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After Budget cuts The boss: It might seem bleak now, but things will turn around... As soon as the public starts loving poorly made products that are relevant to a bygone era. In the meantime, who has organs that are still healthy enough to sell on the black market?
A woman says, "i saw this shirt and I had to get it for you." Dilbert says, "We've had one date and you're buying me a a shirt? That's kind of creepy." The woman says, "What?" Dilbert says, "Is it made from your ex-boyfriend's skin?"
Dilbert says, "Our graphics department made this logo for my project." Dilbert says, "In retrospect, I probably shouldn't have badgered them to finish quickly." Dilbert says, "Please don't judge my competence by my logo." Two people say, "Too late."
The Boss says, "I'm off for two relaxing weeks of well-earned vacation." Carol says, "Attention all employees. The stain is on the move. I repeat, the stain is on the move." Employees say, "YIPPEE! WOO-HOO! YES!" The Boss thinks, "Relaxing just got harder."
The Boss: Wally, in the past month you've blamed your lack of productivity on seven dead people and three who never existed." Wally: I used to blame living coworkers but it made the meetings awkward. The Boss: Whose fault is that? Wally: Here comes the awkward part.
"The company decided to invest a billion dollars based on your stupid made-up numbers." "You've crushed my dreams of a better tomorrow. Now my life is a cold, wet slide to oblivion." "I finally made a difference at work." "how many victims?"
Dilbert says, "I didn't have any accurate numbers so I just made up this one."Dilbert says, "Studies have shown that accurate numbers aren't any more useful than the ones we make up."The Boss says, "How many studies showed that?" Dilbert says, "Eighty-seven."
Tina: I hear your soul was crushed and Catbert slapped off your dried-up head. Try this juice I've been selling on the side, it's made from actually berries. Spoit! Tina: Oh, crud. That was the placebo."
Pronounced Hay-soos. Wally: The new team leader, Jesus, is gaining quite a following." He fixed my eyesight and made my hair regrow. I think he wants your job as CEO. For forty shares of stock, I could point him out at lunch. CEO: I'll punch his pilot light out!"