm having a garage sale." Wally continues, "Our new company slogan is 'Act like you own the company.' So I've been selling the stuff that I don't use and keeping the money." Dilbert asks, "Is that my new color monitor?" Wally replies, "Yeah, I never use that thing."
Dogbert spreads construction plans on the table and says to Dilbert, "I'm planning to turn the house into a gambling casino." Dilbert asks, "Isn't that illegal?" Dogbert replies, "Not in the tiny republic of Dogbertland. I seceded from the repressive homeland this morning." Dilbert says, "I don't remember voting on that." Dogbert hands him a card and says, "Here's your green card."
Dilbert, Wally, the Boss and Alice sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "Effective immediately, we will no longer use our spare cubicles to house convicts." Wally raises his fist and says, "Yes!!! Our opinions mattered!" The Boss says, "Actually it's because the prisoners complained." Wally and Dilbert walk down the hall past a cubicle. Dilbert says, "I wonder what he plans to do with spare cubicles now." They cannot see that there are pigs inside the cubicle.
The Boss sits at his desk and Dilbert sits across from him. The Boss tells Dilbert, "Your performance this year was good, but you worked on tasks that aren't important. Therefore you get a tiny raise." Dilbert looks angry as he replies, "I worked on the tasks YOU assigned. What's that say about YOUR performance?" The Boss replies, "It's excellent. I get a bonus for keeping salaries low." Dilbert asks, "Have you seen any literature on workplace violence?"
The Boss sees Dilbert carrying a stack of paper and says, "We've all noticed the volume of work you carry around. Your quiet leadership inspires us." The Boss continues, "I'd like to promote you to manager so you can imbue others with your work ethic." At home, Dilbert loads the paper into the furnace while Dogbert watches. Dogbert asks, "Does he know you use the documents to heat our house?" Dilbert replies, "No. And I asked him to put the job offer in writing."
"You're not welcome here, Cat. It's against house rules to eat Ratbert." "My work here is not done until I have pounced on my natural enemy." "Who are you, and what are you doing on my keyboard?"